Publisher’s Note
Building a family is an extremely important task. It is especially essential for those involved in the Islamic Movement. In this booklet, the author has tried to present the subject appropriately. Considering that the booklet will particularly benefit those dedicated to establishing the Islamic social system, we have decided to publish it. The responsibility for the final judgment rests with the readers. I hope the readers will not be miserly in properly evaluating the booklet. May Allah protect you.
Publisher
Author’s Note
The Islamic Movement is the name for striving and endeavoring to implement the Islamic way of life in society. Just as an individual is engaged in the Islamic Movement, so is he connected with his family. The Islamic Movement needs to involve the larger population in the Movement. The individual needs to prepare the members of his family for success in the Hereafter. For that reason, they must be involved in the Islamic Movement. Every family member is an individual unit at the personal level. Everyone needs to participate in the Islamic Movement for success in the Hereafter. Therefore, a person involved in the Islamic Movement must continue striving tirelessly to orient all the members of his family toward the Islamic Movement.
The matter was being considered at the central level of Jamaat-e-Islami. At this stage, I was assigned the responsibility of reading a paper on “Orienting Family Members toward the Movement” at a central unit meeting. In that context, I prepared a paper and presented it at the central unit meeting. It was discussed and reviewed. In light of that, I revised it and prepared “Building a Family Oriented toward the Islamic Movement.”
This booklet may be somewhat helpful to our manpower, that is, the entire Islamic community, in the problems they face regarding family and family-building. It is with that objective that the booklet has been printed and placed in the hands of the readers. If kind-hearted readers send me any advice concerning this matter, I intend to make revisions in the next edition. The rest is Allah’s will and grace. May Allah protect you.
Professor Muhammad Yusuf Ali
Building a Family Oriented toward the Islamic Movement
The Islamic Movement is the name for the ultimate effort, endeavor, and striving to establish Islam in social life. The individual and the family are the principal units of social life. Therefore, the importance of the individual and the family in implementing Islam is immense. If individuals and families become broadly oriented toward Islam, the initial foundation for implementing the Islamic ideal in social life becomes strong. For this reason, the individual and the family must first be oriented toward the Islamic Movement. The more families become oriented toward the Islamic Movement, the more the number of individuals oriented toward the Islamic Movement will increase. In this regard, if an individual oriented toward the Islamic Movement strives, plays a role, and takes the initiative to orient his family toward the Islamic Movement, momentum will naturally be added to the Islamic Movement.
Therefore, in the context of the Islamic Movement, “building a family oriented toward the Islamic Movement” is an extremely important and essential matter. Devoting oneself to this important task is an indispensable responsibility for every person involved in the Islamic Movement. To a great extent, the Movement depends on how active those engaged in the Islamic Movement are in fulfilling this responsibility.
To build a family oriented toward the Islamic Movement, every family member must take steps toward its formation. Thus, the subject under discussion consists of three matters: (1) family members; (2) orienting family members toward the Islamic Movement; and (3) building a family oriented toward the Islamic Movement.
1. Family Members:
Orienting family members toward the Islamic Movement is an extremely important task. Proper attention to this task can produce good results. It is necessary to examine whether leading figures in the Islamic Movement sometimes neglect giving this matter due importance. To my knowledge, no formal discussion or review of the matter has taken place in the past, although it has been mentioned, even if only casually, in personal reports. The purpose of mentioning in reports whether a family meeting has been held is none other than to orient family members toward the Movement.
No extensive research is needed regarding family members. However, the matter should be clarified in light of Bangladesh’s socioeconomic conditions, its mention in the Qur’an and Hadith, and the form of the Islamic social system. In Bangladesh’s socioeconomic environment, the joint-family system still exists in many cases. In those families, parents, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, sons-in-law and daughters-in-law, and grandchildren together constitute one family. Only the son-in-law leaves with his wife to live in his own family. The rest remain part of the same family. In the Noble Qur’an, it is stated in verse 24 of Surah At-Tawbah:
قُلْ إِنْ كَانَ أَبَاؤُكُمْ وَأَبْنَاؤُكُمْ وَأَخْوَانُكُمْ وَأَزْوَاجِكُمْ وعشيرتكُمْ
“If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives”.
Here, the meaning of family has been made broad. If the meaning of family is taken as ‘ahl,’ it can be extended. As it has been said:
قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا
“Save yourself and your ahl from the Fire of Hell.”
In a Hadith, it is related that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) placed Lady Fatimah and Hazrat Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) beneath a cloak, prayed to Allah, and said that these are my Ahl al-Bayt. Thus, a daughter and son-in-law also become part of the ahl. Again, in Surah At-Taghabun and Surah Al-Furqan, the family has been restricted to wives and children. For example, it is stated:
إِنَّ مِنْ أَزْوجِكُمْ وَأَوْلَادِكُمْ .
“Indeed, among your wives and your children.” (At-Taghabun)
It is stated in Surah Al-Furqan:
مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّتِنَا .
“Among our wives and our offspring.”
I think we can resolve the matter in this way: wives and children are directly dependent on us for maintenance, so responsibility for them rests directly with us; while, generally speaking, other relatives are also connected with the family, and we should have some role regarding them as well.
2. Orienting Them toward the Islamic Movement:
Generally, orienting someone toward the Islamic Movement means bringing family members from an opposing position to the side of the Islamic Movement so that they do not oppose it. But if the matter is understood deeply, we should not be satisfied with merely this. Let us examine the matter separately in relation to wives, sons, and daughters.
a) Orienting One’s Wife toward the Islamic Movement:
Why did I myself become a Rukn of Jamaat-e-Islami? If the answer is—attaining Allah’s pleasure by joining the organization, taking bay‘ah, and becoming a Rukn in order to fulfill the obligatory responsibility of establishing the religion—then the matter to be considered is whether my wife needs to fulfill the responsibility of establishing the religion and attain Allah’s pleasure. If she does, then she must fulfill that responsibility as a Rukn. Therefore, orienting one’s wife toward the Islamic Movement means making her a Rukn, or at least bringing her as a worker to the target of becoming a Rukn.
b) The Meaning of Orienting Sons toward the Islamic Movement:
From the age of Shibir through student life, reaching the various levels of Shibir and becoming a member, and after student life, becoming a Rukn of Jamaat in working life.
c) The Meaning of Orienting Daughters toward the Islamic Movement:
Becoming a member of the Students’ Organization during student life and becoming a Rukn of Jamaat in married life.
3. The Importance and Essentiality of Orienting Family Members toward the Islamic Movement:
a) It is seen from the history of the prophets and messengers that they fulfilled the responsibility of prophethood through successive generations: Hazrat Ibrahim, Hazrat Ismail, Hazrat Ishaq, Hazrat Yaqub, Hazrat Yusuf, Hazrat Zakariya, and Hazrat Yahya, peace be upon them all. These accounts show that children must take up the responsibility of their forefathers. Indeed, this was the purpose of wishing for children at that time. Let us consider the prayer that Hazrat Zakariya (peace be upon him) made when, in old age, he wished for a child. It is stated in the Qur’an:
وَإِنِّي خِفْتُ الْمَوَالِي مِنْ وَرَائِي وَكَانَتِ امْرَأَتِي عَاقِرًا فَهَبْ لِي مِنْ لَّدُنْكَ وَلِيًّا – يَرِثُنِي وَيَرِثُ مِنْ آلِ يَعْقُوبَ وَاجْعَلْهُ رَبِّ رَضِيًّا.
“Indeed, I fear those who will succeed me after me, while my wife is barren. So grant me from Yourself an heir, who will inherit from me and inherit from the family of Yaqub; and, my Lord, make him pleasing.” (Surah Maryam 19:5–6)
This matter is stated in verses 89–90 of Surah Al-Anbiya as follows:
وَزَكَرِيَّا إِذْنَادَى رَبَّهُ رَبِّ لَا تَذَرْنِي فَرْدًا وَأَنْتَ خَيْرُ الوارثين – فَاسْتَجَبْنَا لَهُ وَوَهَبْنَا لَهُ يُحْيِي وَأَصْلَحْنَا له زوجة ، إِنَّهُمْ كَانُوا يُسَارِعُونَ فِي الْخَيْرَاتِ وَيَدْعُونَنَا رَغَبًا وَهَبًا ، وَكَانُوا لَنَا خُشَعِينَ .
“When Zakariya called upon his Lord, saying, ‘My Lord, do not leave me childless and without an heir; You are the best of inheritors.’ Then We answered his call and granted him Yahya, and made his wife capable of bearing a child. Indeed, they used to hasten toward good deeds, call upon Us with hope and fear, and were humbly submissive to Us.”
The two verses above show that children are desired with the intention that they will carry on the mission of the Prophet, and that they hasten toward good, worship Allah, and fear Him. Therefore, the program of making children oriented toward Allah, the religion, and the Movement is a historic program.
b) The individual has been given the responsibility of saving himself and his ahl from the severe punishment of Hell. It is stated:
يأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلئِكَةٌ غِلاظٌ شِدَادٌ لا يَعْصُونَ الله مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمِرُونَ .
“O you who believe, protect yourselves and your ahl (family members) from the Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are appointed stern and powerful angels who do not disobey Allah in whatever He commands them and do whatever they are commanded.” (Surah At-Tahrim 66:6)
In verse 214 of Surah Ash-Shu‘ara, the Messenger was instructed:
وَانْذِرْ عَشِيرَتَكَ الْأَقْرَبِينَ“Warn your nearest relatives.”
Therefore, just as you are responsible for yourself, you are likewise responsible for your family; indeed, you must also continue warning your near relatives. They can be saved from the Fire of Hell only by making the family oriented toward the religion and the Movement.
c) The worldly prosperity of the family is not the ultimate goal; salvation in the Hereafter is also important. People are extremely anxious and careful about their family’s worldly prosperity, although it is not this world but the Hereafter that is ultimate. Just as an individual must earn as much as he can and arrange for the family’s maintenance, he must likewise involve them in following the rules of the Shariah and properly participating in the work of establishing the religion. If a person plays an appropriate role after understanding the importance of this matter, considerable success is possible.
d) The Qur’an states that if fathers, forefathers, wives, relatives, and children follow the path of the religion in this world, they will enter Paradise together.
وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَاتَّبَعْتُهُمْ ذُرِّيَّتُهُمْ بِإِيْمَانِ الْحَقْنَابِهِمْ ذُرِّيَّتَهُمْ وَمَا التَّنْهُمْ مِنْ عَمَلِهِمْ مِنْ شَيْءٍ ، كُلُّ امْرِئٍ
بِمَا كَسَبَ رَهِينه
“Those who believed and whose offspring followed them in faith—We will join their offspring with them, and We will not deprive them of anything from their deeds.” (Surah At-Tur 52:21)
جَنَّتُ عَدْنٍ يَدْخُلُونَهَا وَمَنْ صَلَحَ مِنْ آبَائِهِمْ وَأَزْوَاجِهِمْ وَذُرِّيَّتِهِمْ وَالْمَلَئِكَةُ يَدْخُلُونَ عَلَيْهِمْ مِّنْ كُلِّ بَابٍ – سَلَّمٌ عَلَيْكُمْ بِمَا صَبَرْتُمْ فَنِعْمَ عُقْبَى الدَّارِ .
“They will enter everlasting Gardens of Eden, along with whoever among their fathers, wives, and offspring was righteous. The angels will enter upon them from every gate, saying, ‘Peace be upon you for your patience. How excellent is the final abode!’” (Surah Ar-Ra‘d 13:23–24)
Indeed, those who follow the religion in this world and strive as much as they can to implement the establishment of the religion will be the ones blessed with such good fortune. Therefore, the head of the household must play an appropriate role in properly developing all the family members. This task can be accomplished only by properly understanding its importance.
4. Why Do Family Members Not Become Oriented toward the Islamic Movement?
We all desire that family members become oriented toward the Islamic Movement. Yet why does this still not happen properly in many cases? The reason must be sought and identified very carefully. Only then can preventive measures be taken.
a) One reason may be that, because we have been given responsibilities in the Movement, our sense of responsibility binds us so closely to the organization that we are unable to fulfill our responsibilities toward our families properly. At times, even the family’s needs remain unmet. As a result, resentment and discontent arise in the minds of family members, causing them gradually to distance themselves from the Movement.
b) Even when family needs are met, in many cases our responsible workers cannot give the time and attention needed to properly develop their families. Thus, although a person travels throughout the country or a vast area doing the work of the Islamic Movement, it has no influence in his own home. In fact, this results in no work being done in building the family—not the work of da‘wah, not the work of developing attitudes and outlooks, and we do not even have enough time to hold family meetings regularly.
c) In some cases, there may perhaps be a psychological reason. It may be thought: I myself spend time outside working for the organization; if my wife also becomes a Rukn of Jamaat and takes on greater responsibilities, then who will look after the family? Or, if one devotes oneself to Shibir’s work, one’s studies will suffer, thereby hindering the work of Career Building. Such attitudes must be abandoned. There are many families in which both husband and wife are Rukns; their families have not collapsed. It is possible to work while maintaining a balance between Shibir and studies—people must be developed in this way. They should not be made one-sided in either direction.
d) Some wives and children may be somewhat unruly or opposed. This creates a major problem. The Qur’an and Hadith contain some indications concerning this, and steps should be taken in light of them. I will first mention two Hadiths in this regard:
عن عبد الله بن عمرو قال قَالَ رَسُولُ الله صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ الدُّنْيَا كُلَّهَا مَتَاعٌ وَخَيْرُ مَتَاعِ الدُّنْيَا المرأة الصالحة . ( متفق عليه )
(1) “Abdullah ibn Amr reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: The whole world is a provision, and the best provision of the world is a righteous wife.” (Bukhari, Muslim)
عن أسامة بن زيد قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ الله صَلَّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلَّم ما أدعُ بَعْدِى فِتْنَةً أَضَرُّ عَلَى الرِّجَالِ مِنْ النساء
(2) “Usamah ibn Sa‘id reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: I have not left behind any trial more harmful to men than women.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
The Hadith presents two entirely different types of women. Whether you regard your wife as the best provision or as a harmful trial will determine the judgment and outcome. If your wife belongs to the first type and you have failed to develop her, you are responsible for that. If a wife of the second type has fallen to your lot, then, in accordance with the Qur’anic teaching, the principles of forgiveness and reform must be applied.
Allah the Exalted says in Surah At-Taghabun:
يُأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِنَّ مِنْ أَزْوَاجِكُمْ وَأَوْلَادِكُمْ عَدُوٌّ الكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوهُمْ ، وَإِنْ تَعْفُوا وَتَصْفَحُوا وَتَغْفِرُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غفور رحيم
“Indeed, among your wives and children are some who are your enemies, so beware of them. But if you pardon them, overlook them, and forgive them, then surely Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Surah At-Taghabun 64:14)
If any activity opposed to the religion and the Movement appears among wives and children, Almighty Allah has recommended not severing relations with them, but adopting the path of forgiveness. Along with forgiveness, however, Allah the Exalted has stressed continuing efforts at reform. If admonition, discipline, forgiveness, and efforts at reform continue in this way, some results may be hoped for. Of course, the Qur’an has also permitted taking some further stern measures because of a wife’s disobedience. Those measures may be taken only after calm and deliberate thought. Allah the Exalted says:
وَالَّتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي المضاجع وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ، فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سبيلا
“As for those women whose disobedience you fear, admonish them, then abandon them in their beds, and then strike them lightly. But if they obey you, do not seek a way against them.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:34)
After this, reconciliation is mentioned on the basis of arbitration by both sides. The same is said regarding men:
وان امْرَأَةً خَافَتْ مِنْ بَعْلِهَا نُشُورًا أَوْ أَعْرَاضًا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَنْ يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صَلْحًا ، وَالصَّلْحُ خير ، وأحضرت الأنفسُ السُّحَّ ، وَإِنْ تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا لَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا
“If a woman fears ill-treatment or neglect from her husband, there is no blame upon them if they reach a settlement between themselves, and settlement is best. Souls are prone to selfishness. If you do good and remain mindful of Allah, surely Allah is All-Aware of what you do.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:128)
Thus, Almighty Allah has shown a path to resolution even amid extreme discord. Therefore, if a wife is completely opposed, there is no alternative but to seek the path of admonition, discipline, forgiveness, reform, and reconciliation in this manner. However, keeping that Hadith of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) in mind at all times may produce good results.
عنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ استوصوا بالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا فَإِنَّهُنَّ خَلَقْنَ مِنْ ضِلْعِ وَإِنْ أَعْوَجَ شيي في الضلع أعلاه فإن ذهبت تُقيمه كسرته وان تَرَكْتُهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعُوجَ فَاسْتَوْصُوا بالنساء خيرا
“Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Accept my advice to treat women well. They were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its upper portion, from which woman was created. If you try to straighten it, you will break it; and if you leave it, it will remain crooked. So treat women well.” (Mishkat, vol. 6, Hadith no. 4000)
5. If Any Family Member Joins the Opposing Camp, That Will Not Be Acceptable.
The Qur’an declares:
يَأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَتَّخِذُوا أَبَاءَكُمْ وَاخْوَانَكُمْ أَوْلِيَاءَ ان استحبُّوا الْكُفْرَ عَلَى الإِيْمَانِ ..
“O you who believe, do not take your fathers and brothers as allies if they prefer disbelief over faith.” (Surah At-Tawbah 9:23)
In light of this verse, if one’s brothers, wife or husband, or sons and daughters give preference to an ideologically opposed group over the Islamic party and maintain relations with it, they cannot be taken as close allies. Efforts at reform may perhaps continue, but they cannot be taken into one’s confidence and accompanied together.
6. Building a Family Oriented toward the Islamic Movement:
Orienting someone toward the Islamic Movement means engaging him in the work of establishing the religion. The work of establishing the religion has two aspects: (a) family members’ observance of the religious and Shariah rules and regulations; and (b) participating in the Movement for implementing the religion.
a) The Rules of the Religion (Shariah) Becoming Established in the Family:
Steps toward building a family oriented toward the Islamic movement must be taken from the very beginning. At the time of marriage, greater importance must be given to the religious outlook of the prospective bride and groom than to their worldly outlook. If, instead of prioritizing the acquisition of wealth through marriage and attraction to beauty, importance is given to religious and moral qualities, the religious environment in the family will increase. There are complaints that when girls from the Chhatra Sangstha are married, many of them remain oriented toward the movement rather than turning their attention to the home. This must be remedied; that is, a balance must be established between the work of the Chhatra Sangstha and family responsibilities. The work of the Chhatra Sangstha should be continued as far as possible while serving the husband and pleasing the parents-in-law. One must carefully consider how appropriate it is to continue movement work by creating unrest in the family.
In accordance with the characteristics of an Islamic family, whenever a new guest arrives in the family, the child must be welcomed to Islamic culture immediately after birth by reciting the adhan and iqamah. The child must be given a beautiful Islamic name and an aqiqah must be performed. As the child gradually grows up, he or she must be trained in Islamic culture. Islamic versions of the Arabic, Bengali, and English alphabets, as well as Islamic rhymes, must be taught. Attention must be paid to whether the rules of the Shariah are being observed among the family members. Care must be taken to see whether the wife and the sons and daughters regularly perform the prayers. If any deficiency is noticed in anyone, arrangements must immediately be made for correction. Attention must also be paid to whether the family has arrangements for purdah in accordance with the rules of the Shariah, and any deficiency must be corrected. At the same time, steps must be taken to establish an Islamic environment in the family. Islamic practices such as exchanging salam and entering a room after seeking permission must be introduced among the family members.
On the other hand, anti-Islamic cultural influences must be removed from the family. The family members must be mentally prepared to ensure that pictures of animals are not kept in the home and that programs contrary to the Shariah are not broadcast on the radio or television. Television has continued to be identified as a problem, because if a television is not kept at home, there is a fear that children of all ages will go outside and become even more corrupted, while if one is kept at home, it is difficult to control it properly. The head or controller of the household is not always near the television. Therefore, it must be controlled as far as possible, and arrangements must at least be made to ensure that obscene films and programs contrary to the Shariah are not shown.
Appropriate importance must be given to the Islamic education of sons and daughters. Attention must be paid from an early age to ensuring that they learn the Qur’an correctly and learn the prayers. Thereafter too, attention must be given to Islamic education in their studies. For if children are raised entirely through secular education and training, it may become difficult to keep them firm on the path of deen. In this regard, the father’s companionship can be a source of encouragement for the children. If the father strives to raise them on the path of deen to the best of his ability, good results may be achieved.
However, the mother’s role in building a family is the foremost. Sons and daughters remain with their mother for most of the time. Therefore, an ideal Islamic family requires an ideal Islamic mother. Children learn more from their mother. That is why one’s own language is also called the mother tongue or the language of one’s mother. If the mother possesses exemplary character, is steadfast in fasting and prayer, observes purdah, speaks sweetly, behaves well, converses courteously, and fears Allah, her influence cannot fail to affect her children, to a greater or lesser degree.
Likewise, both parents must possess excellent character and be exemplary, so that their imprint may be left on their children. If there is any contradiction in the lives of the parents, it cannot be expected that their children will grow up with exemplary character. Therefore, both parents must be true Muslims, believers, and God-fearing.
Parents should make arrangements, to the best of their ability, for education and training to develop the latent intelligence and talents of their sons and daughters. But it must be assessed how prudent it is to make them ambitious, educate them in English-medium schools, and thereby involve them excessively in worldly hopes and aspirations. In reality, the family is a dwelling filled with affection, love, tenderness, and compassion. Regarding this, the Qur’an says:
وَمِنْ آيَتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مُوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً طَ إِنَّ فِي ذلك لايت لقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ .
“Among His signs is that He created spouses for you from among yourselves so that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed affection and mercy between you. Surely in that are signs for people who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum 21)
Keeping her within this bond of love, the wife must be brought onto the path of deen. When necessary, she must be advised and disciplined, and in the same manner the sons and daughters must also be guided along the path of deen and compelled to follow the rules and regulations of the Shariah. In this way, the family will proceed on the path of deen.
b) Making the family members oriented toward the movement:
If the family can be পরিচালিত along the path of deen, it will be easy to orient it toward the movement. In that case, the greatest necessity is to set a target for each individual. Just as a target is needed to orient the wife toward the movement, setting a target is likewise necessary to orient the sons and daughters toward the movement.
b.1. Making the wife oriented toward the movement:
A person’s relationship with his wife is very deep. He loves her, fulfills her needs, and fulfills the needs of their children. Therefore, it is natural for him to have influence over her. That influence must be put to use. It must be remembered that when the Messenger of Allah went to his own wife with the message of revelation, his wife was the first Muslim. He must engage his wife in discussions oriented toward the Islamic movement and conversations oriented toward the Hereafter, and give her suitable books and periodicals to read. He must encourage her to join the nearest unit. He must establish contact with the neighboring female official. If there is no unit nearby, a unit must be formed through his wife with another two to four women. He must encourage her in the organization’s work and cooperate with her in this regard. When necessary, he must remain at home to give her the opportunity to attend meetings. Family meetings must be held with the wife and children. Advice from the Qur’an and Hadith must be continued. In this way, her mindset must be developed toward the movement. People must be arranged to assist with household work. In this way, she must be made an active supporter, worker, and rukn.
b.2. Making the children oriented toward the movement:
Arrangements must be made for religious knowledge at an early age, and when the boys reach the appropriate age for Shibir, they must be put in contact with Shibir. Shibir’s personnel must be treated hospitably so that they can develop friendships with your son. If Phul Kuri is available nearby, he may also be included in it. Arrangements must be made to obtain Kishore Kantho. At this stage, he must be encouraged to work with Shibir. Of course, attention must also be paid to whether a balance is being maintained between Shibir’s work and his studies. These matters must be checked during family meetings. Similarly, the girls must be engaged in the work of the Chhatra Sangstha. If there is no Chhatra Sangstha work in your vicinity, you must obtain its publications and advance your daughter herself in the work of the Chhatra Sangstha.
b.3. Making sons and daughters oriented toward the movement when they enter working life:
When the boys enter working life, you must continue pursuing your target. By contacting the nearby Jamaat official, you must pay attention to ensuring that your sons become part of Jamaat’s personnel. This must be checked during family meetings. Attention must be paid to ensuring that, along with the boys’ material advancement, they also advance in the field of the movement. They must be urged to remain on and advance along the path of the movement even after the girls are married. From time to time, you must visit the daughters’ homes and guide the daughters and sons-in-law toward deen and the movement. Regarding the marriage of sons and daughters, it must be remembered that it is not right to arrange marriages with attention only to material advancement. Appropriate importance must also be given to the standard of the religious movement. Therefore, attention must be paid to ensuring that your son’s wife advances in the movement.
In short, work must begin from the outset with the target of making your family an ideal Islamic family, and this target must be pursued until the end. There is no change in the target here; it is a lifelong target. Constant attention must be maintained to see whether anyone is falling behind. For the attractions of the world, the following of one’s desires, and Satan’s deception and fraud are always active.
7. Fulfilling the rights of parents, husbands and wives, and neighbors:
A characteristic of an ideal Islamic family is that the rights of the parents are fully fulfilled in that family, the mutual rights of husband and wife are upheld, and the rights of neighbors are fulfilled by maintaining good relations with them.
Regarding the fulfillment of parents’ rights, Allah Himself has emphatically instructed this through the Qur’an. It is stated in the Qur’an:
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلا تَعْبُدُوا الأَ أَيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ احْسَنًا امَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كُلَّهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَا أَفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا –
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَّبِّ ارحمهما كَمَا رَبَّيني صغيراً –
“Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him and show kindness to parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your presence, never say to them even ‘uff,’ nor scold them; rather, speak to them respectfully. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy on them both, as they raised me in childhood.’” (Surah Bani Isra’il 23, 24)
Therefore, in the light of the Qur’an, one must behave well toward one’s parents and parents-in-law and be completely obedient and dutiful to them. Their needs must be fulfilled and they must be pleased. One must behave and conduct oneself in such a way that they spontaneously pray for their child. The mutual relationship between husband and wife must be loving and harmonious. There must be no quarrels or resentment between them. At the very least, it is not right to quarrel in front of the children. They must settle matters mutually. In this regard, attention must be paid to the mutual rights of husband and wife. The rights of both husband and wife that are sanctioned by the Shariah must be fulfilled. The husband must provide his wife’s maintenance; the wife must respond to her husband’s call and must not refrain from exchanging the things he needs. One must inquire whether any neighbor is suffering from poverty or illness and take the necessary steps.
8. The Qur’an in reforming family members:
The Qur’an has explained in detail the fulfillment of parents’ rights, in verses 23–28 of Surah Bani Isra’il and verses 15–17 of Surah Al-Ahqaf. However, if parents urge one to commit shirk, they must not be obeyed. This is mentioned in Surah Al-Ankabut and Surah Luqman. It is stated in Surah Luqman:
وَإِنْ جَاهَدُكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُشْرِكْ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبُهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا
(لقمان: ١٥)
“If they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them; but treat them both well in this world.”
If one or both parents become involved in misguidance, it is the son’s responsibility to strive to reform them. The Qur’an mentions that Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) spoke to his father about his misguidance:
وَإِذْ قَالَ إِبْرَاهِيمُ لِأَبِيهِ أَزْرَ أَتَتَّخِرُ أَصْنَامًا أَلِهَةً إِنِّي ارك وقَوْمَكَ فِي ضَللٍ مُّبِين .
“And when Ibrahim (peace be upon him) said to his father, Azar, ‘Do you take idols as gods? Indeed, I see you and your people in clear misguidance.’” (Surah Al-An’am 74)
The advice given by the wise Luqman to his son is mentioned in verses 12–19 of Surah Luqman. The matters about which advice was given here are as follows:
1. Shirk must not be committed with Allah, because shirk is a great injustice.
2. One is told to give thanks to Allah and to one’s parents.
3. If the parents support shirk, shirk must not be committed. However, they must be treated well in this world.
4. One must follow the path of those who turn toward Allah.
5. Everyone must return to Allah, and thereafter their deeds will be made known to them.
6. In the Hereafter, Allah will bring forth and present even the slightest hidden deed, wherever it may be.
7. The prayer must be established.
8. One must continue commanding good and forbidding evil.
9. One must remain patient in adversity and affliction.
10. One must not distance oneself from society.
11. One must not walk on the earth arrogantly—Allah does not like the arrogant.
12. One must adopt moderation in one’s conduct.
13. One must keep one’s voice low, for the loudest of voices is the voice of the donkey.
9. If one does not attain salvation in the Hereafter oneself, no one will come to benefit one:
It has been clearly stated in many places in the Qur’an that if one’s record of deeds is bad in the Hereafter, none of one’s relatives will be of any benefit.
يَوْمَ لَا يَنْفَعُ مَالٌ وَلَا بَنُونَ
“On that Day, neither wealth nor children will be of any benefit.” (Surah Ash-Shu’ara 88)
Therefore, one must first strive to the best of one’s ability to improve one’s own standard so as to become worthy of Allah’s pleasure. At the same time, one must make every possible effort to develop the family members so that they are worthy of success in the Hereafter.
10. A number of recommendations for taking personal and organizational steps to orient family members toward the movement:
Personally:
– Despite being extremely busy with work, some time must be set aside for family reform and family building. If possible, time should be allotted monthly or weekly as a family day.
– Family meetings must be held regularly.
– There must be no negligence in fulfilling ordinary family needs.
– Efforts to maintain the target and to explain it must continue.
Organizationally:
– Family matters must be inquired about at organizational meetings at various levels.
– The wives of the movement personnel and officials must be brought together in conferences and encouraged in the movement.
– The children of the movement personnel and officials must be brought together in conferences at successive levels and encouraged in the movement.
– Mutual cooperation must be maintained.
11. Conclusion:
The matter is practical and individual-based. No single formula will be effective in this regard. Different circumstances and different measures will be necessary for each individual. Therefore, everyone must reflect and research regarding his or her own family and take the necessary steps. Some of us take excessively strict measures toward family members in certain cases, while others give them excessive latitude. Neither is right. A middle course should be adopted. If reading this booklet creates some awareness and leads one to pay a little more attention to the family, I will consider my labor worthwhile. May Allah grant everyone goodness and blessings. Ameen.