Relations with People

Every person desires friendly relations with others. No one wants to create a bitter and unpleasant situation with neighbors, friends, or companions. Everyone wishes to be dear to others. But has anyone ever wondered why this feeling exists among people? Why does a person wish to be regarded favorably by others? Deep reflection shows that there are several reasons. Every person naturally desires to attain high status in the eyes of others and to have everyone hold a high opinion of him. Being disliked by others is painful to everyone. Thus, this tendency is found in everyone, from the helpless beggar to the Shahanshah, the king of kings. A shopkeeper wants his relations with people to be good and extensive. He wants everyone to regard him as honest, for this creates the possibility of improving and expanding his business. Similarly, lawyers, physicians, merchants, factory owners—in short, every individual in human society—wants the scope of his relations with people in society to become broader and broader, and wants everyone to hold a good opinion of him. In particular, ever since it was recognized as a democratic right that the responsibility for governing a country and society must be entrusted to those who enjoy the confidence of the majority, the effort to gain broad popularity has become an art in its own right. Countless artificial methods have emerged by which a person can effortlessly increase his popularity and the number of his supporters in society and, within a short time, broaden the scope of his relations with people. In short, sometimes love and affection, sometimes the lure of wealth and possessions, and at other times the desire for honor, respect, and high status compel a person to ensure that his relations in human society are good and extensive, and that everyone holds a favorable opinion of him and looks upon him kindly.

For ages, people have been striving to fulfill this desire. They invite others to feasts and feed them, and advise people to help the poor. They deliver speeches in tearful voices expressing sympathy for the helpless and destitute. Some display the height of artificial love for humanity by demanding food and clothing for those deprived of meals and garments. They stand in the ranks of peasants, laborers, and the proletariat and pretend to struggle for their rights. Then, having secured popular support, they pave the way to seize power. Sometimes they appear before the people as embodiments of ideal character, and at other times they reach out to matters beyond their authority. In this way, they create a path to popularity in human society through countless means. In the case of many people, their purpose in improving and expanding their relations with others is exposed as clearly as daylight; it is obvious for what purpose they desire this improvement and expansion. In the case of others, their purpose may not be detected, but a little deeper thought will reveal their principal motive for establishing these relations.

So much for one aspect of the desire and aspiration to establish, improve, and expand relations. Let us now discuss its form and necessity in the life of a true believer. What role does, and should, a person who believes in establishing Allah’s sovereignty and the absolute leadership of the Messenger on this earth assume in this regard? Such a person has correctly understood the purpose and goal of his life; the supreme desire for prosperity in the Hereafter has taken root in his heart, above worldly progress, honor, status, and wealth. He is firmly resolved to establish Allah’s pleasure and the way of life given by Him, and to remain steadfast upon it. He wishes to convey this way of life to Allah’s other servants. He has realized that his Creator and Master has entrusted him with the responsibility of calling people to true obedience to Allah and the Messenger. He must establish in this world an environment and society founded upon the divinely given way of life—namely, the Qur’an and Sunnah. For such a person, improving and expanding relations with people is more important than all other tasks. Therefore, whoever has decided that he must change people’s minds and hearts, guide their thinking onto the right path, and establish the standards of good and evil in their thoughts and imagination—in short, whoever believes in the Islamic ideal and wants the revealed law of Allah to prevail in every sphere of human life—must, as his first step, establish close and intimate relations with people and broaden them. Likewise, he must keep away from everything that obstructs the improvement of relations with people; that is, from all matters that create bitterness instead of improving those relations.

Conveying Allah’s religion to people, remaining firm and steadfast upon Allah’s religion in every adverse or conflict-ridden situation, and establishing the way of life given by Allah at every level of human life are not tasks accomplished through force or intimidation; nor can they be accomplished by any kind of magic spell. This is where they differ from other activities in the world. Although it is fairly easy to become dominant through physical strength and subjugate someone, winning a person’s heart is extremely difficult. Forcibly ruling a kingdom and seizing its treasury by force are one matter, but ruling in someone’s inner kingdom or radically transforming his way of thinking is an entirely different matter.

The same object may be used for good or evil depending on differences in the manner of using it. Suppose a sword falls into a robber’s hands: human society becomes terrified. But when it falls into the hands of a mujahid struggling in the path of Allah, it assumes the form of a symbol of peace. The same applies to establishing mutual friendship and harmony with people. A person who is merely greedy for wealth and status has one purpose in expanding his relations with people, whereas the purpose of a caller to truth and propagator of Allah’s religion is entirely different. It is because of this difference in purpose that one is far more important to us than the other. After explaining the importance of expanding relations with people for a caller to truth, the discussion could have ended by saying that propagators of the religion must strive to make their relations with people broad and sound. But everyone knows and understands this. Nevertheless, a more detailed discussion is needed. In my view, devising a practical method by which religious workers can personally advance in expanding and improving these relations will certainly be of considerable help to them. As a result, many new paths for moving forward will open before them. It is for this purpose that I wish to discuss the subject in detail.

Everyone Considers Himself Good

Before discussing this matter, it is essential to become aware of certain weaknesses of the human mind. For suitable treatment depends upon an accurate diagnosis of the disease.

1. By nature, every person holds a good opinion of himself. Every robber, thief, or murderer has the conviction that he is innocent. If you speak for a while with prisoners in any jail, you will be forced to conclude either that all the prisoners have decided beforehand to present themselves as innocent, or that the government must surely be openly oppressing them and has imprisoned all these innocent people without understanding or hearing them. Yet neither of these two assumptions is true. In searching for the reason, we must return to the earlier point: people hold a good opinion of themselves. For example, a robber who has spent his entire life putting a knife to the throats of innocent people, mercilessly killing harmless travelers, and plundering people’s wealth and possessions still considers himself compassionate and beneficial to people. In his view, he thinks, “I even give some of the stolen goods to helpless fakirs and the destitute—what is so wrong with that?” A murderer may consider himself innocent because, in his view, he fired a gun or used a weapon purely in self-defense, and believes that he could do so in that situation. Similarly, a thief considers himself innocent on the grounds that, despite having the necessary qualifications, he cannot find employment anywhere, and that he is not so cruel as to sit idly at home with his hands folded while his children die prematurely before his eyes from hunger. Thus, he was compelled to steal from another’s home in order to preserve his life.

In this way, every criminal resorts to various devices to prove his actions legitimate. If you speak with a criminal, you will see what kinds of arguments he produces in defense of his innocence and purity. So much for those who are criminals and convicted, and whom the people of the world regard as criminals. There are also many other people with whom we are connected through the activities of daily life. It is now necessary to discuss what role they play in this regard.

Every person, great or small, believes that whatever he says is correct and accurate. The first innate weakness of the human mind is that it always considers itself innocent and regards its own actions as flawless.

2. We observe that no matter how mistaken a person may be, he cannot tolerate it when someone else searches for faults in his actions or points out a defect. Thus, whenever any fault or weakness is pointed out in a person, he bursts into anger and displays an oppositional attitude. No matter how many arguments are presented to him, he will produce all kinds of arguments and evidence in his defense to conceal his faults and weaknesses. The sole reason is that everyone believes his own opinion is correct.

Keeping these weaknesses in view, you must consider what role you ought to adopt in reforming society. Never assume that merely pointing out someone’s weakness or fault will make him accept your words or come forward for reform. In most cases, you will meet someone who considers himself entirely free of faults and believes his opinions and path are founded on sound principles, perhaps producing numerous arguments and proofs in support of them. Even if he cannot present anything rational, he will repeatedly try to say, “Although my words may not be entirely correct compared with your arguments and evidence, you cannot dismiss them as wholly unreasonable.” In such a situation, no matter how hard you try to reform him, he will not accept it; rather, he will gradually distance himself from you. Consequently, a feeling of despair will arise in you. You will begin to think that, while commanding good and restraining people from evil, your relations with them are being destroyed. Such complications in a selfless effort are truly frustrating. For when your earnest desire is to establish closer and more pleasant relations with people, enabling you to provide them with sound nourishment for thought and keep them from the wrong path, it is natural that you should feel frustrated when even the existing relationship begins to break down. Thus, when a person encounters this kind of frustrating situation once or twice, he later becomes afraid of losing people’s confidence. Even when he notices some wrongful or dishonest act, he looks away and says in an irritated tone, “What benefit is there in ruining my relations with people? Will such people listen to anything anyway?”

Our perspective on this matter is entirely different. If a propagator of any doctrine or ideal adopted this approach, it would become impossible to introduce anything new that conflicted with the ideas established in people’s minds. Consequently, every effort and every movement aimed at reforming and guiding this world, afflicted by injustice, inequity, oppression, and tyranny, would be permanently halted. Rather, a propagator of an ideal must first consider what course of action will enable him to become trusted among people. This course must, of course, be determined in accordance with the person, place, and time. For because environments and tastes differ, the same method is not always effective everywhere. Similarly, when a favorable environment has been created and one has secured a place in people’s hearts, they will not merely listen with their ears; their hearts and minds will also become eager to hear the words of the propagator of truth.

The question now is: what is the way to win people’s hearts? It is enough to remember the deep-rooted disease described above. That is, whatever the offense, great or small, human nature is such that a person is never willing to admit his own mistake. He will always have some argument to prove each mistake correct. In such circumstances, your first responsibility is to associate closely with the person concerned and converse with him openly.

Through repeated association, you should continue observing his mental state. You must identify what virtues exist alongside this person’s countless faults and shortcomings. For it is extremely rare to find a person in the world who has no virtue and is filled only with vices. No matter how immoral a person’s character may be, he will certainly possess some good qualities. You should then turn your attention away from all other aspects, focus on his virtues, and praise him for them. However, while establishing a relationship in this way, special care must be taken that it does not become flattery or deceit. Rather, you must praise the virtues that genuinely exist in him with compassion and sincerity. If you truly praise his virtues sincerely, he will surely speak openly to you about everything and gradually begin to regard you as one of his own, considering you a truly sympathetic person. The reason is that people naturally want others to acknowledge them. This intense desire to earn praise exists, to some degree, in every person. We must work while keeping these realities before us. It should be remembered that no social reform or good can be expected from a worker who always considers himself a person of high status and criticizes every fault and shortcoming of others.

After winning someone’s heart through sympathy and good conduct in this way, you may think that it is now possible to have this person do some good deeds. If, with sympathy, you point out a fault in his character whose avoidance is not particularly difficult for him, he will readily come forward to correct it and will not hesitate at all to accept any advice or good counsel from you. Similarly, if you praise his realization of the truth and his willingness to accept correction, you will see him advancing toward the truth day after day with twice as much enthusiasm and motivation, and a new strength and inspiration developing within him to accept justice and truth. If you proceed with patience and sympathy in the work of reform and correction in this manner, God willing, that person will find the true path within a short time. In propagating and spreading an ideal, every propagator must remember that purifying someone’s mind and heart is not child’s play. To remove someone from a position of high standing and disgrace him through deception, one ordinary fraudulent trick is enough. But to lead a person by the hand from the bottomless abyss of moral decline and establish him upon the lofty peak of humanity requires effort and perseverance. For this, a truly sympathetic person must turn the blood in his body into water and pour the sweat from his brow onto his feet.

The essence is this: in propagating an ideal, to create a favorable state in people’s minds, one must first choose as a foundation the virtues that genuinely exist in a person’s character and accord them their proper value. There is an enormous difference between flattering someone and truly praising him. These matters must always be kept before us as we work. Discussing a person’s virtues and beauty will itself arouse sympathy within you. It is universally acknowledged that if calling to good and restraining from evil is not done with sympathy, no good counsel will be effective. One must first call people toward those virtues that they can readily cultivate within themselves.

A number of proposals concerning improving relations with people have so far been presented to you. At the same time, close attention must be paid to ensuring that the propagator does not adopt any attitude that obstructs the establishment and improvement of mutual relations. If one works while keeping in view both the causes that strengthen relations and those that sever them, much greater results may be expected in this matter. Anyone can realize, by looking a little deeply, what causes the improvement of relations to be hindered. Generally, however, the causes that produce an adverse reaction in society and destroy mutual relations are as follows:

1. People become angry when they see anything contrary to their wishes:

To some degree, this weakness is found in everyone: people become angry when they see anything contrary to their wishes. In particular, household servants, children, and one’s own students are more frequently subjected to the wrath of their elders. But, in improving relations, anger must be brought under control like other qualities. If you are bad-tempered and irritable at every turn, no one will come into your company or wish to associate with you. As a result, the effects of this weakness will soon spread through your immediate environment and eventually become an obstacle to propagating the ideal. Consequently, in the propagation of an ideal or in commanding good and forbidding evil, many people are seen to be unable to achieve the expected success in their own surroundings because of their bad temper and misconduct.

2. One’s attention is more focused on the faults of others than on one’s own shortcomings:

People of flawless character, completely free of faults, are extremely rare in society. In exchanges and dealings with colleagues and people involved in our daily work, it is natural for some shortcomings or mistakes to appear in anyone. Yet it is human nature to focus more on the faults of others than on one’s own mistakes. As soon as people find the slightest weakness in one another, they become vocal critics. Since everyone holds a good opinion of himself, pointing out one another’s faults immediately causes deep hurt to his feelings. Therefore, carelessly pointing out someone’s fault or criticizing him in any form seriously damages mutual relations. In short, when establishing relations with people for the purpose of reforming them, one must overlook all their faults and shortcomings and initially refrain from all criticism. Refraining from criticism does not mean completely ignoring all his weaknesses and faults and maintaining a relationship with him forever. Rather, it means that when people have some weakness or fault, and the reformer himself is aware of it, the matter should not be discussed repeatedly. For this is more likely to make the person concerned rebellious than reformed.

3. People take pleasure in the idea that they are free from every weakness:

People truly take pleasure in the idea that they are free from every weakness. Yet no one can claim that he has no weakness or fault whatsoever. Nevertheless, people want at least their own opinion of themselves to remain favorable. This tendency toward self-satisfaction is expressed in various ways: displaying contempt for others’ weaknesses with disdain, mocking and ridiculing them, proving someone to be foolish, pointing to someone’s shortsightedness or lack of intelligence, and adopting mannerisms or a style of description that highlights one’s own greatness and superiority. The reason is that such behavior provides a person with a particular satisfaction. That is why people adopt countless means to conceal their own weaknesses. You are undertaking the responsibility of reforming others. Certainly, this is a good deed. But if you adopt the method described above, not only will genuine reform be impossible, the path to reform itself will be completely blocked and mutual relations will become bitter. As a result, instead of people’s hearts being softened by your words, they will turn to stone, and they will become “locked doors.”

4. People feel satisfied by considering themselves great and making others seem small:

We feel considerable satisfaction in considering ourselves great and others small. That is why we discuss others’ faults behind their backs. In other words, if at one time, out of fear of pressure or for the sake of courtesy, we do not get the opportunity to criticize someone to his face, then at another time we reveal it behind his back, or express it in such a manner that outwardly it appears that the person’s reform was highly desirable and that the speaker is deeply distressed on his behalf. Yet the real purpose is to belittle that person. Discussing another’s weaknesses behind his back, whether plainly or in a tone of sympathy, and taking satisfaction in it is really intended to magnify one’s own personality. This is included in the ghibah described in the Qur’an. The Qur’an gives a stern command to abstain from ghibah. Ghibah has a tremendous effect in destroying relations. Its harm is not limited to the fact that when you describe someone’s faults in his absence, it creates aversion toward him in you and in the other listeners; if the person who was the subject of ghibah also learns of these words, hatred toward you will arise in his heart. Thus, mutual relations will certainly be destroyed, and many other unfortunate consequences may also occur. Therefore, to establish good relations with people, one must strictly guard oneself against ghibah.

These are some of the principal causes by which relations with people in society are destroyed. It is impossible to succeed through such a contradictory approach as remaining heedless of these matters while hoping to improve relations. It is true that completely avoiding the faults and shortcomings mentioned above is not easy, but it is also incorrect to think that such weaknesses cannot be corrected. People can certainly avoid them. All that is needed is willpower and firm resolve. For a believer’s reform, tawbah is the best method. By tawbah, we mean humbly praying to Allah with regret and remorse for the sins we have committed, and firmly pledging to Him not to engage in such reprehensible acts in the future. The sole purpose of all this is that we wish to please our true Master and Lord.

Some indication has already been given of the harm caused when the faults described above appear in someone’s character. That is, they destroy relations with people, making it very difficult to convey the call to the religion to them. But even those whose attention is focused entirely on this world, whose ultimate aim in life is to acquire worldly wealth, status, fame, and honor, wish to avoid these faults and their consequences. For this purpose, they also make every possible effort. There are many people who have no purpose in life except to flaunt their leadership, expand their businesses, or attain some worldly status; even they know the harmful effects of these faults and continually strive to avoid them. We have much to learn by observing such people. If people of this kind can make a firm resolve to avoid the harms of such weaknesses and faults, and can completely restrain themselves by abandoning every bad habit in order to fulfill base interests, then it is easy to understand what the role should be of those striving to attain goals higher than theirs. If a person who wishes to attain the eternal world while disregarding this mortal one advances after pledging to free himself from all these faults, immense strength will surely be infused into him.

Expressing Resentment

There are many causes behind the deterioration of mutual relations among people. Human beings’ natural excitability plays a special role among them, because of which such relations may be completely torn apart. There are many matters that people dislike, and because of that dislike they seek in various ways to vent their resentment against them. For this purpose, they resort to numerous means. Anger, harsh words, fault-finding, speaking ill of someone behind his back, and many other such means have no purpose other than expressing the resentment in one’s heart. This kind of mental state compels a person to spread slander against others and to publicize their faults and shortcomings. In short, because of this mental tendency, a person becomes entangled in various moral weaknesses. In order to maintain friendly relations with people, special care must be taken that this tendency is never indulged in merely to gratify one’s own anger. When this mental state arises, it leads a person to commit acts that cause others to become hostile toward him and increase the distance between them. If the following points are kept in view to restrain this mental tendency, there may be considerable hope of success in propagating the “ideal.”

It is extremely easy to blame someone. One need make no effort to accuse another of something, but placing oneself in the position of the accused and judging the matter is extremely difficult. After noticing another person’s faults and shortcomings, calmly place yourself in his position and examine the situation. This, of course, would be a sign of courage. In such circumstances, you will find that for eighty percent of the accusations you have made against others, you yourself can discover a reasonable explanation for each one. If you examine your own character, just as you examine another’s character, through the “telescope of criticism,” then, on the one hand, the way toward self-correction will be made easier, while on the other hand you will be protected from the tendency to search out and accuse others’ faults—a tendency that severs mutual relations.

This does not mean that you are being advised to withdraw from all efforts to reform society and sit idle. Nor does it mean that you must become accustomed to tolerating every wrongdoing. Rather, the value of examining your own character comparatively in this way is that, when you judge another person’s faults while keeping yourself in view, you will adopt for his correction a method such that it seems you would have proceeded in the same way for your own correction. It is clear that the compassion and sincerity given a place in your principles when correcting another’s condition in this manner will certainly be much more significant, and their influence will be far-reaching. As a result, mutual relations with people will remain increasingly cordial, and a sound method of social reform will emerge. A great purpose and goal lies before you. To attain this goal, you always wish to bring people’s hearts close to you. Therefore, you can keep a watchful eye on your own faults and every weakness of your own. You can come forward to correct them, become capable of suppressing evil inclinations, and crush your own inner impulses. But the condition of your listener is not like that. No higher purpose or goal stands before him. Unlike you, his inner self finds no reason to observe so many obligations and rules. Consequently, your listener often expresses many things that do not please you and are quite painful for you. People want that if they behave gently and courteously with someone, he should respond in the same manner. If they restrain their anger and emotions, the other person should not let his anger and emotions run unrestrained either.

Many people, becoming frustrated while trying to correct others, make comments such as: “What will it achieve if we try to do everything? The listeners must also have some inclination in this direction.” By this they mean that they are firmly resolved to act according to the advice being given to them, while at the same time they impose the condition that the listener must also come forward to accept that advice. If you think a little deeply, you will understand the significance of such statements.

The fact is that the people with whom you have relations are not merely imaginative beings, nor are their actions so obedient to your wishes that they will become whatever you tell them to become. Rather, whatever you have to do must be done among people of different temperaments and emotions. Your listener may even be highly learned and rational. You may not be presenting him with conclusive arguments and proofs, and as a result your wishes are not being fulfilled. He is unwilling to accept what you have tried to make him understand. This is because the people with whom you have established relations also possess emotions, pride, arrogance, hatred, and stubbornness. They have blindly placed their faith in the customs and practices of their forefathers. In such circumstances, if you display any attitude that strikes at the deeply established beliefs in their hearts, you must consider that you have destroyed everything with your own hands. You must always be careful not to do anything that wounds another’s vanity and causes his self-respect, partiality, fanaticism, and other bestial impulses to rise up, or that exposes his beliefs to a direct attack.

You may be hesitating about the practical application of the advice given above, wondering: How can a person be corrected while the conditions mentioned remain present among people? Should I praise his arrogance and self-reliance? Or should I accept his hatred, stubbornness, and all his blind beliefs as correct? Certainly not. For this would be contrary to the dignity of one who propagates the ideal on the one hand, and extremely harmful to his fundamental objective on the other. Rather, the main point of what you are being asked to avoid here is that you should not create any situation in which their base inclinations are hurt. At every step you must decide what should or should not be done in order to reach the main objective. Since there is a possibility that you may make mistakes in this, and that these mistakes may be repeated more than once, you must proceed with caution. But if at every step you advance while carefully observing the reactions to your actions, each mistake will add something new to your experience. Then, if you bring these successive experiences together, they will become extremely useful and practical advice for you. In short, those who wish to influence the thoughts, opinions, and emotions of others should try to understand the other person’s point of view.

Equal Treatment

The first sphere of propagating the ideal and undertaking reform is each person’s immediate environment—the place where he lives, works, or happens to be for some other reason. Yet very few people can succeed in their natural environment when it comes to the ideal. There is a particular reason for this. Every person has a circle in which he enjoys the status of a chief or leader: his household, wife and children, employees, male and female servants, followers, admirers, and many others remain under his authority. Great influence and status become established among them. He tries to get things done among them through the influence of his leadership. When necessary, he also takes the path of coercion and intimidation. In short, he is unwilling to refrain in this sphere from applying the influence established by his personality. The consequence of such conduct is obvious. Purifying people’s thoughts, changing their opinions, and winning someone’s will over to one’s own side are not matters so easy that they can be accomplished through coercion or intimidation.

Every person, even if he is subordinate to you, has his own personality. Your wife, children, servants, domestic workers, and employees may be obliged to obey you through a particular system of rules and discipline. But this obligation is not sufficient to make their personal opinions subordinate to your own. They too possess a sense of individual personality. In their eyes, their opinions also have great importance. When something is imposed on their minds, they are not prepared to accept it without reasons and proofs. You must convince them with satisfactory arguments and evidence. Otherwise, the same consequence that follows from imposing something without reason will inevitably appear here as well, because they too possess the same tendencies that you commonly observe in the outside world. This is truly a difficult stage in propagating the ideal. Your own importance and sense of personality are present here. You have assigned yourself a position in this sphere, and you cannot even imagine descending from it. Yet sound judgment requires you to come down to the level absolutely necessary for correcting those close to you. At this point you may face a problem: on the one hand, maintaining the techniques of propagating the ideal, and on the other, the question of personal dignity. Nevertheless, the demand of the Din upon you in this situation is that you bring yourself to the same level as others in such an environment and speak and mix with everyone sincerely. You should also give them the opportunity to express their independent opinions, although your elevated sense of status does not permit you to do so. The method of propagating the ideal requires you to try to change the attitudes of those close to you through arguments and proofs. But since you are not accustomed to behaving in this way in other matters involving them, and have always, willingly or unwillingly, imposed your opinions upon them, here too you will want them to accept your authority silently, without uttering even two words. Yet in view of the broader interests of the Din, it is essential for you to abandon this attitude. Paying attention to the opinions and emotions of others is an indispensable duty. But many people, forgetting this, are unwilling to pay any heed to it here either, just as in their other activities.

For these particular reasons, even in his immediate environment the propagator places himself in the position of a “neglected outsider.” This may raise a doubt in your mind: if the advice mentioned above is followed in propagating the ideal, will one not face considerable difficulty in other matters? As the head of a household or a senior officer, you must adopt a particular manner in your conduct, behavior, and speech with people. Yet, for propagating the ideal, that is, the Din, you must adopt a different manner. You cannot internalize such a double standard. At that point your method of propagating the ideal will become tainted with artificiality. Or your intended caution in dealing with subordinates or members of your own family will become hollow. There is no doubt that your difficulty is based on reality. Certainly, a double standard cannot operate in anyone’s life, and you will not be able to achieve success either. Nevertheless, there is something here that deserves deep thought: Is it truly necessary for you to adopt this policy of fear, intimidation, and compulsion at the stage of life where you currently do so? Could it not be otherwise? In fact, this is where your first and foremost mistake lies. You have fixed your position in this part of your life. But in reality, your role here is not genuinely successful or praiseworthy either. You are unable to recognize your failure here because the people associated with you have been compelled, due to their various needs, to tolerate this role of yours. No one does so willingly; rather, they are always striving to escape this compulsion and this paternal authority. Whenever they get the opportunity, they regard freeing themselves from these bonds as their good fortune. If you observe carefully, you too will understand their condition. But in the sphere where you wish to correct people and hope to change their outlook, they are not at all obliged to listen to you. Even if you try to force them to do something, at most they may outwardly try to please you, while inwardly their “inner self” will remain firm in its own view. Therefore, you have no power with which to compel them. In short, even when working in such an environment, you must proceed with the advice that has been discussed, or will be discussed, for application to others. In a word, here too you must work while paying attention to the listener’s mental disposition and tendencies.

A Smiling Face

The Noble Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Even looking at your brother with a smiling face becomes an act of charity.” The importance of meeting one another with a smiling face is immense, but many people are unaware of it. Many do not know how much power is hidden in their personality, or what value even the slightest smile possesses. To establish a place for oneself in another’s heart, the only way is to meet him with a smiling face. A slight smile of goodwill has a greater effect than spoken words. A smiling face seems, at the very first meeting, to welcome the visitor by saying, “I love you.” But at the sight of a stern face and furrowed brows, you will feel that his present appearance is saying to you, “I do not wish to speak with you. I do not love you.” Rough and harsh behavior is enough to drive people away from you. But a person whose earnest desire is to create goodwill among people, bring their hearts under his influence, win their hearts, and radically change the goals, ideals, and thoughts of their lives toward a noble purpose will never like people to move away from him because of any unbecoming behavior of his. Anyone who establishes relations with such a noble purpose should always mix with people cheerfully and always behave courteously. This is truly the finest way to win people’s hearts.

What has been said above about meeting someone with a smiling face does not mean that one must temporarily please people with an artificial smile like those seeking personal gain. People regard such a smile as a tool for self-interest and as sarcastic, something adopted merely to deceive them in some matter. Rather, the purpose here is a genuine smile, like the sincere smile with which people normally meet their friends and companions. Only a smile blended with affection and love can influence another person’s heart.

To achieve any kind of success, it is essential to mix with people in a cheerful frame of mind. People already waste much time in pointless merriment. Instead, that time can be spent cheerfully with others for a greater purpose. In this way, the person concerned will be attracted to you very easily. Preachers of the ideal should test for themselves what a magical effect meeting someone with a smiling face can have. It makes family life extremely joyful. Such behavior is also very helpful in educating and training children. In short, it is a very great means of winning another person’s heart.

If you are not accustomed to doing this, then develop the habit. Perhaps you are suffering over some matter and are now filled with nothing but irritation; in that case, you should strive to free yourself from such a condition. What benefit is there in feeling irritated? It will not remove the restlessness from your mind. Expressing agitation or irritation will not solve the problem at all. Rather, the more distress you feel, the more your mental and physical strength will decline. Gradually, you will lose your power of patience. It is certainly true that in the course of daily life people sometimes face unpleasant and unwanted events that make it almost impossible to preserve their normal composure at the time. But if a person first learns to show patience in small, unwanted matters, then even great hardships and painful situations become easier for him to endure.

On the other hand, a person who is irritable in ordinary matters is likely to become deranged when a major problem appears. Elevated thought and high aspirations will fill your mind with enthusiasm and inspiration. As a result, no ordinary matter will be able to weigh heavily upon your mind. A person pursuing a great goal will never be affected by trivial matters, because, being strengthened by faith, you firmly believe that whatever happens occurs by Allah’s will. You hope for Allah’s mercy. Thus, with this understanding, you can remain steady and calm in every unwanted situation, free from hypersensitivity. And it is indeed true that the person whose mind is carefree and tranquil is happy. Therefore, if even on the face of a person who follows a great ideal such as yours no expression of joy appears, rising above the ordinary for the sake of a great goal, from whom can such a hope be expected? A cheerful disposition also contains benefit for you, because it is the only path to being welcomed. Otherwise, you cannot reach anyone.

Keeping one’s face cheerful, speaking with a gentle smile, and conversing with someone cheerfully are one thing; laughing foolishly and without reason is another. Some people think that vulgar joking, improper and irresponsible conversation, and excessive laughter constitute “speaking with a smiling face.” Mocking others, making pointless jokes and taunts, and troubling people are, in their view, ways of remaining cheerful. But this is not right. Far from bringing another person’s heart under your influence, it will instead drive him even farther away from you.

The Manner of Speaking

If you want to earn people’s hatred and also want them to avoid you, the easiest method is to keep talking incessantly without giving anyone else an opportunity to speak, or to begin speaking the moment someone else starts, always trying to seize any opening in the conversation to make the listeners hear your own views. Many people can be seen who are always especially eager to express their own opinions rather than listen to what others have to say. The moment an idea appears in their memory, they blurt it out in the middle of the conversation; whether it supports or contradicts the listener’s statement makes no difference to such emotional people.

A person who wishes to make people attached to him and tries to change their way of thinking by influencing the listener through arguments and proofs—such a person, especially one who propagates the ideal, needs to:

1. Develop the habit of listening patiently to what others have to say.

2. Give the listener an unhindered opportunity to discuss matters openly.

3. Gather arguments and facts from the listener’s statements and discussion, and use them to prove the truth of your own position.

4. If the subject matter or discussion of the listener’s statement is lengthy and it seems impossible to remember every detail in sequence, note down your own arguments from time to time during the discussion.

5. It is not enough merely to listen patiently to someone’s statement; when replying, one must also demonstrate sufficient restraint, care, and patience.

Suppose you are expressing support for someone’s comment. This does not require any particular caution. However you express your support, it makes little difference if you do not weigh your words carefully; but a serious problem arises when you are going to object to someone’s statement. In that case, you must speak with complete caution. Usually, objections to an opponent’s statement are expressed in words such as: (1) “You have no knowledge of this. (2) You have not understood the matter. (3) What you are saying is completely unrealistic. (4) Your purpose in making such statements is to create division and disorder,” and so on.

There is no doubt that the listener will express irritation and dissatisfaction when such sentences are used. No one is willing to accept being called ignorant, foolish, poorly informed, dishonest, or a liar. Yet, as one entrusted with the responsibility of propagating the ideal, you must somehow change his way of thinking; it is essential to influence him in order to turn the course of his thought in a particular direction. It is precisely in such circumstances that you must speak with complete caution. For example, suppose you have gone to convey your da‘wah to someone. After hearing it, he asks: “The ideal to which you have invited me is truly noble, but is it acceptable in this age?” After hearing such a question, many people would assume that there must be some defect in the questioner’s iman and creed, and that this is why he has uttered such words. Or they would say of the questioner that he has no knowledge at all of the subject, that he needs more study, or that he understands nothing and his range of knowledge is limited. In response to the questioner’s statement, such comments will keep him away from you rather than bring him closer. Whether you call him faithless, point to the weakness of his iman, or draw his full attention to his ignorance, in every case his inner “human being” will rise up against such statements, and in that condition you will be unable to make him understand anything. Every person considers his own ideas, beliefs, opinions, ways, and decisions to be correct, although they are constantly changing. Beliefs change, decisions are altered, and ways of thinking shift. But if you observe closely, you will see that when such a change occurs naturally in a person’s character or by his own will, he has no objection to it. However, whenever another person tries to bring about this change, stubbornness and fanaticism arise in him. When speaking in such a situation, you must become accustomed to adopting an approach that compels the person to think about himself. Instead of presenting the matter to him in a tone of protest, you should place before him another aspect of the discussion so that he will think. Rather than directly opposing the opinion for which he has offered faulty proofs, you should continue the discussion on the relevant subject by following a line of thought that will resolve his doubts and contradictions and expose all the flaws in his thinking. Of course, your approach will vary according to the time, circumstances, and individual. With attention and a little practice in propagating the ideal, many more methods like this will arise before you within a short time. For example, you might say to the questioner or to someone making a similar comment: “The arguments and proofs you have presented in support of your opinion are certainly valid, but try considering this matter from such-and-such a perspective; perhaps you will arrive at another conclusion.” There are many such methods that you can devise yourself while taking the individual and circumstances into account. This can enable the questioner to broaden his thinking over many other matters.

You have understood a matter and possess sufficient arguments and proofs in its support. You consider the arguments and proofs you have so sound and reliable that you want everyone to accept them. Therefore, regarding your listener, you also think that reviewing these proofs is sufficient to refute his arguments. But you may have experienced that this effort is ineffective in many cases. For if you observe carefully, you will see that there is also some truth behind your listener’s arguments. There are real reasons behind the confusion in his thinking. His personal likes and dislikes also have a place in it, and naturally the influence of his environment is also active within him. In this situation, the task of a farsighted and prudent person is:

(a) Find and understand the true source of the listener’s confusion. If you must object, do so in a tone of sympathy. In short, in such circumstances your complete success in promoting the ideal lies in ensuring that your listener does not regard you as belonging to the opposing side, but rather considers you a well-wishing friend and adviser of his own. You must try to understand his point of view, and, when necessary, you may repeat his arguments more than once in order to understand them, so that he feels you are truly paying attention to his words and carefully considering him. Only then can you hope that the time has come to influence his mind.

(b) Do not ask the listener embarrassing questions during the discussion. You must be careful not to ask, in the course of conversation, any question that might annoy him. For example, you may infer from his discussion that he is speaking in this confused manner because he has not read such-and-such book of your organization. Even then, if you ask him, “Sir, have you read such-and-such a book?” his admission that he has not read it would indirectly suggest the narrowness of his knowledge. You should always ask questions whose answers will make him feel happy rather than ashamed. It is a practical truth that people take pride in giving a correct and conclusive answer to a question, and they enjoy it greatly. Thus, by asking such questions, you can bring joy to his mind.

(c) To bring about a change in someone’s world of thought, become fully informed about all his circumstances. You must remember clearly that every person places his own problem above all the problems of the world. Suppose someone is suffering from a severe headache. At that moment, it becomes such a serious matter to him that even if massive bomb explosions were taking place in Russia or widespread massacres were occurring in South America, the news would make no impression on his mind. Similarly, if someone’s son becomes immoral or is led onto the wrong path, this becomes his sole cause for concern; even if the whole country were being subjected to extremely immoral activities, he would feel no need to pay attention to them. Therefore, if you wish to change someone’s world of thought, it will be your responsibility to become fully aware of all his circumstances and to examine his surrounding environment carefully. You will then notice what, in the present situation, is intimately connected with that person. You can begin your discussion with him by focusing on that relevant matter. For example, suppose you are explaining to him that laws devised by human beings can in no way be effective for human welfare and cannot solve human problems. To this end, you present events and arguments from different parts of the world in support of your position. But this will not appeal to him as much as discussing a matter connected with that individual and presenting arguments and proofs in its support. This is the case in almost every matter. At such times, the situation should be properly understood.

(d) Meet him at a suitable time, so that he will listen attentively and with interest to what you have to say. Many people diminish the importance of their words by speaking without regard for the time. At times, a person may be thinking about a particular problem or may be completely absorbed in another task. If you approach him then with what you wish to say, it is obvious that you will have to return utterly disappointed. If you want to succeed, you must meet him at an appropriate time, so that he will listen to your conversation with interest; otherwise, you may wait for the right time. Everyone has some subject that attracts him most. You can certainly express your own interest in that subject. For example, whether it is hunting, a fondness for reciting poetry, an inclination toward a profession or art, involvement in a movement, farming, gardening, building houses, or clothing and dress, you can win his satisfaction by beginning a discussion through any of the countless subjects of this kind. In this way, you can prepare the ground for promoting your ideal. Otherwise, even if the person concerned listens to you silently, he may endure it for some time merely out of politeness, but then he will immediately begin arguing. Therefore, to achieve genuine success in promoting the ideal, you must first make a place for yourself in the heart of the person concerned.

Esteem for Virtue

Your aim is to attain a great objective. You wish to bring about a change in the way people in society think. You wish to remove from their minds and hearts many ideas they have carefully cultivated for years and to draw them away from their cherished inclinations. There is no doubt that this is difficult. Yet, just as the most complicated matters in the world become easy through sound methods of work, it is not impossible to remove the difficulties from this task in a similar way. Indeed, if it is carried out through proper and suitably refined methods, this task too can become pleasing.

For this purpose, I offer several suggestions. Suppose you wish to meet a man who is highly intelligent and gifted, capable of fully understanding what you say with only a little attention. But he is always busy with extensive affairs and has not even a moment’s leisure to sit privately and listen to a few words from you. Besides, in large cities almost everyone is in the same condition. Where can one find a “fool” there who has nothing to do? Wherever you look, you will see everyone working endlessly, like parts of a machine. In such circumstances, how will you attract people’s attention to yourself? How will you awaken in them the desire and motivation to pay attention to you and be ready to speak with you? The following methods may be adopted for this purpose. For example:

Suppose a certain man goes to a bank. It is extremely crowded there. The officer whom he needs cannot even raise his head under the pressure of work. In such circumstances, it is impossible to speak with him. Even if he occasionally looks up, it would not do merely to speak with that one man; many others are also standing there, waiting to speak with the officer for their own needs. If he speaks at such a time, he will have to speak with everyone.

Suppose that man somehow managed to get an opportunity to converse. He thought, “I will praise something about the gentleman that will make him extremely pleased.” With this in mind, he looked at the gentleman’s tie, stepped a little forward, and said, “I see that you have not even a moment to talk under the pressure of work; otherwise I would have asked about this excellent tie of yours. Where did you buy it?” The gentleman raised his head and, smiling slightly, said, “Do you really like it too?” The man replied, “Why would I not? Everyone considers a good thing good and is bound to praise it.” Touching the tip of his tie, the gentleman said, “Yes, that is so. Several others have praised it quite a bit so far.”

That brief conversation alone attracted the gentleman toward the man. Notice how exceedingly pleased the gentleman became at these few ordinary words; his pleasure was not of a trivial kind. It may have kept him cheerful for several hours. What deserves notice is how, through the use of intelligence, it is easy to establish rapport with a person in a short time with only a few words. The value of a friendship formed in this way should be tested once by a promoter of the ‘ideal.’

A certain man had a learned, educated young man as his neighbor. He worked in a telephone office. He was almost always seen busy with work. There was never any time to speak with him. He was either on duty or had gone out for a walk or to the market. In such circumstances, when could one speak with him? By chance, the neighbor went to the telephone exchange one day. At that time, the gentleman in question was on duty. He had instruments attached to both ears. He kept calling out numbers incessantly in one direction while matching numbers from one side to the other. Yet despite such pressure of work, there was not the slightest sign of irritation in him. He continued announcing the numbers in a soft, sweet voice. There was not the slightest trace of harshness or roughness in the gentleman’s speech. The man watched this for a long time. As soon as he found a brief opening, he considered it an appropriate moment and sincerely offered a little praise for the gentleman’s memory and his sweet, gentle replies. At this small compliment, the operator’s face lit up with pleasure. He exclaimed enthusiastically, “You are seeing this? You have not seen what it is like all the time; when the trouble increases many times over, there is not time even to scratch one’s head—indeed, one must say there is not even time to breathe.” Then the operator said, “Please wait a little. My duty is nearly over. Only a little work remains. We will return home together.”

After that, the two went home together and discussed various matters on the way. As a result, the situation has now become such that, whereas not even five minutes could previously be found for a brief conversation with the operator, he now sits for hours listening to books being read and discussing various subjects. In short, the course of his life is now flowing in an entirely different direction.

A certain man was seeking an opportunity to speak with a professor, but the gentleman conducted himself so carefully that, after replying to someone’s greeting, he gave no one an opportunity to speak with him at length. Suddenly, one day it became known that the professor was ill. He could not go to college that day either. Hearing the news, the man went to visit him. After sending word to the house, he learned that the professor was resting in his study and had asked him to go there. The books, reading table, and other articles had been arranged in his room with great skill. As soon as he got the opportunity, after formally asking about his physical condition, the man said to the professor:

“The things arranged so neatly in your room truly reflect your refined taste. How splendid! You have furnished the room very beautifully with books and so forth. Such a place is ideal for studying important subjects. Even if one does not feel like reading here, one feels inclined to read.” After hearing such praise, the professor spent that day discussing only matters related to the furnishings of the room. He gave a brief introduction to the books kept in the various cupboards and on the shelves. As a result, it was seen that from then on he no longer retained the attitude of disdain he had previously shown. He now continued sitting and conversing with the man for hours. He read whatever book the man gave him, and gradually the contents of the books began to exert an influence on him.

Although the foregoing remarks were presented by way of examples, they are now regarded as an important principle connected with people’s practical lives. It is not accidental that events of this kind cause people to be attracted to one another. Rather, there is an important foundation for it: every person wishes that people should regard him with respect and consider him good. Your deepest wish, like that of everyone else, is for people to acknowledge your beauty, qualities, and ability, and to respect you. Here, of course, what is meant is genuine beauty and ability. We are not speaking of false or unrealistic praise based merely on appearance, or artificial flattery that may create arrogance in the listener’s mind. You must discover what genuine qualities and abilities the person concerned possesses. This should be expressed through every word and action of yours: that you are giving his abilities their proper value. There is no person in the world in whom, by drawing on some qualities, great or small, one cannot find a way to correct his countless faults. Finding people’s faults is easy. Leave that to others. Train yourself to notice people’s good qualities. Then you will see how people respond to your call and how their attraction to you increases.

The Attitude of Victory and Defeat

Your aim is to put a great purpose into practice. You want other people to become followers of your ideal. You want your words to influence their hearts. Therefore, a few more suggestions are being offered for this purpose. You should pay attention to these as well.

This will become clear through an example. One day I went to a feast with a certain learned man. As usual, after eating, everyone was engaged in conversation on various subjects. At that point I noticed a gentleman on one side displaying considerable eloquence in his speech. His manner of presentation made it seem that he was trying to impress everyone by showing the extent of his learning. At one point he said, “Allah has said in the Qur’an, ‘Al-a‘mālu bin-niyyāt’”—(the result of an action depends on the intention). I then listened closely and began observing his words. First I looked at the venerable scholar with whom I had gone to the feast, to see whether he would object to this quotation by the man. But when I saw that he made no objection at all to this error, I was extremely astonished. Perhaps he had perceived where the man’s error lay. Even a moderately learned person like me knows that “Al-a‘mālu bin-niyyāt” is not a Qur’anic verse, because this sentence does not occur anywhere in the Qur’an. Rather, it is a famous hadith recorded at the beginning of almost every hadith collection. What a grave error! If this error had been pointed out publicly, he would certainly have been deeply embarrassed before everyone, and his attempt to prove himself omniscient would have been exposed. But I saw that my respected companion, the learned gentleman, said nothing about it. The man continued saying whatever he wished in his invented speech. At times I felt like breaking his vessel of self-importance, but while I was thinking about what to do, he moved on to another subject. Thinking the matter had become old, I remained silent. On the way back from the feast, I asked the learned gentleman, “How is it that you said nothing even though the man made such a great mistake? It is quite clear how limited the learning is of someone who refers to ‘Al-a‘mālu bin-niyyāt’ as a Qur’anic verse.” The Maulana then told me, “I did not wish to embarrass him at that time, because in such circumstances he would have moved away from me instead of being attracted to me. Besides, it is worth considering that he did not ask me whether ‘Al-a‘mālu bin-niyyāt’ is a Qur’anic verse or part of a hadith.”

My friend, the Maulana, is no longer in this world. May Allah grant him Paradise. But his words remain engraved in my heart. Many people need the kind of advice that this venerable man gave me. It is human nature that people constantly become involved with others in conversation. Most people have a tendency to engage in arguments with others. Given the opportunity, everyone takes satisfaction in criticizing someone else. Through the force of debate, everyone tries to establish the superiority of his own opinion. But if you observe carefully, you will realize that there is only one best way to win an argument, and that is to remain away from arguing with people, just as one stays away from harmful animals and snakes and scorpions. In ninety-nine percent of cases, the result of an argument is that, even after all the debate, both sides believe their own reasoning to be correct and sound. You can never truly win an argument. If you are defeated, you have lost; and even if you win, you will find that you are defeated. For in that situation you have merely proved that your opponent is ignorant. This may make you happy for a short while, but in the argument your opponent’s heart has been torn to pieces. You have belittled and humiliated him. You have dealt a severe blow to his self-reliance and personality. You have hurt him. You have compelled him to accept something against his will. His opinion has not actually changed because of this. His deep-rooted belief has not changed in the slightest. It is not at all possible to change a belief nurtured throughout someone’s life by winning a debate. People’s opinions can never be changed in this way. At most, the opponent may temporarily acknowledge what you say, but only because he is cornered and caught in the tricks of the argument. You cannot influence even an illiterate, uneducated person through debate. Of course, you can silence him. Leaving the uneducated aside, even with educated people it is often seen that you present arguments and proofs so clear that they ought to accept them without hesitation, yet they still do not accept them. Instead, they launch a contrary and confused debate, causing the discussion to become extremely long. It moves far away from the subject under discussion. As a result, the speaker no longer knows what principle to follow or what to do. The listener simply continues expressing his own views and takes himself far away from the subject. It is not at all desirable for you to allow yourself to face such a situation, for it is a major obstacle and harmful to reaching your great objective. However, if circumstances cause you to encounter such a situation somewhere, you should try to avoid it. With a little intelligence, you can change such a situation.

Consider the following example

An income-tax officer began arguing with a certain businessman. The officer wanted to levy tax on something that, according to the provisions of the law, offered no grounds for levying tax. The businessman tried repeatedly but found himself unable to make the income-tax officer understand. On the contrary, the more he tried to explain, the more the officer began arguing and became agitated. The quarrel continued to grow. The businessman realized that the matter was ultimately turning into a quarrel and debate. He then quickly tried to turn the conversation in another direction. He said, “Look, Officer, compared with all the important work you carry out from morning to evening, this matter is nothing. It is merely an ordinary, trivial issue. There is no need to make so much of it. I do not possess the expertise in laws and regulations that you have, nor could I. We have only read books, whereas you yourselves have practiced these matters from morning to evening. There is an enormous difference between knowledge from books and direct experience. If I too had such an opportunity to understand laws and regulations, perhaps I would understand the meaning of that clause in the same way you have. In any case, let me think about this matter, and you too think about it a little more deeply. Perhaps, in light of your experience, some way may open up by which you will be able to satisfy me as well. I think it would be best not to discuss this matter further now, but to discuss it at another time.” At these words, the officer became somewhat gentler. The direction of the discussion also changed. To display his competence, the officer began mentioning several people who had generally deceived him and whom he had managed to catch.

In this way, after their conversation, they eventually began speaking quite amicably. When the businessman was preparing to leave, the officer promised him, “All right, I will reconsider your matter.” Three days later, when the businessman met the officer again, the officer agreed without further argument to what he had not been willing to accept even after much debate that day. The sole reason had been that, as a government officer, he would be admitting his ignorance to an ordinary businessman and submitting to him! For this would prove that a businessman understood the significance of the law better than the officer concerned. That was why he had entered the argument, prepared to preserve his own dignity and conceal his weakness, and had been unwilling under any circumstances to support the businessman’s position. But as soon as his dignity received recognition in another way and his weakness was concealed, all his anger cooled within a moment, and his mind became ready to accept justice and truth. Similarly, you will meet many highly educated people. Even if you present an indisputable argument before them, they will not be willing to acknowledge the truth and submit to you; they will not agree to admit that they are less knowledgeable. On the other hand, if you adopt a course of action that does not injure their sense of knowledge, you will undoubtedly be able to make them accept your argument. In particular, remember one more thing: always try to accept defeat in argument when dealing with scholars, religious leaders, customers, and husbands and wives. For in these fields, accepting defeat brings greater benefit than winning. Remember, those who wish to leave something constructive behind in the world scarcely have time to quarrel over ordinary matters. It is better to leave the road clear for a galloping horse. Otherwise, if you block the road, you may be injured yourself. In short, instead of wishing to win a debate, it is better to remain away from it.

Showing Respect for Mental Tendencies

You may have experienced that many of our decisions do not always prove correct. Yet we still consider them correct and do not readily wish to acknowledge our mistaken decisions to others. The same applies equally to other people. Everyone is in the same condition. At first, no one has the inner strength to admit his own mistake. Then tell me: what right do you have to regard someone as inferior because of his mistaken opinion or decision? Or simply to dismiss what he says? You should understand that if another person calls one of your opinions wrong, it feels painful and irritating to you, even though you yourself have admitted that none of your opinions or decisions is free from error. Therefore, we should understand from this that if we call another person’s opinion wrong, it similarly wounds his feelings. This is human nature, because he regards it as a slight against his self-respect.

You may also know that opposition to someone’s decision or opinion is not expressed only through words. A hostile look, a frown, a sarcastic expression, gestures, indirect taunts, and similar means are also used to prove another person’s opinion wrong and oppose it. To oppose another person’s opinion and try to prove it wrong is to knowingly attack his mentality. For its only implication is that the person has less knowledge, thinks in the wrong way, and is being led along the wrong path. There is no doubt that the person concerned will naturally rise up against you and become angry with you. At that time, no matter how valuable the arguments and proofs you present to place his error clearly before his eyes or to correct it, he will not be prepared to support your opinion.

When conveying the call of the ideal, it is absolutely essential for the promoter of the ideal to remember the foregoing points. Then he will never adopt an adverse manner and create an unfavorable situation. Otherwise, opposition will certainly become pronounced in the listener’s mind. For every person’s own opinion is dearest to him. When the situation is like this, why unnecessarily create obstacles in your own path? In short, the ultimate sign of your success in promoting the ideal will be when you are able to change someone’s thinking with such skill that he does not even realize you have tried to reform him. Be more knowledgeable than others, and strive to become knowledgeable, but do not let him discover, even remotely, that you are becoming more knowledgeable than he is.

It will often happen that another person’s mistake becomes plainly apparent to you. At such a time, first of all, you must not give the listener any opportunity to realize that you have noticed a particular mistake of his, or that the opinion he holds or the decision he has made is wrong. Rather, in such a situation you may say to him, “Perhaps what I have understood about this matter may also be wrong, and your opinion may be correct. But what harm would there be in our reconsidering it later?” Or you may say, “I am often mistaken. I hope you will certainly correct my mistake. Come, let us think about this matter further.” This can likewise be done through other words of a similar kind. Such words are like a sort of magic spell. By using them, you are unlikely to face any difficulty. They will also close off every avenue of dispute, and you will see your listener as a rational and learned person. At that time, he will listen to your words with an open mind and reflect upon them.

The number of people who give the greatest importance to reason and evidence in any matter, or who try especially to understand an issue in the light of logic, is certainly very small. Most people also display the tendency to pay no attention to logic at all. Rather, in one way or another, they make futile attempts to impose their views on others. Not only that, many other ailments can be observed among such people. They may harbor hostility toward you, suspect you, fear you for some reason, or be filled with conceit and envy you. In short, countless such maladies exist among people, creating obstacles in the way of their suddenly thinking about or accepting something. Consequently, people are not readily prepared to change any preconceived notion they already hold. The real fact is that we ourselves are constantly changing our own opinions and ways of thinking. We ourselves act contrary to our own decisions. Of course, this takes time. At first, we give priority to our own opinions and beliefs and try to place them above everything else, whatever the cost, even when they are entirely baseless notions. A deep attachment and sincere love are mixed with a person’s firmly held notions and beliefs. When it comes to a belief, people rarely consider whether their belief is sound and faultless when tested on the touchstone of reason and evidence. The importance of the word “my” is certainly immense. In such a situation, turning someone away from his beliefs is an extremely arduous task. In practice, this is what happens: the more we expose the weakness and unreality of a listener’s beliefs before him, the more eager he becomes to protect them. In such cases, one should try to create an atmosphere in which he has the opportunity to think about his old beliefs and arrive at the truth on his own. This is the best method in such circumstances. Some people think that if they can prove the importance and validity of their own opinions before a listener, they will influence him and their words will carry greater weight with him. But in terms of the result, this is entirely mistaken. For as soon as the listener feels that the speaker is exerting himself to establish the superiority of his own opinion, he will withdraw completely and refuse to accept his words. For this then appears, directly and predominantly, to be an attempt to make someone else’s opinion seem worthless. Experienced people know very well how effective it is to express one’s opinion to someone humbly. Then the person concerned readily abandons his own opinion and adopts yours. Of course, effort and practice are required at first. After that, it will become a habit.

From the foregoing discussion, someone may wonder: if one sees another’s mistake, and some wrong action is taking place or something erroneous has occurred, does correcting it then become a duty for everyone? Yes, it is true that the very existence of the Muslim nation is for the purpose of bringing about the permanent end of all false principles, erroneous opinions, and misguided ways from the face of the earth. It is obligatory for a Muslim, when he sees something undesirable happening, to consider the circumstances and, if possible, resist it with his hand to the extent of his ability; otherwise, he should try to correct the mistake or wrongdoing by speaking out. But this does not mean that as soon as one sees something wrong or mistaken, one must abruptly say, “This is completely wrong,” or, “What you are doing is wrong.” Moreover, after recognizing something as wrong, would it not be better, rather than immediately labeling it wrong and provoking the person concerned, to create an environment in which he can realize his mistake himself and, becoming aware of its consequences, come forward to correct it? In my view, when correcting mistakes with the purpose of propagating the ideal in mind, adopting the foregoing approach is the best course.

For example, suppose your listener is a non-Muslim. He is expressing his opinion about purdah. He considers purdah oppression of women. He regards the purdah system as extremely harmful to health. He jokes and scoffs at this injunction of Islam. You possess many strong proofs of the necessity of purdah and in its favor. It would be no difficulty for you to prove his statement false through reason and evidence. But when you realize that the listener is not at all prepared to give any importance to your arguments and proofs against his opinion, you should not mention your own evidence before him under any circumstances. For the time being, leave the discussion there. Simply say to him, “All right, rather than discuss this matter further now, let us leave it for another time. We can discuss it more then. No decision should be reached about such a complex matter in such a hurry.” This gives each person an opportunity to think about the other’s arguments and evidence. Everyone should always be prepared to accept the sound arguments and good aspects of another person’s doctrine. As a result of this kind of conversation, you will see that the listener becomes extremely humble. He will consider your words with interest. If, in one meeting, you discuss some social and moral degradation other than the issue of purdah, you will see him echoing your opinion. You can then tell him that, in our view, the root cause of moral degradation is the unrestricted intermingling of men and women. In that situation, your listener will in no way oppose your words. Once discussion has created even a little favorable disposition in his mind toward the main point, if you can then explain to him in an orderly way what the correct form of Islamic purdah is, you will see that the pronounced aversion he has so far felt toward purdah has diminished considerably. Of course, the matter of fanaticism is separate. But if you continue your work properly and gracefully, you will see that your listener has been compelled to move a considerable distance away from his former position.

This is only one example. There are countless problems of this kind that you can solve in a very easy manner. For this, however, you will in practice have to make extensive mental preparations. You must properly gauge the listener’s attitude toward the subject under discussion. In this work, one generally encounters the following problems in most cases:

1. Islam and slavery 2. Polygamy 3. The Islamic social order existed for only 30 years 4. Is it possible to establish an Islamic social order in the present age? 5. The Islamic economy 6. Religion should always remain free from politics, and so on. To answer questions relating to all these problems, it is essential for you to acquire sufficient education and learning through extensive study.

Matters on Which There Is Agreement

As a propagator of the ideal, your responsibility is to create a revolution in the world of people’s thought and turn the direction of their thinking in such a way that they can readily accept your arguments and understand the nature of your ideal. They should be made to change, willingly, their opinions and ways that they have held for many years. This does not mean that you both agree on every aspect of the subject under discussion and that you must begin your discussion by relying on all those points. Rather, this will prepare the ground for your later discussion—that is, for the main message. Generally, people begin a discussion by taking up the matter on which there is disagreement. This is entirely wrong. Hold firmly to one principle: under no circumstances should you give your opponent an opportunity to say “no” in response to anything you say. At the beginning of the discussion, you must carefully adopt an approach that compels him to say “yes” to your words from the very start. For it is natural that if a person says “no” in disagreement about something at the very beginning of a discussion, that attitude of disagreement continues to influence him. His personal pride compels him to remain committed to that “no.” Even after realizing that saying “no” was inappropriate, his personal ego does not allow him to move away from it. Later, getting a “yes” out of him becomes almost impossible. You must always remain alert in this matter. Do not give him this opportunity under any circumstances. For once he has said something, it becomes impossible for him to retreat from it.

It is necessary to remember this subtle point: when beginning a discussion, you must take care that the listener does not in any way realize that you are forcing him to admit something. Discuss repeatedly the matters on which he agrees with you. If you reflect, you will be able to find countless such points. This is the strategy of propagating the ideal to which the following verse also points. Allah the Exalted instructed the Noble Prophet (peace be upon him) to begin his discussion with the People of the Book in this manner:

“Come, let us first agree on that in which we have already been united.” (Aal Imran 3:64)

What an easy method this truly is! Yet ordinarily no one pays attention to it. Instead, one thinks, “First I will deliver a reasoned speech so that he acknowledges my competence and importance.” No concern is shown even if this causes the listener’s mind to become rebellious. This is a completely wrong method. You must admit that if someone does such a thing merely for enjoyment, that falls outside the discussion. But a person who adopts such an approach in order to achieve some noble purpose is unsurpassed in ignorance. There is a famous saying about Socrates: whenever he wanted to make someone adopt his view, he would ask him questions that compelled him to say “yes” to every point. His method of discussion was such that the listener had to continue saying “yes” to him at every step. He would even have the listener acknowledge through his own words the very objective of the discussion. In this way, it becomes easier for the listener to accept the speaker’s words. In that state, the listener ultimately becomes willing to accept even something that at first he might not have acknowledged at all; because of its unpleasant presentation, he might instead have completely rejected it, or, having once said “no,” remained steadfast in it. Therefore, whenever you try to make someone adopt your view, you must pay particular attention to this principle: the listener must not be given any opportunity to say “no” at the outset. Rather, try to ensure that from the very beginning he acknowledges your words by saying “yes, yes.”

Proceed Step by Step

Your faith and firm conviction are that Islam alone is capable of solving all the problems of humankind. It is also your desire that this very belief become firmly rooted in the minds of other people and that a great change and revolution take place in the world of human thought centered on this belief. You are troubled and alarmed by the immoral condition of the present world. You are not merely troubled; you are also firmly resolved to eradicate it. For this purpose, you possess abundant material, which you have accumulated through your study and education in order to reform the corrupt society of the present.

In such circumstances, it is also possible to tell your listener all these things at once and turn him into your supporter. But you may have experienced that accomplishing this so easily is by no means possible. Changing another person’s thinking is extremely difficult. Here, the role of your competence will be to make the listener understand through your discussion that you regard him as a person of considerable knowledge. In your eyes, he is a thoughtful and intelligent person. You give sufficient importance to his opinion. Once you have created this impression in the listener’s mind, you will see how eagerly his mind becomes ready to listen to your words. For this purpose, you should place before your listener a number of predetermined questions. For example: How can immoral conditions be eradicated? What is the remedy for plunder in the economic sphere? How can a beautiful and well-ordered society be established? What will be the standard of such a society? What is the true place of human beings in this world? And so on. When you invite the listener to think about these complex questions, you will see that perhaps his mind was completely empty regarding them and that he may never have thought about them before. He will then immediately try to understand your movement and begin to state what he has understood. You must proceed in this matter with great caution and a sound course of action. Finding the listener incapable in this area, you may at once feel inclined to present your views before him in detail, together with arguments and evidence, or to discuss his comments arising from ignorance and explain your own words more fully. In neither of these situations should you allow the listener to realize that his knowledge in this matter is extremely insignificant compared with yours. Otherwise, you will fail. You will succeed only when you are able to present the main message to the listener skillfully, through hints, indications, and suggestions, in such a way that his heart accepts the arguments and evidence you have given, while he believes that what he is thinking and considering is solely the result of his own inquisitive thought and investigation. If you see him moving away from the correct path, you can bring him onto the right path without his noticing. And if you feel that he is entirely unwilling to accept your arguments, or is accepting them only partially, you should observe him from a psychological point of view. Do not then try to put all your arguments and evidence before him at once; rather, when the time and opportunity arise, you will be able to obtain his acknowledgment of the remaining matters with ease. One more thing must be remembered: to the extent that your listener agrees with you, you should also try to make him realize that this opinion is his own. What he has understood is the result of his own thinking, and whatever he has understood, he has understood remarkably well. Through this method, your future path will become clear.

A propagator who cannot understand the environment in which his listener was raised, what influence that environment has had on him, and how he should deal and converse with him in light of it is bound to become completely disappointed in his listener. The successful propagator is the one who observes the influence of the listener’s surroundings upon him during the discussion. Consider this: perhaps you do not worship cows, do not regard the python as a sacred and blessed deity, do not visit shrines and circumambulate them, and consider it shirk to wear an amulet from a pir in order to achieve your objectives—these are not necessarily any extraordinary virtues of yours. Perhaps, by somehow closing your eyes to such an environment, you have managed to protect yourself from superstition. But how many people are there in society who have been able to free themselves from all these superstitions through their own intelligence and judgment? Most people have been able to keep themselves away from such ignorance and sinful practices simply because they were raised in an environment where these things did not exist. Therefore, if your listener too is afflicted by the superstitions of such an environment, you may regard him as somewhat incapable on that account. People often do many things out of emotion without going deeply into the matter. Such people appear to be the majority in society. In these circumstances, if you provide genuine knowledge and open the eyes of people’s understanding, many of them will refrain from such things. For people often do under the influence of their surroundings or emotions what they later abandon in a sound state of mind as a result of being given genuine knowledge.

Someone may ask: do not those who disbelieve in Allah, the Messenger, and the Hereafter also say that they reached this conclusion only after extensive study and thought? In this case, what they say is certainly true to some extent, but the majority are people who in reality think about nothing at all. Rather, they may be drifting with the winds of the age, or be under the influence of something in which no thought is given when taking action. Everyone does everything merely out of herd impulse. As a result, an anti-religious attitude gradually becomes pronounced in them, and all kinds of mistaken notions about religion take root in their minds. The initial duty is to purify the moral sense of such people. Of course, this is a very laborious task.

Another noteworthy point is that, although you can silence someone with irrefutable arguments and evidence, preparing your listener to accept something wholeheartedly, or inspiring him to cast old ideas out of his mind and accept the truth anew, is not possible through mere eloquence or argumentation. Rather, for this purpose, you must skillfully and ordinarily create inspiration and motivation for action within him. Through this inspiration, you will be able to accomplish a great deal. For it is precisely this inspiration and inclination that impel people to undertake many undesirable acts, which they themselves acknowledge as erroneous when tested on the touchstone of reason and evidence. What would you say about the robber who spends day and night committing wrongdoing and oppression and plundering people’s wealth and property, yet also helps the poor and distributes all his stolen goods among them? The real point is that, along with his brutality, he also possesses an inclination toward benevolence; he wants people to consider him a benefactor of the public. He takes pleasure in doing this precisely to gain that psychological consolation. Yet by the standards of justice and truth, he too considers his profession reprehensible. Keeping this example before us makes this truth clear: when motivating people to do something, their emotional inclinations are often more effective than evidence and eloquence.

Therefore, when propagating the ideal, one should sometimes, alongside appealing to people’s refined and subtle feelings, try to appeal to their various emotions as well—for example, their humanity, honesty, refined taste, public service, compassion, character, notable achievements, contributions, and so on.

“Call to the way of your Lord

with wisdom and excellent exhortation

and argue with people in the best manner.”