Whose Right Is Greatest After Allah

The foremost obligation or duty of a human being is to believe in Allah and to obey and worship Him sincerely. Immediately afterward, family duties begin. Fulfilling all these responsibilities and thinking about reforming and rebuilding family life are socially necessary in one respect, and are also religious duties. After family life begins the sphere of lineage-based life. In this life, the highest position and greatest right belong to parents. The lofty status and importance of parents’ rights can be understood from the manner in which the Holy Qur’an describes them. In many places, the Holy Qur’an mentions parents’ rights alongside Allah’s rights, and places great emphasis on gratitude toward parents alongside gratitude toward Allah.وقضى رَبُّكَ أَلا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ، إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا ربيني صغيرا بنی اسرائیل : ٢٣-٢٤“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and show kindness to parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your presence, do not even say ‘Uff’ to them, nor rebuke them, but speak to them a gracious word. Lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: ‘My Lord, have mercy on them as they raised me when I was small.’”—Surah Bani Isra’il: 23–24

If these two verses of the Noble Qur’an are recited repeatedly and reflected upon, several things will become clear:

First, after Allah, the greatest right over a believer is that of parents. In the Noble Qur’an, immediately after declaring the oneness of the Lord, the first command is to treat parents well. Thereafter, this instruction is mentioned repeatedly in the Qur’an in similar wording.

Second, when parents grow old, some roughness and irritability inevitably develop in their temperament, and because of their age they begin to say things that are undesirable. Muslims should, during this period of their parents’ old age, remain mindful of their rough temperament, gladly bear everything they say, never respond with even an ‘Uff’ out of annoyance, and never answer them in a reproachful tone. Children must remember their own childhood. At that time, without understanding, they used to trouble their parents with all kinds of unnecessary questions and pointless talk. Yet their mother and father listened to them with smiles, were pleased, replied affectionately, and were never annoyed.

Third, one must remain completely attentive to the honor and dignity of parents. Their respect must be kept in mind while speaking with them. At the final stage of life, when their strength has gone, elderly parents naturally say various things to preserve their dignity and express their own importance. They insist unnecessarily on their opinions, become angry repeatedly, and express their displeasure in different ways. In such circumstances, the instructions of the Noble Qur’an must be understood deeply. Their words must be endured with a smile, and one must never, out of irritation, utter anything contrary to their honor and dignity.

Fourth, one must be humble and gentle in conduct with them. Along with obedience, it is essential to lower one’s head before them. Their instructions should be heard attentively and carried out with contentment. When, in old age, parents become dependent on every kind of help from their children, serving them as an obedient attendant is essential. But no arrogance or sense of favor should appear in any word or deed. Rather, one should feel honored to show them filial respect and should thank Allah for the opportunity to serve them.

Fifth, when parents reach a helpless and weak age, one should remember one’s own childhood, when a child is extremely weak, helpless, and dependent. At that time, parents endure countless hardships and raise the child with great affection, love, and care. They rejoice at the child’s happiness and become distressed at seeing the child suffer. Remembering one’s childhood, one should repeatedly raise one’s hands in prayer, overcome with love and mercy, and say: ‘O Lord! Just as they raised us with affection and love, devoting their very lives to us in childhood, have mercy on them as well and ease their difficulties.’

The matters described very briefly yet beautifully in these two verses of the Noble Qur’an are found in detail in the Sunnah and hadiths of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him.

The Importance of Parents

عن أبي أمامة رضي اللهُ عَنْهُ أَنَّ رَجُلاً قَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَا
حق الوالدين على ولدهما ؟ قَالَ هما جنتك وبارك ابن ماجه، مشكوة“Hazrat Abu Umamah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that a man asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, ‘O Messenger of Allah! What right do parents have over their child?’ He said, ‘They are your Paradise and your Hell.’”—Ibn Majah, Mishkat

The meaning of this saying of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, is that no person can dispense with his parents. Apart from their importance in social life, their importance is also immense with regard to salvation and success in the life hereafter. By treating them well, obeying them, and keeping them pleased, a child can build a home for himself in Paradise. On the other hand, by trampling upon their rights and displeasing them, he may become fuel for Hell.

عنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ – وَقَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، رِضا اللهِ فِي رِضَا الْوَالِدِ وَسُخْطُ اللَّهِ فِي سُخْطِ الْوَالِدِ“It is narrated from Hazrat Abdullah ibn Amr, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Allah’s pleasure lies in the father’s pleasure, and Allah’s displeasure lies in the father’s displeasure.’”

Allah’s pleasure cannot be attained by denying the rights of parents. Those who can keep them pleased can please Allah. Those who provoke their anger cannot escape Allah’s wrath, and whoever displeases them displeases Allah as well.

عن معاوية بن جامعة أن جَاهِمَة جَاءَ إِلى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ . فَقَالَ يَا رَسُول الله – أردت أَنْ أَغْزُو، وَقَدْ جِئْتُ اسْتَشِيرُكَ ؟ فَقَالَ هَلْ لَّكَ من أم قال نعم، قَالَ فَالْزَمَهَا فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ عند رجلها – ابن ماجه، نسائ“Hazrat Muawiyah, son of Hazrat Jahimah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that Hazrat Jahimah, may Allah be pleased with him, came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! I wish to participate in jihad with you, and I have come to consult you about it. What is your command in this matter?’ The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, asked him, ‘Is your mother alive?’ Jahimah, may Allah be pleased with him, replied, ‘Yes.’ The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Then go back and remain devoted to her service, for Paradise lies beneath her feet.’”

The phrase ‘Paradise lies beneath her feet’ has been stated in a broad sense. It means that she must be given complete respect and treated with utmost humility. One must regard serving her wholeheartedly as the means of one’s salvation. The hadith above emphasizes obedience to the father, while this hadith describes the importance of obedience to and service of the mother. In Tibrani, this hadith is narrated mentioning both mother and father. Hazrat Jahimah, may Allah be pleased with him, himself said: ‘I came to the service of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I wish to participate in jihad and seek your opinion about it.” He said, “Are your parents alive?” I replied, “Yes, praise be to Allah, both are alive.” He said, “Go and remain devoted to their service, for Paradise lies beneath their feet.”’

عن أبي هريرة عن النبي صلى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ رَغمَ أَنْفُهُ ثُمَّ رَعْمَ أَنْفُهُ ثُمَّ رَغمَ أَنْفُهُ، قَبْلَ مَنْ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ ؟ قَالَ مَنْ أَدْرَكَ وَالدَيْهِ عِنْدَ الْكَبَرِ أَوْ أَحَدَهُمَا ثُمَّ لَمْ يَدْخُلِ الْجَنَّةَ“It is narrated from Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: ‘May he be humiliated, again may he be humiliated, and again may he be humiliated.’ The people asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, who?’ He said, ‘The one who finds both or one of his parents in old age and yet does not enter Paradise.’”

The Worldly Reward for Serving Parents

The greatest reward for serving and obeying parents is attaining Allah’s pleasure and receiving Paradise. That is the reward of the Hereafter. But Allah also rewards in this world those who serve their parents sincerely and observe their rights. In fact, the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, once narrated to his Companions the fascinating story of three men. He said that once three men were traveling somewhere. On the way, torrential rain surrounded them, so they entered a cave for shelter. By Allah’s power, a large rock slid down from the mountain and fell over the cave’s entrance, completely blocking it. The three friends became terribly frightened—and understandably so. They could not move the rock, and there was no one there to call for help. They sat in despair, thinking that they had been buried alive and that the cave would be their grave. One of them said, ‘We must not despair of Allah’s mercy. Let each of us pray to Allah, mentioning the best deed of his life. Hopefully Allah will rescue us from this calamity through His mercy.’

One of the travelers began: ‘O Allah! My parents were elderly and I had small children. I would graze goats during the day and, when I returned home, milk them and give the milk first to my parents, then to my children. One day I went far away and returned very late. When I came home at night, my parents had already fallen asleep. As usual, I milked the goats, filled a cup, and stood at my parents’ bedside, waiting for them to wake so I could offer them the milk. It became quite late. My children began to cry from hunger. They repeatedly came and collapsed at my feet, asking for milk. But I could not bear to give them milk before my parents. My parents could not lie hungry while my children ate their fill and rested comfortably. In short, I stood there all night holding the cup. My parents slept, while my children cried and collapsed from hunger. Thus the whole night passed. O Allah! If I did this only to seek Your pleasure, then, through Your mercy, move this rock away from the mouth of the cave.’

As soon as he said this, the rock shifted somewhat from the cave entrance, and the sky became clearly visible. Then the other two travelers also prayed through their respective righteous deeds, and Allah, through His mercy, opened the cave entrance.

Treating Parents Well

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بْنِ مَسْعُودٍ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ سَأَلْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَيُّ الْعَمَلِ أَحَبُّ إِلى اللهِ ؟ قَالَ : الصَّلُوةُ عَلَى وَقْتِهَا -قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَي ؟ قَالَ : بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ قُلْتُ، ثُمَّ أَيُّ ؟ قَالَ الْجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ای
بخاری، مسلم“Hazrat Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud, may Allah be pleased with him, said: I asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, ‘Which righteous deed is most beloved to Allah?’ He said, ‘Prayer performed at its proper time.’ I asked, ‘Then which?’ He said, ‘Treating parents well.’ I asked, ‘Then which?’ He said, ‘Striving in the path of Allah.’”—Bukhari and Muslim

No Muslim is unaware of the importance and virtue of prayer. Even so, what kind of importance must the righteous deed that the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, emphasized alongside such an important act of worship have in religion? A relationship naturally exists between parents and children. A relationship of good conduct and love between them is entirely natural because of their blood ties. Every believer loves his parents and serves them with heart and soul as far as possible. But the meaning of the beloved Prophet’s emphasis is that this relationship is not merely one of lineage and worldly life; it is also a religious matter. The religion of Allah and obedience to Allah require treating parents well. The command of Allah and His Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, is to obey them, serve them, honor them, and try in various ways to keep them pleased. If a Muslim does not obey his parents, he does not obey Allah and His Messenger either. He is not merely guilty in terms of lineage and worldly life; he is also guilty before Allah and will have to answer to Him.

قَالَ عَبْدُ الله بن عمرو بن العاص رض : أَقْبَلَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللهِ صلى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ أَبَايِعُكَ عَلى الهِجْرَةِ وَالْجِهَادِ ابْتَغِي الْآخِرَ مِنْ الله، قَالَ فَهَلْ مِنْ والديك أحد حي ؟ قَالَ نَعَمْ، بَلْ كِلَاهُمَا حَيٍّ، قَالَ فتبتغي الأجر من اللهِ ؟ قَالَ نَعَمْ، قَالَ فَارْجِعُ إِلَى وَالِدَيْكَ فَأَحْسِنُ
صحبتهما – مسلم“Hazrat Abdullah, son of Hazrat Amr ibn al-As, may Allah be pleased with him, said: A man came to the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and said, ‘I pledge allegiance to you for migration and jihad, seeking their reward from Allah.’ The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked, ‘Are either of your parents alive?’ He said, ‘Yes; rather, praise be to Allah, both are alive.’ He asked, ‘Do you truly seek the reward of migration and jihad from Allah?’ He said, ‘Yes, I seek the reward from Allah.’ The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Then return to your parents and treat them well.’”—Muslim

Who can deny the importance given in religion to migration and jihad? Even so, if parents, because of old age, weakness, or some disability, are dependent on their child’s help and service, then the child should serve them and provide them comfort, seeking Allah’s reward. In this lies Allah’s pleasure. In such helpless circumstances, Islam has described remaining with and serving parents as an even better deed than excellent acts such as migration and jihad.

Hazrat Abdullah ibn Amr, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that a man came to the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, to pledge allegiance for migration, leaving his parents weeping. At that time, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Go back to your parents and make them happy just as you left them weeping.’”—Abu Dawud

He also said that a man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, intending to participate in jihad. The beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked him, ‘Are your parents alive?’ He replied, ‘Yes, praise be to Allah, they are alive.’ He said, ‘Go and continue serving them. That is jihad.’—Muslim, Abu Dawud

Showing Respect to Parents

عن أبي سعيد رض أنَّ رَجُلًا مِنْ أَهْلِ الْيَمَنِ هَاجَرَ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ : هَلْ لكَ أحدٌ بِالْيَمَنِ ؟ قَالَ، أَبُولَى، قَالَ أَدْنَالَكَ ؟ قَالَ لا، قَالَ، ارجع اليهما ، فَاسْتَاذِنَهُمَا، فَإِنْ أَدْنَالَكَ فَجَاهِدُ وَإِلَّا فَبِرَهُما – ابوداود“Hazrat Abu Sa’id, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that a man from Yemen migrated to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him. He asked, ‘Do you have anyone in Yemen?’ He replied, ‘Yes, my parents.’ He asked, ‘Have they given you permission?’ He said, ‘No.’ He then said, ‘Return to them and ask both of them for permission. If they give you permission, then strive in jihad; otherwise, remain with them and treat them well.’”

A man traveled many miles to come to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him. He came with the noble intention of staying with him and striving to strengthen the honor of the religion. Yet he was sent back solely because he had not obtained his parents’ permission, and without their permission he was not allowed to participate in an important obligatory act such as jihad. Reflecting on this hadith makes one realize how much respect and honor religion teaches toward parents.

The Advice of Hazrat Abu Hurairah, May Allah Be Pleased with Him

Once Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, saw two men and asked one of them, ‘Who is this man to you?’ He replied, ‘Sir, he is my respected father.’ He said, ‘Listen, never call him by his name. Never walk ahead of him, and never try to sit before him in any gathering.’—Al-Adab al-Mufrad

The Reward for Speaking Gently

Hazrat Taylah ibn Mi‘yas, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated an incident of his own. Once I went to war with the army, where I became involved in some sinful acts. In my view, they were major sins. I became extremely distressed and, when I found an opportunity, mentioned the matter to Hazrat Abdullah ibn Umar. He said, ‘Tell me what happened.’ I related everything exactly. After hearing me, he said, ‘This is not a major sin; there are only nine major sins: associating partners with Allah; killing someone unjustly; turning one’s back on jihad; accusing a chaste woman of adultery; consuming usury; consuming an orphan’s property; engaging in unbelieving talk in a mosque; mocking and ridiculing religion; and making parents weep by disobeying or defying them.’ After saying this, he asked me, ‘Brother, do you wish to remain far from Hell and enter Paradise?’ I said, ‘Sir, why would I not? By Allah, that is what I want.’ He asked me, ‘Tell me, are your parents alive?’ I replied, ‘Yes, my mother is alive.’ He continued, ‘By Allah, if you speak to your mother gently and respectfully and attend to her needs, you will certainly enter Paradise. Just protect yourself from major sins.’

Repaying Parents

عن أبي هريرة عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلَّمَ قَالَ لا يُجْزِى وَلَدٌ وَالدَه إلا أن يجده مملوكا فيشتريه فيعتقه – مسلم، ترمذی، ابو ادود وغیره“Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: If a child could repay the affection, love, upbringing, and hardships of his parents, he could do so only by finding his father enslaved or his mother enslaved, purchasing them, and freeing them.”—Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud and others

Repaying the Mother

“Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that once Hazrat Abdullah ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, saw a Yemeni man performing tawaf around the Ka‘bah while carrying his mother on his back. The man was circumambulating the Ka‘bah and reciting this poem with great emotion.”

I am the riding camel that moves at her signal
When her mount flees in fear, I do not run away

Seeing Hazrat Abdullah, he asked, ‘Tell me, have I repaid my mother?’ Hazrat Abdullah replied, ‘Repaid your mother? This has not even repaid one “Ah!” of hers.’

The Conduct of Hazrat Abu Hurairah, May Allah Be Pleased with Him, Toward His Mother

Once Marwan, may Allah be pleased with him, appointed Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, as his substitute for a few days. At that time he was staying at Dhu al-Hulayfah. His mother lived in another house some distance away. Whenever he intended to go out, he would first come and stand at his mother’s door and say, ‘My dear mother, peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be upon you.’ His mother would reply from inside, ‘My dear son, and peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be upon you.’ Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, would then say, ‘Mother, just as you raised me with affection and tenderness in childhood, may Allah have mercy on you.’ She would reply, ‘My dear son, may Allah also send down upon you the same mercy that you have shown me and the comfort you have given me in my old age.’ When he returned from outside and entered the house, he would similarly greet his mother and repeat the same words.

The Ultimate Form of Obedience to Parents

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رَض قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَنْ أَصْبَحَ مطيعا الله في والديه أصبح له بابان مفتوحانِ مِنَ الْجَنَّةِ وَإِنْ كَانَ وَاحِدًا فَوَاحِداً وَمَنْ أمسى عاصيا لله في والديه أَصْبَحَ لَهُ بَابَانَ مَفْتُوحَانِ مِنْ النَّارِ وَإِنْ كَانَ وَاحِدًا فَوَاحِداً قَالَ رَجُلٌ وَإِنْ ظَلَمَاهُ قَالَ وَإِنْ ظَلَمَاهُ وَإِنْ ظلْماهُ وَإِنْ ظَلْماهُ – مشكوة“Hazrat Abdullah ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: Whoever begins the morning obedient to Allah regarding his parents has two gates of Paradise opened for him; if he has only one parent, then one gate. And whoever begins the evening disobedient to Allah regarding his parents has two gates of Hell opened for him; if he has only one parent, then one gate. A man asked, ‘Even if they wrong him?’ He said, ‘Even if they wrong him; even if they wrong him; even if they wrong him.’”—Mishkat

The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) adopted this mode of expression to emphasize kind treatment of parents. Thus, it becomes clear to a believer that obedience should be rendered only to Allah. Obedience to anyone besides Allah is not lawful. Obedience to parents and kind treatment of them are required because Allah has explained the rights of parents and commanded that they be observed and that parents be served. A believer must never obey his parents in any matter involving disobedience to Allah.
Despite the parents’ excesses, kind treatment means that if, because of their harsh temperament, parents continue making demands that are difficult for their child to fulfill, or keep making the children work excessively without considering the limits of their endurance, or make excessive financial demands beyond the children’s means, the children should nevertheless restrain their emotions and, even by exerting themselves, continue serving them and treating them well.
Although obedience is not obligatory upon the child in such a situation—for Allah does not place a burden on anyone beyond his ability or capacity—this is nevertheless the ultimate form of obedience to parents. The child will devote his life to serving his parents beyond his own capacity and sacrifice everything to keep them pleased and provide them comfort.
Yes, if they make a demand that infringes upon another person’s rights, causes its unpleasant effects to fall upon someone else, or opposes one of Allah’s commands, then obedience is certainly not required. For example, if they prevent someone from receiving his financial rights, or, out of sheer personal enmity or stubbornness, seek to force their daughter to separate without cause from a husband who does not withhold her Shariah rights, or prevent her from serving and obeying such a husband, then obedience to such parents is certainly not obligatory. This is because fulfilling another person’s financial rights is obligatory, and failing to do so is a grave sin. Allah forgives such a sin only if the rightful claimant forgives it.
The question of serving and obeying the husband, or maintaining relations with him, must also be considered in this light: establishing the marital relationship, the mutual love of husband and wife, and their good relations are highly pleasing deeds in the sight of Allah. Islam strongly urges that this relationship be maintained at all costs.
Undoubtedly, obeying parents is obligatory, but this obedience is subordinate to obedience to Allah. It is not an independent obedience. To obey parents while turning away from the guidance, commands, requirements, and welfare of the Religion is not obedience to Allah; rather, it is disobedience to Allah. No believer can hope for reward by rendering such obedience. Punishment becomes his due.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “If one of them is obeyed, one gate of Paradise remains open.” This does not mean that if one of the parents dies and there is no longer an opportunity to obey and serve that parent, only one gate remains open for such a child. Rather, it means that if one parent is being obeyed while the other is being displeased, a gate of Paradise is kept open because of obedience to one, while a gate of Hell is kept open because of disobedience to the other. If one of the two departs from this world after having been obeyed during his lifetime, the gate opened in return for that obedience will remain open; it will not be closed.
This hadith warns that it is not right for someone to obey one parent while displeasing the other through his actions. Allah keeps open the gate of Paradise because of obedience to one, but because of disobedience to the other, arrangements are made for the very gate of Hell to remain open. It cannot be the correct conduct of a believer to remain complacent about serving and obeying one parent after obeying the other. Rather, he seeks Allah’s pleasure by serving and obeying both.

Refusal to Obey Parents

Despite the emphasis placed in social life on the importance of parents’ rights and on obeying them and expressing gratitude to them, circumstances sometimes arise in which you may refuse to obey them. You may be able to fulfill the demands of the Shariah by setting aside their wishes. In Islam, the right to be obeyed belongs solely to Allah. You may obey people other than Allah only when Allah has permitted obedience to them, and only in matters that are permissible and lawful. If you obey someone while disobeying Allah, you will be sinful, and this obedience of yours will constitute disobedience to Allah. Just as remaining obedient to parents in obedience to Allah is a means of attaining Allah’s pleasure, obeying them in disobedience to Allah becomes a cause of Allah’s displeasure.
There is a famous hadith of Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) concerning the rights of parents. This hadith relates to an extremely delicate and serious issue in social life, and people often fall into misconceptions because of its outward wording. It is necessary to understand the true intent of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) properly and not, under the influence of a misconception, take a step that becomes a cause of disobedience to Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The hadith is as follows:

عن ابن عمر رض قال كان تحتى إمرأة أحبُّهَا وَكَانَ عُمَرُ يَكْرَهُهَا فَقَالَ لِي طلقها فَأَبَيْتُ فَأَتَى عُمَرُ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَذَكَرَ ذَالِكَ لَهُ فَقَالَ لِي رَسُولُ الله صلى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ طَلَّقَها – ابو داود، ترمذی
نسائی، ابن ماجه“Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated: I had a wife whom I loved very much, but Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) disliked her. He told me, ‘Divorce her.’ I refused. Umar then went to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and mentioned the matter to him. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to me, ‘Abdullah, divorce her.’”—Abu Dawud, al-Tirmidhi, al-Nasa’i, Ibn Majah

This hadith emphatically demands of you that you continue to obey your parents fully and not even allow the idea of disobedience to enter your heart. Yet it is not correct to conclude from this that obedience to parents is unconditional and unobstructed. From the outward wording of the hadith, people fall into the mistaken notion that parents have the right to order their son to divorce his wife whenever they wish—even if she is righteous and obedient. Likewise, whenever they wish, they may order a daughter to sever relations with her husband, even if he is righteous. Even when there is no Shariah-approved reason for severing the relationship, it must be done merely on the parents’ command.
This is a grave misconception. It has no real compatibility with the Shariah and no connection with its fundamental teachings. To understand any hadith and learn the true intent of the Noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), it must be understood in the light of the fundamental teachings of the Qur’an and Sunnah and the overall nature of the Religion, in a manner consistent with their manifest explanations and the basic teachings of the Religion.
This incident concerns the second Caliph, Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), who had fully absorbed the spirit of the Religion. His eyes had witnessed the Religion embodied in action, and he was fully acquainted with its temperament. He knew that a good relationship between husband and wife is more important than voluntary worship, and that Islam strongly urges maintaining this relationship at any cost. It permits severing this sacred relationship only when continuing it genuinely threatens to give rise to a greater religious and social disorder. He also knew well that the only one pleased by the severing of this relationship is Satan, upon whom Allah’s everlasting curse rests. He disliked his daughter-in-law and did not want her to remain with his son. Consider this: why would a person as knowledgeable about the Religion as Umar dislike his own daughter-in-law? Can it be imagined that he had personal enmity toward her and, for some worldly purpose, wanted to deprive her of her husband’s guardianship? Or that, because of some disobedience by his daughter-in-law, he had become so stubborn that he would not rest until she was divorced? Could any woman aware of the Companion’s piety think this of the second Caliph, Umar al-Faruq (may Allah be pleased with him)—the same Umar who sacrificed everything he possessed for the Religion?
It is clearer than daylight that a greater religious objective must have been before him, and that he pressed his son to divorce her for some moral and social benefit. It was not because he thought, “I am your father. By virtue of being your father, I can make you divorce her without cause, and whether or not you are at fault, you must remain obedient to me.”
On the other hand, Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) himself was a righteous young man. He too was fully acquainted with the Religion. He adhered to the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) with his heart and soul. His thoughts had been nurtured through the training of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). He was completely aware of the rights of parents and the importance of obeying them. No one could even imagine that he might disobey his parents. When Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) asked him to divorce her, Umar did not tell him, “By refusing to obey, you have become disobedient to your father.” Rather, he presented the matter before the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). From that court, commands had been issued at various times and in various words to treat wives well and keep the promises made to them throughout life, even if this required enduring some hardship. After considering the matter, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) agreed with Umar’s view and ordered Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) to divorce her.

When you consider this hadith in the light of the temperament of the Religion and the Qur’an and Sunnah, you will reach the conclusion that this is its meaning. The nature of the Religion demands it, and the teachings of the Qur’an and Sunnah say the same. Can parents, merely because of the outward wording of this hadith and while ignoring the clear guidance of the Religion, be given the right to order their son to divorce his wife whether or not there is any valid benefit? Or can they order a daughter and force her to seek khula from her husband?
If obedience to parents were free from such restrictions, then thousands of homes would be broken every day by future conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, and the peace of life of thousands of innocent women and men would be destroyed. Allah’s Shariah was not revealed so that it could be used to fulfill personal interests and achieve enmity, anger, and selfish aims. Whenever parents wished, they could use it to deprive an innocent woman of her husband’s love and guardianship and force an innocent young man to be deprived of the affection and love of a righteous wife.
To demand such obedience from a child—and that too contrary to reason—would be extremely heartless and harsh. Justice dictates that the Religion cannot demand such obedience from a child. Discussing this matter, Mulla Ali Qari gave a clear example and said that if parents order a son to divorce his wife, it is not obligatory for the son to obey that order. The renowned hadith scholar and jurist, Ajjuddin al-Shafi‘i, said that obedience to parents is not obligatory upon a child in every matter. That is, whatever parents command or forbid is not necessarily obligatory for a son to carry out. Who can deny the importance that the Religion gives to obeying parents and showing gratitude to them? But this certainly does not mean that obedience to them is obligatory in every lawful and unlawful matter. The issue of divorce and khula is extremely delicate and carries far-reaching consequences. Its effects do not fall only upon the man who divorces and the woman who seeks khula; many innocent people are also affected by its unbearable consequences. They may have to suffer throughout their lives.

This entire discussion applies only when parents compel divorce or khula without a Shariah-sanctioned benefit or a reasonable cause. If you perceive that your parents’ command was given not because of personal rancor, stubbornness, or worldly motives, but for a religious or social reason, then you can never disobey that command. At that point, carrying it out wholeheartedly becomes obligatory upon you. It is never permissible for you to give your personal likes and dislikes precedence over obeying them and offer your own love as an excuse. Their important rights and the demand of obedience require you to sacrifice your own love, wishes, preferences, and aversions and to find your own happiness in their satisfaction.

The Counsel of Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him)

Another hadith is found in support of this view. “A man came to Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) and said, ‘My father insisted greatly and arranged my marriage. But now he is ordering me to divorce my wife.’ Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) said, ‘Brother, I do not tell you to disobey your parents, nor do I tell you to divorce your wife. Yes, if you wish, I can tell you what I heard from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, “The father is the best of the gates of Paradise.” If you wish, safeguard that gate for yourself; and if you wish, neglect it.’”—Ibn Hibban

This point in the hadith deserves reflection. The questioner came and clearly said that his father had ordered him to divorce his wife. Yet Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) did not explicitly reply, “Since your father has said so, divorce her, because obeying him is obligatory.” Rather, he said, “I do not tell you to disobey your parents, nor do I tell you to divorce your wife.” If obedience had unconditionally been obligatory in this matter, Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) would have clearly said, “Divorce her and obey your parents.” With great wisdom and skill, Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) conveyed the command of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and encouraged the questioner to reflect on the matter himself. He should, of course, also take care not to wrong his parents, for obedience to them is a means to Paradise.

What to Do After the Death of Parents

عن أبي أسيد قَالَ كُنَّا عِندَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ رَجُلٌ يا رسول الله هل بقى من برابوى شيء بعد موتهما أبرهُمَا قَالَ نَعم . خصال أربع الدعاء لَهُمَا، وَالاسْتِغْفَارُ لَهُمَا وَأَنْفَاذُ عَهْدِهِمَا وَأَكْرِمْ صديقهما وصلة الرحم التي لارحم لك الا من قبلهما“Abu Usayd (may Allah be pleased with him) said: We were in the presence of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) when a man asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, is there any way I can continue treating my parents well after their death?’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, ‘Yes. There are four means: (1) supplicating for them and seeking forgiveness for them; (2) fulfilling their promises and lawful bequests; (3) honoring and showing hospitality to their father’s friends and mother’s friends; and (4) maintaining good relations and treating well those relatives whom you have only through them.’”—Al-Adab al-Mufrad

Parents endure hardship to raise and train their children and supervise them day and night. The truth is that even if you serve them like a slave throughout your life, you still cannot fully discharge their right to be served. For this reason, a believer treats his parents well throughout his life. Yet when his parents depart from this world, he continues thinking, “Alas, I have done nothing.” That is why, after their death, he seeks some way to please their souls. A man asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) about the heartfelt emotion of such a believer. He replied that it is still possible to treat them well after their death, and he explained the methods of doing so.

One: Supplication and seeking forgiveness: After the prayer and at other times, weepingly supplicate to Allah: “O Allah, forgive my parents. Conceal their sins and grant them what You grant Your righteous servants, male and female. O Allah, when we were dependent upon their help, affection, and nurturing, they sacrificed everything for us. They gave up the comforts of the day and the rest of the night for us. O Sustainer, now they are present before You. In childhood, when we were helpless, we depended upon them. Now they are even more in need of Your mercy and kind regard than they were then. O Sustainer, grant them the shade of Your mercy and give them shelter in Paradise, the abode of Your pleasure.”

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that when the deceased is elevated in rank after death, he asks in amazement, “How did this happen?” He is then told by Allah, “Your children continued supplicating for you and seeking forgiveness for you, and Allah accepted it.” Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) also narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: When a person dies, his opportunity to perform deeds ends. Only three things continue benefiting him after his death: first, ongoing charity; second, extensive beneficial knowledge from which people benefit; and third, a righteous child who seeks forgiveness for him.

Ibn Sirin (may Allah have mercy on him) was a renowned elder among the Tabi‘un. While narrating an account, he said: One night we were in the presence of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him). He raised his hands to supplicate and humbly said, “O Sustainer, forgive Abu Hurayrah. O Sustainer, forgive Abu Hurayrah’s mother. O Sustainer, forgive all those who supplicate for the forgiveness of Abu Hurayrah and his mother.” Ibn Sirin (may Allah have mercy on him) said: We continued supplicating for forgiveness for Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) and his mother so that we might be included in Abu Hurayrah’s supplication.

Two: Fulfilling the promises and bequests of parents: During their lifetime, parents may make promises to many people. They may make commitments concerning various matters, and at the time of death they may leave certain bequests.
After the death of parents, one means of treating them well and righteously remains for their children: fulfilling their promises and bequests. In this way, one must continue striving to please their souls. However, only their lawful bequests should be fulfilled. If their unlawful bequests are also fulfilled, that will not be righteous treatment of them; rather, it will be bad treatment.
If parents had promised someone financial assistance or wished to give something to someone but did not have the opportunity during their lives, or if they had made a vow but departed from this world before fulfilling it, or if they were indebted, or had no opportunity to make a bequest although you know that they certainly would have done so had they had the opportunity, or if they made no bequest at all—if you give charity on their behalf, all of this will constitute righteous treatment of them. In this way, even after their death, you can continue treating them well throughout your life and attain Allah’s pleasure.
Abdullah ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that a man asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), “O Messenger of Allah, my mother has died without leaving a bequest. If I give some charity on her behalf, will it benefit her?” The Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Yes, yes. Why would it not?”

This too was narrated by Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him): As‘ad ibn Ubadah (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), “O Messenger of Allah, my mother had made a vow, but she died before fulfilling it. May I fulfill that vow on her behalf?” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied, “Why not? Fulfill the vow on her behalf.”

Three: Conduct toward the mother’s female friends and the father’s male friends: The third way of treating parents after their death is to treat their mother’s female friends and father’s male friends righteously and well. In social life, they must be respected like honored elders. Respect must be shown for their opinions. They should be included when consulting on various matters, and it is necessary always to treat them well while showing them respect.
Once the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Treating the father’s friends well is the finest form of goodness.”

The Practice of the Noble Companions (may Allah be pleased with them)

Once Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) fell ill, and his illness continued to worsen until there was no longer any hope that he would remain alive. At that time, Yusuf ibn Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) traveled from far away and came to serve him. Seeing him, Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) asked in amazement, “How did you come here?” Yusuf ibn Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) replied, “Honored sir, I have come here solely to serve you, because my respected father and you had a close relationship.
Once Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was traveling. At that time he met a Bedouin from Makkah. The Bedouin recognized Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) well and asked, “Are you the son of Umar?” Ibn Umar replied, “Yes, I am his son.” He then removed his turban and gave it to him, and seated him respectfully upon his own donkey. Ibn Dinar said, “We all watched this in amazement and later said, ‘Honored sir, he is only a Bedouin, or a villager. If you had given him two dirhams, that would have been enough to satisfy him.’ Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) said, ‘Brother, his father was a friend of Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), and the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Honor your fathers’ friends and do not allow this relationship to be severed; otherwise Allah Most High will extinguish your light.”’”

Abu Burdah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: When I came to Madinah, Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) came to me and said, “Abu Burdah, do you know why I have come to you?” Abu Burdah (may Allah be pleased with him) replied, “Honored sir, I do not know.” Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say: Whoever wishes to treat his father, who is in the grave, well should treat his father’s friends well after his father’s death.” Then he said, “Brother, my father Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) and your father had a brotherly and friendly relationship. I wish to fulfill its due, showing respect for that friendship.”—Ibn Hibban

Four: Kind treatment of the relatives of parents: The fourth way of behaving after the death of parents is to treat their relatives well. Maternal relatives include maternal aunts, maternal uncles, grandmothers, and grandfathers; paternal relatives include paternal uncles, paternal aunts, grandfathers, and grandmothers. To remain aloof from these relatives and behave carelessly toward them is in reality equivalent to remaining aloof from one’s parents, and a believing man or woman cannot behave carelessly toward parents. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Never behave carelessly toward your fathers and grandfathers.” Behaving carelessly toward parents is tantamount to ingratitude toward Allah.

The Reward for Supplicating for Parents

عن أنس قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِنَّ الْعَبْدَ لَيَمُوتُ وَالِدَاهُ أَوْ أَحَدُهُمَا وَإِنَّهُ لَهُمَا لَعَاقَ فَلَا يَزَالُ يَدْعُولَهُمَا وَيَسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمَا حَتَّى يكتبَهُ اللهُ بَارًا .
“It is narrated from Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: If a person remains disobedient to his parents throughout his life, and then either both parents or one of them dies, he should continuously pray for his parents and seek forgiveness for them. As a result, Allah, through His mercy, records him among the righteous.”

It is necessary to continue obeying one’s parents throughout life, treating them well, and striving to keep them pleased. But even if, despite every effort, they remain displeased and depart this world in that state, the door of Allah’s mercy remains open and compensation is possible. As a result of continually praying for them and seeking forgiveness for them, it may be hoped that Allah Most High will forgive your mistakes and count you among His excellent servants. No believing servant should despair of Allah’s mercy. Whenever the impulse of repentance arises in a servant’s heart, He advances to accept it and completes every means of strengthening that impulse and allowing it to influence the person’s life. However, it is certainly incorrect to derive from this hadith the mistaken idea that one may disobey one’s parents while they are alive and then attain Allah’s mercy by praying and seeking forgiveness for them after their death. The correct course is to serve them during their lifetime, keep them pleased, and thereby seek Allah’s pleasure.

A Loving Look Toward Parents

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رَض أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ مَا مِنْ وَلَدٍ
بار ينظر إلى والديه نظرة رحمة إلا كتب اللهُ لَهُ بِكُلِّ نَظَرَةٍ حَجَّة مبرورة قَالُوا إِنْ نَظَرَ كُلِّ يَوْمٍ مِائَةَ مَرَّةٍ قَالَ نَعَمُ وَاللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ وَأَطيبُ – مسلم“Hazrat Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Whenever a dutiful child looks once at his parents with a loving gaze, Allah grants him the reward of one accepted Hajj in return. The people asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what if someone looks at them a hundred times in one day with mercy and love?’ He said, ‘Yes, even if he looks a hundred times.’ Allah is greater and purer than you can imagine.”

The meaning is that Allah’s mercy and vastness are so great that He can give even more than this. If a child looks at his parents a hundred times throughout the day with mercy and affection, Allah may grant him the reward of a hundred accepted Hajj pilgrimages. Allah is greater and more exalted than anything people can conceive about Him. People think within the limits of their own ability. Therefore, such a great reward seems impossible to them, and they fall into a mistaken notion. But holding such a notion about Allah is incorrect. He is pure of every mistaken conception. That Merciful Being can give so abundantly that human imagination is incapable of reaching its extent.

Financial Assistance to Parents

يسْأَلُونَكَ مَاذَا يُنفِقُونَ ط قُلْ مَا أَنفَقْتُمْ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَللوالدين .
“People ask you, ‘What should we spend?’ Say, ‘Whatever wealth you spend, its first claimants are your parents.’”—Surah al-Baqarah: 215

Just as the Qur’an and Sunnah emphasize serving, obeying, and treating parents well, they also stress that it is not correct to save wealth instead of spending on one’s parents. Rather, one must spend on them first. If they are in need, they may even take it by force. If someone does not wish to spend money despite not falling short in serving and obeying his parents, that too is not correct. Just as parents have rights over their children, they also have rights over their children’s wealth.

A Father’s Right to His Son’s Wealth

Once, a man came to the beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and complained about his father, saying that his father took his wealth whenever he wished. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) summoned the man’s father. A feeble old man arrived, leaning on a staff. When he began asking the old man everything, he said, “O Messenger of Allah, there was a time when this weak man was even more helpless and I was strong. I was wealthy, while he had nothing. I never prevented him from taking my wealth. Today I am weak, while he is healthy and strong. I have nothing, while he is wealthy. Now he does not give me any of his wealth.” Hearing this, the Mercy to the Worlds (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) wept and said, “You and your wealth belong to your father. You and your wealth belong to your father.”

Concern for a Parent’s Debts

Hazrat Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr (may Allah be pleased with him) was an extremely busy man. Even so, he did not neglect serving his parents or attending to their rights. Just as he cared for them during their lifetime, he also gave full attention to their rights after their death. Hazrat al-Zubayr (may Allah be pleased with him) was a very prosperous man. Usually, when a wealthy person dies, his heirs immediately become concerned about their own shares. But unlike ordinary worldly people, he was not even slightly worried about his own share. In fact, through inheritance he was entitled to millions. His sole concern, however, was whether his father had remained indebted to anyone. Indeed, he first paid his father’s debts from the estate he had left behind. After the debts were paid, the other heirs began pressing for the inheritance to be distributed and making their claims. But Hazrat Abdullah prevented the distribution. He said that for four years he would continue announcing his father’s debts during the Hajj season. If any creditor existed, that creditor could collect what was owed. There might indeed be a creditor. After making such announcements for four years, he would distribute the inheritance.

In this way, he persuaded the others to agree to delaying the distribution of the inheritance for four years, and during the Hajj season he made announcements so that thousands of people would pray for his father and seek forgiveness for him.

The Blessings of Serving Parents

عن أنس بن مَالِكٍ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَنْ سَرَّهُ أَن يُعدَّ لَهُ فِي عُمُرِهِ وَيُزَادُ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ فَلْيَبَرُ وَالدَيْهِ وليصل رحمه – احمد، الترهيب والترغيب“Hazrat Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: If a person wishes his life to be extended and his provision to be increased, let him treat his parents well and maintain ties of kinship.”

This world is a field of action. Here people have the opportunity to earn abundantly in order to make their life in the Hereafter successful. A long life and prosperity granted in return for serving one’s parents are great blessings from Allah. This opportunity has been provided in this world so that people may do more good deeds, increase their rewards, serve their parents, and become deserving of Allah’s mercy.

عَنْ مُعَانِبْنِ أَنَسٍ رَض أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ مَنْ بَرُ وَلِدَيْهِ طُوبَى لَهُ زَادَ اللَّهُ فِي عُمره – ( الترغيب والترهيب ج (۲)
“Hazrat Mu‘adh ibn Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Glad tidings await the person who treats his parents well: Allah will extend his life.”

For a believer, a long life is glad tidings in the sense that he receives further opportunity to work toward making his life in the Hereafter successful and to fulfill more pure aspirations.

A Mother’s Rights Are Greater Than a Father’s

Both parents play a part in raising a child. Both sacrifice their own comfort and ease to bring up their child. The father spends on the child the money earned through the sweat of his body, while the mother raises the child by nourishing it with the blood of her heart. Through their combined love, effort, and affection, the child is raised. For this reason, the Qur’an and Sunnah emphasize treating both well and command that both be served and obeyed.
But it is also extremely clear that the mother bears the greatest hardship in raising the child. She raises the child by giving of her very existence. There is no example of the service and sacrifice through which, with affection and tenderness, she nourishes the child with the blood of her heart and continually sacrifices the comfort of the day and the sleep of the night for the child. Therefore, while emphasizing the importance of treating both parents well, the Holy Qur’an presents a powerful picture of the mother’s hardships and also points to the significance that the mother who sacrifices her life has a greater claim than the father to service, obedience, and good treatment. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) openly explained this significance:

ووصينا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا ، حَمَلَتْهُ أُمَّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا . وحمله وفصله ثلثون شهراً – – الاحقاف : ١٥
“And We have enjoined upon man good treatment of his parents. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and carrying him and weaning him is thirty months.”—Surah al-Ahqaf: 15

Elsewhere, while emphasizing gratitude toward parents, the Noble Qur’an mentions the mother’s unparalleled sacrifice and suffering and particularly stresses that the child should be grateful to his mother.

ووصينا الإنسان بوالديه ، حملته أمه وهنا عَلَى وَهُن وَفَضْلُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ
اشكر لي ولوالديك – – لقمن : ١٤
“And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother carried him, weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years: ‘Give thanks to Me and to your parents.’”—Surah Luqman: 14

This manner of expression in the Holy Qur’an makes it clear that the mother has a greater right to service, affection, obedience, good treatment, and gratitude. This is because she endures extraordinary hardship in giving birth and raising the child. Undoubtedly, the father also has a role in raising the child. But the father’s labor and sacrifice cannot be compared with the mother’s sacrifice.

An Instructive Conversation

Once, a man came into the presence of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and complained, “O Messenger of Allah, my mother is bad-tempered.” The beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “When she carried you in her womb continuously for nine months, was she bad-tempered then?”
The man said, “Honorable one, I am telling the truth—she is bad-tempered.”
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “When she stayed awake night after night for your sake and nursed you, was she bad-tempered then?”
The man said, “I have repaid her for all those actions.”
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked, “Have you really repaid her?”
He said, “I carried my mother on my shoulders and performed Hajj with her.” The beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) gave a decisive reply: “Can you repay the hardship she endured when giving birth to you?”

عن أبي هريرة رض قال جاء رجل إلى رسولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فقال يا رسول الله مَنْ أَحَقُّ النَّاسِ بِحُسْنِ صَحَابَتِي، قَالَ أُمُّكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ ؟
قَالَ أُمُّكَ ! قَالَ : ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ : أُمِّكَ – قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ أَبُوكَ –
“Hazrat Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, who has the greatest right to my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’”

This hadith clearly states that, in terms of receiving good treatment, service, and obedience, the mother’s status is greater than the father’s. The Companion repeatedly asked the same question, and the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) continued giving the same answer: your mother is more deserving of your good treatment. On the fourth occasion, he said that your father is deserving of your good conduct. Hazrat Ibn Battal made a very fine observation: in service and treatment, the mother’s right is three times greater than the father’s. This is because, regarding the child, the mother performs three tasks that are difficult for any father even to imagine. During pregnancy, the mother carries the child in her womb. Then she endures the pain of childbirth and nurses the child with her own milk. The Holy Qur’an also draws attention to these three important services and hardships of hers. After that, in training and upbringing, both parents are equal. Therefore, with the instruction and guidance to treat both well, it is said that one must behave toward both with courtesy, respect, service, obedience, and humility. The majority of scholars, or the Jumhur Ulama, agree that the mother’s right is greater than the father’s. But this does not mean that one should always serve and obey the mother while paying no attention to the father. In matters of courtesy and etiquette, the father has the greater right, and severing relations with one’s father is in no way correct. Good treatment of both has been emphasized. In practical life, however, one must remember that the mother’s vulnerable nature makes her more deserving of ihsan. The demand of this ihsan is to provide the mother with greater comfort. One must never fall short in obeying one’s mother. One must never hurt her affectionate heart. Just as a mother attends to every emotion of her child during childhood, her feelings must never be dishonored at any time.

Being Mindful of a Mother’s Affection

During the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), a Companion divorced his wife over some matter and wanted to take their young child away from her. The mother’s condition became desperate. On one side was the grief of separation from her husband; on the other was the prospect of having her beloved child, who dispelled her worries, taken away as well. With a grief-stricken and distressed heart, she came into the presence of the Mercy to the Worlds (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and expressed her entire sorrowful story in deeply moving words. She said, “O Messenger of Allah, my husband has divorced me. Thus I have been deprived of his guardianship. O Messenger of Allah, he now wants to take this child away from me as well. O Messenger of Allah, O Mercy to the Worlds, this is my beloved child. My womb was his place of comfort; my breast is his waterskin for drinking, and my lap is like his home. He is the source of my comfort. He brings water from the well for me. O Messenger of Allah, how can I bear this grief?” The beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Draw lots.” The father stepped forward and said, “O Messenger of Allah, this is my child. Who could have a greater claim to my child?” The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) addressed the little boy: “This is your father and this is your mother. Son, take the hand of whichever one you wish.” The boy took his mother’s hand. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to the boy’s mother, “Go. No one can take him away from you until you marry again.”

Respecting a Mother’s Instructions

During the reign of Hazrat Uthman (may Allah be pleased with him), the price of dates had risen. One day, people saw Hazrat Usamah ibn Zayd (may Allah be pleased with him) cutting down a date palm and taking out its core. Everyone was astonished and asked, “Honorable one, in this expensive market you are destroying a date palm in this way. Nowadays date palms are extremely valuable.” He replied, “Brothers, what can I tell you? My mother ordered me to obtain the core of a date palm. Can a mother’s command ever be disregarded?”

Showing Courtesy to One’s Mother

Hazrat Muhammad ibn Sirin (may Allah have mercy on him) was a renowned Tabi‘i. He was regarded as an imam of jurisprudence and hadith. His mother was a resident of the Hijaz. He paid great attention to his mother’s courtesy, honor, and wishes. When he bought clothing for her, he chose it with softness and beauty in mind. He dyed his mother’s clothes himself for Eid. He showed such devotion and respect toward his mother that he never spoke loudly in front of her. He spoke to her as though he were sharing a secret.

Serving One’s Mother

Hazrat Uways al-Qarani (may Allah have mercy on him) was a very renowned and saintly person. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) bestowed upon him the title of the finest Tabi‘i. He told Hazrat Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), “The finest of the Tabi‘in is a man from the tribe of Qaran. His name is Uways. He has an elderly mother. Whenever he swears an oath, he fulfills it. If you can ask him to pray for your forgiveness, then you certainly should.”
Hazrat Uways (may Allah have mercy on him) lived during the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), but he could not meet him. What greater desire could a believer have than to illuminate his eyes by beholding the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)? Yet, because he had an elderly mother and wished not to leave her alone, Hazrat Uways (may Allah have mercy on him) could not come into the service of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). He remained occupied in her service day and night. He had a great desire to perform Hajj. But as long as his mother was alive, he could not leave her alone to go for Hajj. He fulfilled this desire only after her death.

Conduct Toward One’s Mother

A man came to Hazrat Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) and said, “Honorable one, I sent a marriage proposal to a woman in one place, but the bride rejected it. When another man sent her a proposal, she accepted it. Considering this humiliating, and driven by emotion, I killed that woman. Honorable one, tell me, is there still any path of repentance for me?” Hazrat Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) asked him, “Tell me, is your mother alive?” He said, “Honorable one, my mother has died.” He said, “Go, repent sincerely and perform deeds through which you can attain nearness to and the pleasure of Allah.”
Hazrat Zayd ibn Aslam came to Hazrat Abdullah and asked, “Why did you ask that man whether his mother was alive?” Hazrat Abdullah replied, “I know of no deed greater for attaining nearness to and the pleasure of Allah than treating one’s mother well.”
A similar incident occurred during the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). A man came into the presence of the beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I have committed a great sin. O Messenger of Allah, is any path of repentance open for me?” The Mercy to the Worlds (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Is your mother alive?” The man said, “Honorable one, my mother is no longer alive.” He then asked, “Is your maternal aunt alive?” The man said, “Yes, she is alive.” He said, “Treat your maternal aunt well.”

From these incidents, one can understand the superiority of the mother and the religious importance of serving her. The Noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said that even if a person commits a grave sin, treating his mother well is a means of escaping its punishment and attaining Allah’s pleasure. It is Allah’s ultimate mercy that, if one’s mother has died, a person can prepare his Hereafter by treating his maternal aunt well.

Conduct Toward a Foster Mother

عن أبي الطفيل رض قال : رأيت النبي صلى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُقْسِمُ لَحْمًا بالجعرانة إِذا أَقْبَلَتْ امْرَأَةٌ حَتَّى بنت إلى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فبسط لها رداءه فجلست عَلَيْهِ فَقُلْتُ من هي ؟ قَالُوا : هِيَ أُمُّهُ الَّتِي أرضعته (ابو داود)
“Hazrat Abu al-Tufayl (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated: I saw the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) distributing meat at Ji‘ranah. In the meantime, a woman came and approached the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) very closely. He spread his cloak for her, and she sat upon it. I asked the people who the woman was. They said, ‘She is the mother of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him); she had nursed him.’”

A woman who breastfeeds a child other than its biological mother is called a foster mother. A woman cannot become the child’s biological mother merely by breastfeeding it. But in certain matters she receives the same status as the biological mother. Regarding marriage and purdah, Islam has granted the foster mother the same status it grants the biological mother. This incident involving the beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also makes it clear that a foster mother must be treated like one’s biological mother. She must be served and shown every kind of respect.

Conduct Toward Non-Muslim Parents

In this world, the conflict between truth and falsehood, and between justice and injustice, continues ceaselessly. It is possible, even if uncommon, that a Muslim’s parents may remain deprived of Islam. What kind of conduct may one have toward them in this situation? This is an important question in social life.
Regarding religion and faith, the Holy Qur’an clearly states that if parents command one to commit shirk or sin, one must not obey them. Allah’s right is greater than that of parents, and parents themselves should fulfill Allah’s right and obey Him. For it is not merely impermissible to obey parents by disobeying their Creator and Master; even thinking in such terms is impermissible.

وَإِنْ جَاهَدَكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ، – لقمن : ١٥
“If they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them.”—Surah Luqman: 15

This applies not only to shirk; in every matter where disobedience to Allah becomes necessary, obedience to them comes to an end. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) clearly stated that no one may be obeyed through disobedience to Allah.

Hazrat Sa‘d’s Unbelieving Mother

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas, may Allah be pleased with him, was a renowned Companion. He had only just been blessed with accepting Islam at the age of nineteen. His mother learned of this and immediately swore an oath: either he would abandon Islam, or she would remain without food until she died. Sa’d, may Allah be pleased with him, had been extremely obedient to his mother. She repeatedly said to him, “Look! Your religion places special emphasis on obedience to parents. I am your mother. By disobeying me, you are yourself acting contrary to your religion. I command you to abandon Islam.” Sa’d himself narrated that he neither ate nor drank anything for three days. He became extremely weak from hunger and thirst. My brother forcibly held his mouth open and fed him. In this situation, Allah Most High revealed this verse: “If your parents compel you to associate partners with Me, then do not obey them.”

Regarding religion and faith, the matter is clear. Their obedience must be categorically refused, and one must not be influenced at all by their harshness or pressure. But in worldly matters, one must serve them and treat them well. Through gentle conduct, one must continue striving to bring them toward faith.

وصاحبهما في الدنيا معروفا ، واتبع سبيل مَنْ آنَابَ إِلَى – لقمن : ١٥“And keep their company in this world with kindness, and follow the way of those who turn to Me.” — Surah Luqman: 15

Islam has given the utmost importance to serving and obeying parents, even if the parents are immersed in the filth of disbelief and associating partners with Allah. Even if they themselves wish to immerse their children in it and compel them to do so, the child must never disregard their status in worldly matters. Whatever the case, they are one’s parents and the means through which one came into the world. Therefore, despite everything, it is obligatory to serve them in every way and treat them well. If necessary, they must also be given financial assistance, and they must not be given any cause for complaint in worldly matters. However, in matters of religion and faith, one must follow those who turn toward Allah, remain upon the path of Islam, and are truly obedient and righteous servants of Allah.

The Messenger’s Instruction Regarding a Polytheist Mother

عَنْ أَسْمَاءَ بِنْتِ أَبِي بَكْرٍ رَض قَالَتْ : قَدِمَتْ عَلَى أُمِّي وَهِيَ مُشْرِكَةً فِي عَهْدِ رسول الله صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَاسْتَفْتَيْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ
وسلم قلت : قدمت على أمي ، وهي راغبةٌ أَفَاصِلُ أُمِّي ؟ قَالَ : نَعَمُ
صلى أمك – بخاری“Asma, the daughter of Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with them both, said: My mother came to me while she was a polytheist, during the time of the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him. I asked the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, saying: My mother has come to me, and she is averse to Islam. May I maintain ties with my mother? He said: Yes, maintain ties with your mother.” — Bukhari

This hadith clearly shows that ties of kinship must be maintained with polytheist parents just as they are maintained with Muslim parents. In worldly matters, attention must certainly be given to their honor, dignity, and service, and every effort must be made to provide them comfort. However, as a believer, one must bear in mind that the greatest goodwill and finest conduct toward parents is to continue striving to bring them toward Islam through one’s character, behavior, conversation, and service, and to pray to Allah wholeheartedly and tearfully for their guidance. Abu Hurayrah’s mother, may Allah be pleased with him, was also initially deprived of Islam. Yet he did not fall short in honoring or serving her. He always treated her well and continued inviting her to Islam. He constantly prayed to Allah that she might receive guidance. This incident clearly explains how one should live with parents who, God forbid, are non-Muslim, how one may honor them, how one should treat them well, and how one may fulfill one’s good wishes for them.

The Result of Treating a Mother Who Rejects Islam Well

For a long time after Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, became Muslim, his mother remained immersed in polytheism. He continually invited her to consider the consequences of polytheism and to accept Islam. But since her heart had not yet opened to guidance, she continued to reject it. Even so, Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, did not fall short in honoring, serving, or obeying her. One day, while he was presenting the invitation to religion, his mother behaved offensively regarding the Messenger, blessings and peace be upon him. Abu Hurayrah’s heart became heavy with grief, and he went weeping to the beloved Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I always explain matters of religion to my mother, but she has always rejected them. But today it has gone too far. Today, when I was presenting the invitation to the religion of tawhid before her, she became angry, behaved disrespectfully toward you, and insulted you. O Messenger of Allah, I could not bear it. My heart became filled with grief, and tears flowed from my eyes. O Messenger of Allah, pray that Allah open my mother’s heart to Islam.” The Mercy to the Worlds, blessings and peace be upon him, immediately raised his hands in supplication and said, “O Allah, guide Abu Hurayrah’s mother.”

When I saw the Messenger, blessings and peace be upon him, supplicating, all my worries began to disappear, and I returned from there happily. When I reached home, I found the door closed and heard the sound of water flowing. Hearing my footsteps, my respected mother called from inside, “My son, wait outside for a while.” I waited outside for some time. From the sound of the water, I understood that my mother was bathing. My heart was then overwhelmed with joy. My mother quickly finished bathing, put on her clothes, and opened the door. She had hurried so much that she had even forgotten to use her scarf. As soon as she opened the door, she said, “My son, Abu Hurayrah, Allah has heard your prayer. Bear witness: I am reciting the Kalimah: ‘I bear witness that there is no deity except Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.’” I was so happy that tears of joy flowed from my eyes. With tears of joy in my eyes, I immediately went to the Messenger, blessings and peace be upon him, and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I have come to give you good news. Allah has accepted the supplication of His beloved Messenger, blessings and peace be upon him, and my mother has received the treasure of faith.” He was also very happy to hear this. He praised Allah and gave me some advice.

After that, I presented another matter to the beloved Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him. I said, “O Messenger of Allah, pray that Allah make me and my mother beloved to all believers, and make all believers beloved to both me and my mother.” The Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, also made that supplication: “O Lord, place love for Abu Hurayrah and his mother in the hearts of all believers, and create love for all Muslims in the hearts of both of them.” After this accepted supplication of the Messenger, blessings and peace be upon him, every Muslim who saw me or heard of me loved me.

Disobedience to Parents

After associating partners with Allah, the greatest sin is disobedience to parents. It is such a heinous crime that merely thinking about it makes one shudder. Gratitude and expressing ihsan are fundamental qualities through which a person becomes truly human. Whoever deprives himself of these basic qualities is devoid of humanity. Such a person cannot be beloved to Allah. They can neither fulfill Allah’s rights nor fulfill the rights of people. After Allah, the greatest ihsan is that of parents. Through them Allah grants life, and under the shade of their affection and love He arranges one’s upbringing. They forget their own existence while raising their children and sacrifice their own comfort for the comfort and happiness of their children. Without doubt, the finest claim of nobility, benevolence, and gratitude is to express heartfelt gratitude to them, acknowledge their benevolence, remain grateful to them throughout life, and devote oneself to treating them well. If someone is grateful to Allah, feels Allah’s benevolence, and wishes to obey Allah, he can never be disobedient to his parents. Far from disobeying them, he cannot even be careless toward them.

Heinous Sins

عنْ أَبِي بُكْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وسلم : أَلا أُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِأَكْبَرِ الْكَبَائِرِ ثَلَاثًا قُلْنَا بَلَى يَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ : قَالَ : الإشراك بِاللهِ وَعُقُوقَ الْوَالِدَيْنِ، وَكَانَ مُتَّكِنَّا فَجَلَسَ فَقَالَ : أَلَا وَقَوْلُ الزورِ ، وَشَهَادَةُ الرُّورِ ، فَمَا زَالَ يُكَبِّرُهَا حَتَّى قُلْنَا لَيْتَهُ سَكَتَ (بخاری
مسلم، ترمذی“Abu Bakrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, said: Shall I not inform you of the greatest of the major sins?” He repeated it three times. We said, “Certainly, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Associating partners with Allah and disobedience to parents.” He had been reclining, but then sat upright and said, “Indeed, beware of false speech and false testimony.” He continued repeating this until we wished he would stop.

The hadith uses the word ‘uquq’ in reference to disobedience to parents. It is a word with an extremely broad meaning. In the Noble Qur’an, whatever Allah has emphasized while enjoining ihsan toward parents, opposing those matters is called uquq. Indifference toward parents, harsh treatment of them, disregarding their instructions, causing them grief, and disobeying them—all these are included in the meaning of uquq.

Second, the manner in which the beloved Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, conveyed this teaching is also worth considering. Such a manner is natural and effective for expressing the seriousness of a matter and making it touch the heart. When there is a feeling of obedience, it arouses such hatred of this heinous sin in the listener’s heart that merely thinking about it causes revulsion and imagining it makes the body tremble. In this hadith, the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, first questioned the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them. The purpose was not for the Companions to answer the question. Rather, he meant that he had come to show the path of salvation, and therefore he certainly had to tell them this. He said, “Shall I not warn you about three heinous sins?” He did not ask once and immediately state the main point. Rather, he drew the Companions’ attention three times and said, “Shall I not warn you about three great sins?” This method of expression points to the fact that the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, regarded these sins as destructive for people and wanted the listener to grasp their significance with the ear of the heart. After warning them three times, when the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, became eager to hear, he said, “Associating anyone with Allah and disobeying parents.” Then concern over these heinous sins also disturbed the Messenger, blessings and peace be upon him. He had been reclining. Overcome by emotion and anxiety, he sat upright and exclaimed, “People, listen carefully with your ears: speaking falsehood and giving false testimony.” He then became even more anxious and continued repeating these words again and again. Seeing his condition, the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, became worried and began hoping, “Would that the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, would stop.”

The third important point is that the beloved Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, warned the Ummah about three great sins. Among these sins, disobedience to parents is mentioned after associating partners with Allah. The Noble Qur’an also presents them in this order: “Say, ‘Come, I will recite what your Lord has forbidden you: that you associate nothing with Him, and that you treat parents well.’” Associating partners with Allah is rejection of Allah’s rights, while negligence concerning the rights of parents is disobedience. Consider that the greatest right belongs to Allah, the Creator. Rejecting Allah’s oneness and associating anyone with Him is the greatest sin. It is such a heinous sin that it is not forgiven. The Noble Qur’an says, “Indeed, Allah does not forgive the sin of associating partners with Him.” After Allah, the greatest right belongs to parents, and after ingratitude and disobedience toward Allah, the greatest sin is ingratitude and disobedience toward parents. This is because Allah mentions their rights after His own rights and commands gratitude to parents together with gratitude to Him. In other words, you are to be grateful to Me and to your parents. Perhaps some narrations do not mention this order, and therefore it was not reported in that manner. But throughout the Noble Qur’an and in the hadith, it is mentioned in this order.

The Messenger’s Letter to the People of Yemen

The Messenger of Allah, Muhammad, blessings and peace be upon him, sent a memorable letter to the people of Yemen through Amr ibn Hazm, may Allah be pleased with him. In it he warned them, saying: “Know that the greatest sins before Allah on the Day of Resurrection are: (1) associating partners with Allah; (2) killing a believer unjustly; (3) fleeing from jihad in the path of Allah; (4) disobeying parents; (5) falsely accusing chaste and honorable women; (6) learning magic; (7) consuming usury; and (8) consuming the property of an orphan.”

The Messenger’s Advice

Mu’adh ibn Jabal, may Allah be pleased with him, was a Companion of eminent rank. Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, used to say, “If Mu’adh had not been present, I would certainly have perished.” The Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, gave him much advice. On one occasion he said, “The Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, advised me: Never associate anyone with Allah, even if you are killed and burned with fire; and never disobey your parents, even if they command you to leave your property and family.”

Making Parents Weep

Abdullah ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was a Companion of very high standing. He was a formidable scholar, worshipper, and ascetic, and was extremely devoted to the Sunnah in every matter. He issued religious verdicts for sixty years. He said, “Making parents weep means disobeying them, and this is a very serious sin.”

Insulting Parents

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرِ بنِ الْعَاصِ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ : مِنَ
الكَبَائِرِ شَتُمُ الرَّجُلِ وَالدَيْهِ قَالُوا : يَا رَسُولَ
الله ! وَهَلْ يَسْتمُ الرَّجُلُ وَالدَيْهِ ؟ قَالَ نَعَمْ يَسُبُّ أَبَا الرَّجُلِ فَيَسُبُّ أَبَاهُ يسب أمه فيسب أمه – بخاری، مسلم، ترمذی وغيره“Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-As, may Allah be pleased with them both, narrated that the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, said: ‘Among the major sins is a man’s insulting his parents.’ They asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, does a man actually insult his parents?’ He said, ‘Yes. A man insults another man’s father, so the latter insults his father; and he insults another man’s mother, so the latter insults his mother.’” — Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, and others

This hadith teaches that one must necessarily safeguard the honor and dignity of one’s parents. One must ensure that they suffer no kind of harm. Not only that, one must not make remarks about another person’s parents that might provoke him to retaliate by attacking your parents.

Cursing

“Abu al-Tufayl said: Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, was asked, ‘Did the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, tell you anything that he did not tell anyone else?’ He replied, ‘The Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, did not tell me anything that he did not tell others. However, I have a written statement in the sheath of my sword.’ He then took it from the sheath of his sword. It said: ‘Allah’s curse is upon whoever sacrifices in the name of anyone other than Allah; Allah’s curse is upon whoever alters the boundary markers of land; Allah’s curse is upon whoever curses his parents; and Allah’s curse is upon whoever introduces anything new into the religion.’” Cursing and insulting parents are among the most heinous acts imaginable, yet various incidents occur in the arena of worldly life. Because of anger, desire for revenge, ignorance, and foolishness, people sometimes do things that would be difficult even to imagine under normal circumstances. Parents are human beings too. They are not free from human weakness. Hatred, love, anger, desire for revenge, and other weaknesses also exist in them. Because of human weakness, they may sometimes say something or behave in a way that is unexpected from them. One must not become agitated by this or close one’s eyes to their rights. Parents are two people who spend their entire lives raising their children and providing them comfort. Whatever their conduct may be, it is not proper to say anything offensive about them. Nor should one insult them or forget all their benevolence.

Undoubtedly, parents may sometimes push their children toward disobedience and rebellion by falling short in fulfilling their children’s rights or through their own undesirable conduct. This especially occurs when a father marries a second time and the children have to live with a stepmother. Various painful incidents arise. A stepmother generally tries in different ways to provoke the father against his children, and her heartfelt desire may become that the father turn against them. Usually, the father, partly to please his new wife and partly because of her repeated demands, begins treating his own children like stepchildren. Similarly, if a mother remarries and the children fall under the care of a stepfather, the stepfather generally cannot tolerate treating the children from the previous marriage well. Even if he does not go that far, at least he wants to love his own children more than the earlier children. The mother too may sometimes mistreat them, partly to please her husband and partly as a victim of his wishes. Yet such conduct is certainly not expected from a mother. From the perspective of justice, in such circumstances the parents are at least to some degree blameworthy. In this situation, the family and society have a responsibility. Their duty is to restrain such parents, remind them of their responsibilities and duties, and, through social pressure, compel them to treat the children as children. Nevertheless, because of the relationship, the children must remain patient under all circumstances. They must carefully safeguard their parents’ honor and modesty and must not utter anything contrary to their mother’s honor. In every circumstance, a child’s duty is to demonstrate as much gratitude, obedience, and good conduct as possible. A certain poet said beautifully: “Whatever command your father gives, obey it; know for certain that one who obeys his father is never disgraced.”

The Punishment for Disobedience Is Received in This World

عن أَبِي بَكْرَةَ رَض عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ : كُلُّ الذُّنُوبِ يُؤَخِّرُ اللَّهُ مِنْهَا مَا شَاءَ إِلَى يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ إِلَّا عُقُوقُ الْوَالِدَيْنِ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ يعجلة بصاحبه في الحيوة قَبْلَ الْمَمَاتِ – رواه الحاكم“Abu Bakrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated from the Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, that he said: Allah may defer the punishment of whatever sins He wills until the Day of Resurrection, except disobedience to parents; indeed, Allah hastens its punishment for the perpetrator in this life before death.” — Narrated by al-Hakim

The meaning is that Allah Most High postpones the punishment of other sins until the Day of Resurrection, so the person remains protected from their punishment in this world. But disobedience to parents is such a sin that its punishment must be suffered in this world, while the punishment of the Hereafter also remains.

The Good Deeds of the Disobedient Bear No Fruit

It is narrated from Thawban, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, said: “There are three sins alongside which no good deed is of benefit: first, associating partners with Allah; second, disobedience to parents; and third, fleeing from jihad.” Another Companion, Amr ibn Murrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said that a man came to the beloved Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, and began saying, “I bear witness that Allah is One, that there is no deity except Him, and that you are the Messenger of Allah. I perform the five daily prayers, pay zakat on my wealth, and fast Ramadan.” Hearing this, the Noble Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, said, “Whoever completes these statements will be with the prophets, the truthful, and the martyrs on the Day of Resurrection” (and he raised two fingers of his hand), “provided that he is not disobedient to his parents.”

Disobedience to One’s Mother

وَعَنْ أَبِي عِيسَى الْمُغِيرَةِ بْنِ شُعْبَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ : إِنَّ اللهَ تَعَالَى حَرَّمَ عَلَيْكُمْ عُقُوقَ الْأُمَّهَاتِ، وَمَنْعًا وَهُتِ، وَدَاد البنات وكره لكم قيل وقال، وكثرة السؤال، وإضاعَةَ الْمَال – متفق عليه“Abu Isa al-Mughirah ibn Shu’bah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, said: ‘Remember, Allah has forbidden you disobedience to mothers, withholding, greed, and burying infant daughters alive; and He has disliked for you idle talk, excessive questioning, and wasting wealth.’” — Bukhari and Muslim

This hadith has been used in a very broad sense. Through a few brief words, the Noble Prophet, blessings and peace be upon him, pointed toward a vast area of guidance. Every believing man and woman must remember such comprehensive guidance and keep it constantly in mind for their own training and purification. In these few words, the Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, gave six particular teachings. Allah has forbidden three things for us, and He dislikes becoming involved in three other things. No believer can even consider engaging in the three things Allah has clearly forbidden. As for the other three matters, which Allah dislikes, they too should not be taken lightly. The three things Allah has forbidden are: disobedience to mothers, stinginess and greed, and burying daughters alive.

One: By especially emphasizing the need to keep away from disobedience to the mother, this hadith indicates that a person is more occupied with serving his mother than his father, and arrangements are made to treat the mother better than the father. Likewise, greater attention and sensitivity are necessary to ensure that the mother is not disobeyed. A mother’s emotions are delicate. She is extremely vulnerable. Her heart may be hurt by the slightest word. It may happen that, through carelessness, something is taken lightly, yet it wounds the mother’s feelings and hurts her heart. The guidance of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, means keeping fully in mind the mother’s emotions and feelings, habits and temperament, and likes and dislikes; ensuring that the thought of causing her grief, disobeying her, or breaking her heart into pieces does not even arise. The mother is that person whose service is rewarded with the eternal springtime gardens of Paradise, and whose pleasure is rewarded with the abode of Allah’s pleasure. If one desires Paradise, the abode of Allah’s pleasure, one must devote oneself completely to serving and obeying one’s mother.

Two: Two words are used in the hadith: one is ‘manyān’ and the second is ‘hāti.’ The word ‘manyān’ means one who hesitates to give the property and rights of others that have become obligatory upon him. He obstructs their fulfillment in various ways and is not prepared to provide anyone with financial or moral assistance. The word ‘hāti’ means ‘take.’ That is, always being ready to take from others—not merely demanding one’s own rights from them, but persistently filling one’s bundle without regard for what is right or wrong. Such notions of stinginess and greed can never accord with the temperament of a believing man or woman. Their standards for giving and receiving are the same. The rights they demand from others and the treatment they desire from them are the treatment they give others, and they fulfill all their rights with great generosity. Indeed, they display such liberality and breadth of heart in this regard that even if someone falls short in fulfilling their rights or mistreats them, they still treat that person with benevolence and kindness.

Three: Burying daughters alive. In pre-Islamic Arabia, there was a cruel custom of burying daughters alive. There were two other methods of killing children. Many polytheists, frightened of idols and seeking to please them, would kill their own children. Many ignorant and foolish people, driven by imaginary notions of poverty and deprivation, would kill their beloved children. But daughters are mentioned specifically in the hadith because this custom was exceptionally brutal. Merely thinking of such oppression and cruelty makes one’s hair stand on end. With the coming of Islam, this oppressive mindset changed. Daughters were delivered from this disgrace and oppression, and homes began to treat them with affection and love.

Today, although our society has been purified, through Islam, of the curse of burying daughters alive, many homes still do not show girls the love shown to boys because of a lack of religious commitment and ignorance of Islamic teachings. When a daughter is born, the joy shown is not equal to that shown when a son is born. Many ignorant people deprive daughters of the affection and love they show their sons. Especially after a daughter marries, she is treated as though she has become an outsider. Those oppressors are not even prepared to give her the share Islam has prescribed for her. This rotten notion has no connection with Islam.

Then the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, described the three things that Allah does not approve of for us. One: pointless talk. Two: asking excessive questions. Three: wasting wealth. Pointless talk means feeling no responsibility regarding one’s tongue: saying whatever one wishes, repeating to others whatever one hears, and speaking incessantly without examining one’s words or considering whether they accord with reality. ‘So-and-so woman said this,’ ‘such-and-such lady thinks this,’ ‘another woman held this opinion’—and other such pointless talk. There is a famous saying: “The more one speaks, the more mistakes one makes.” The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Hereafter should speak good words or remain silent.” —Muslim

Asking superfluous questions. There are people who, whenever they gather in a place, torment one another with question after question. In particular, there are women who, whenever they meet, ask countless questions about the family. “Sister, what was the matter with your sister-in-law? What caused the quarrel between you and your mother-in-law? What happened with your husband’s younger brother? Your husband loves the children, doesn’t he? Do you send anything to the neighbors’ house? Where did the marriage proposal for your daughter come from?” They become extremely eager to know everything: family matters, outside events, and business—in short, everything. Nothing must be kept hidden from them. In answer to their unwelcome questions, one may have to give an inaccurate account; often, one must evade the conversation and incur their displeasure. There are many things that cannot be told to others, especially family matters. Yet these particular women persist in trying to extract information by any means. If one says nothing, they remark, “She certainly has a great deal of pride.” If one says something, they immediately repeat it to others. They go from place to place expressing their opinions and become desperate to describe other people’s circumstances. The truth is that, through heedlessness of life’s value and ignorance, such women commit social offenses that unnecessarily destroy society’s peace, family unity, and domestic harmony. Carrying pointless talk from one place to another creates various misunderstandings and complications in society.

Similarly, some people create unnecessary complications in religious matters. Their occupation is asking new and novel questions. In this way they display the fertility of their minds. Usually they lag behind in practice, but to display their knowledge and ability they present themselves as know-it-alls and are great experts at asking extremely subtle questions and extracting thirteen points from a single statement. The duty of believing men and women is to value their lives, spend them in good works, think at every moment about what pleases Allah, and try to refrain from pointless questions. The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “A person’s Islam being excellent means that he leaves what does not concern him.” —Tirmidhi

Wasting wealth means failing to take proper measures to preserve it; not spending it for the needs of the religion; and spending it, for the sake of display and fame, on pointless customs, shameless activities, and irreligious deeds. Wealth is a trust from Allah, and it should be spent according to Allah’s will. Household decorations and utensils, bedding, furniture, watches, pens, books, paper—in short, every object—is a blessing from Allah and, at the same time, a trust. Everything must be used and preserved properly. It must not be wasted carelessly. Allah does not approve of wasting His blessings and trusts without appreciating them.

A Mother’s Curse

A mother’s pleasure and the prayer from her compassionate heart are the greatest fortunes in religion and worldly life. Conversely, the most terrible disgrace in religion and worldly life is a mother’s curse, uttered by her grief-stricken heart against her child. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “There are three kinds of supplication that are certainly accepted: one, the supplication of the oppressed; two, the supplication of the traveler; and three, the supplication of parents for their child.”

In the early period there was a pious man named Jurayj. Hazrat Jurayj, may Allah’s mercy be upon him, was a righteous and devoted worshipper. He always spent his time worshipping in his lodge far from the city. A shepherd grazed goats all day and spent the night in his lodge.

One day Hazrat Jurayj’s mother, may Allah’s mercy be upon him, came to visit him. Hazrat Jurayj was praying. His mother called him, “Jurayj!” He considered it better to remain silent and continue praying. The same thing happened on the second day. His mother came and called him, but, thinking in the same way, he remained silent in prayer and did not answer her call. On the third day, his mother again came to her son and called him. Thinking that one cannot answer while praying, he remained silent. Seeing this, his mother became very distressed and, in anger, cursed him. She pleaded with Allah, saying, “O Allah, do not let Jurayj die until he has fallen into the hands of immoral women.”

Having said this, his mother left in despair. A few days later, the people of the Children of Israel were discussing Hazrat Jurayj’s righteous deeds and worship. At that moment, an exceptionally beautiful woman from the area said, “If you wish, I can tempt him into sin.” She then went to Hazrat Jurayj’s lodge and began inviting him to wrongdoing. Allah Most High bestowed His mercy upon Hazrat Jurayj, and he escaped completely from the sinful woman’s plot. Having lost hope in him, the woman went to the shepherd staying at Hazrat Jurayj’s lodge. The shepherd fell victim to the plot and committed the sin. When the woman gave birth to a child, she spread the claim that it was Jurayj’s son. When this news reached the king, he ordered the lodge to be demolished and Jurayj to be brought before him.

The people came to Hazrat Jurayj’s lodge, demolished it, severely beat him, tied his arms behind his back, and brought him before the king. As he was being taken away bound in this manner, some immoral women saw him on the road and began laughing. Seeing them laugh, Hazrat Jurayj also smiled. The king asked Hazrat Jurayj, “What does this woman say?” He replied, “Tell me what she says.” The king said, “She says the child is Jurayj’s.” Jurayj, may Allah’s mercy be upon him, said, “Bring the child.” When the child was brought, he said, “Let me pray.” He prayed, and when he had finished, he poked the child’s stomach with his finger and said, “Tell me, who is your father?” By Allah’s command, the child’s tongue was released, and he said, “That shepherd is my father.” The people then began kissing Hazrat Jurayj’s hands and feet and asking his forgiveness. The king was also deeply moved and said to Hazrat Jurayj, “Shall I build your lodge out of gold?” He replied, “No. Build it as it was, from clay.”

The king said, “Please, tell me one thing. When some immoral women were laughing mockingly at you on the road, why did you smile?” He replied, “This is a secret known only to me. Everything that happened was the result of my mother’s curse. Her curse affected me.” He then related the entire story of his mother’s curse in detail.

The Instructive Punishment for Disobeying One’s Mother

A terrifying incident occurred during the time of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him. Hearing of it makes one’s heart leap into one’s mouth. Some Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, were present in the service of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him. At that time, a man came and said, “O Messenger of Allah! A young man is dying. People are instructing him to recite the testimony of faith, but he cannot open his mouth.” The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked, “Did this man pray?” He replied, “Yes, he prayed.” Hearing this, the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, stood and went with him. We followed behind. The Beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, reached the young man, who was in the throes of death. He instructed him to recite the testimony of faith. The young man said, “O Messenger of Allah, I cannot say it.” He asked, “Why? What has happened?” It became known that the young man had been disobedient to his mother. He asked the people whether his mother was alive. Everyone replied, “Yes, she is alive.” The Beloved Prophet instructed them to bring his mother. When his elderly mother arrived, he said to her, “Respected lady, is this your son?” She replied, “Yes, he is my son.” He said, “Respected lady, tell me: if a terrifying fire were kindled and you were told that he would be saved if you interceded for him, otherwise he would be cast into it, would you intercede for him?” The elderly woman replied, “Yes, at such a time I would certainly intercede.” Hearing this, the Prophet of Mercy, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Then take Allah and me as witnesses and say that you are pleased with him.” The elderly woman said, “O Allah! I take You and Your Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, as witnesses that I am pleased with this piece of my heart.”

Then the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, turned toward the young man and said, “Say: ‘There is no deity but Allah alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.’” Through the blessing of his mother’s pleasure, the young man’s mouth opened and he immediately recited the testimony of faith. Seeing this, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, praised Allah and said, “Praise be to Allah, who, through me, has saved this young man from the terrible punishment of Hell.” —Tabarani, Ahmad

At a Glance: The Results of Kindness toward Parents

One: Among Allah’s blessings, the greatest blessing is parents. After Allah, parents make the greatest contribution to a person’s birth and upbringing. When you acknowledge their benevolence, you acknowledge Allah’s benevolence. When you are grateful to them, you are grateful to Allah.

Two: Keep your parents pleased, and Allah will be pleased with you. If they become displeased because of your negligence or disobedience, Allah will be displeased with you. Allah’s pleasure lies in the pleasure of parents, and Allah’s displeasure lies in their displeasure.

Three: Kindness toward parents and serving them are equal to jihad; at times they are even greater deeds. If you remain engaged in serving them, you too will be counted, like the mujahideen, among those who establish the religion. In Allah’s sight, you will have a rank equal to that of those who participate in jihad on the battlefield.

Four: The pleasure of parents is the key to Paradise. If you continue striving to please your parents, you will attain Allah’s pleasure.

Five: Whoever Allah Most High grants the opportunity to serve his parents has in fact been given the opportunity to walk the path to Paradise. Allah will grant Paradise to whoever makes use of this opportunity. Whoever does not accept this opportunity will be destroyed.

Six: Circumambulating the House of Allah and performing Hajj and Umrah are important acts of worship. If someone continues serving his parents, Allah will grant him a reward equal to that of one who performs Hajj and Umrah.

Seven: If you show propriety and respect to your parents, your children will also respect you. If you treat your parents well, Allah Most High will teach your children to do the same.

Eight: Through serving parents, all troubles and anxieties are removed.

Nine: Never remain distant from obeying, showing propriety toward, and honoring your parents. Through this, life will be blessed and the means of livelihood will expand.

The Rights of Children

Children’s status
Upbringing
Kind treatment
Giving a good name
Affection and love
Education and training
Marriage

The Desire to Have Children

Who does not long for a child? There is no home where children are not desired. The reality is that a child’s presence brings blessing to the home, and children enhance its beauty. A home without the cheerful sounds of innocent children is devoid of charm and beauty. In particular, women consider a home without a child’s lively sounds frightening. Women spend every moment of their lives hoping for a child. In the world of imagination, they wait for the auspicious arrival of a baby who will brighten their lap. They become eager for the child to call, “Mother, mother.” They busy themselves observing the joys and happiness of the child’s various stages of life. They count the days for this happiness and, through their spiritual joy, feel an inner well-being. At times, in the realm of imagination, they think of their beloved child’s beautiful or extraordinarily successful future and joyful springtime, and discover within themselves the existence of a dignified personality. Then, overcome by gratitude, they bow their heads before Allah. They think about how great a favor Allah has bestowed upon such a weak being as themselves, and how their existence has been considered so precious and necessary for human society.

Allah has created women’s nature in such a way that they regard their entire lives as being for their children, and feel immense peace and happiness in sacrificing their lives for them. For a long period, keeping the piece of their heart as a partner of their body and mind, they count the days one by one. When Allah Most High, through His grace, fills their lap with a child, they look tenderly at the newborn. At that time, they wipe from their thoughts all the images of the suffering they endured until giving birth. Then begins the second stage: the stage of making sacrifices for raising the child. The reality is that Allah Most High has entrusted them with the great responsibility of serving the child. For this reason, Allah Most High has generously granted women extraordinary emotions, unparalleled courage and patience in enduring hardship, and lofty moral qualities for raising children. Women do not endure all these hardships merely because circumstances compel them; rather, according to their natural disposition, they feel joy and pride in enduring them. They possess unparalleled courage to repeatedly advance toward death in giving birth to children. In sacrificing their own desires, pleasures, beauty, and youth for the upbringing and care of their children, they experience profound peace and joy.

The Distinctiveness of Muslim Women

If women’s outlook is Islamic, they consider themselves engaged in jihad in Allah’s path at every stage of enduring hardship. Above all, they think that they are occupied in worship. Islam instills in every woman the conviction that these physical and natural duties of women, their reward, and their benefits are not limited to this world, and that every act of their suffering, sacrifice, and self-denial is, in Allah’s sight, equivalent to worship and jihad. Every woman who endures these hardships and sacrifices for her children is in reality active in jihad and engaged in worshipping Allah. This jihad and worship also have worldly benefits. But Muslim women’s gaze remains fixed on the everlasting blessings that will be attained in the Hereafter. The distinctiveness of a Muslim woman is that, by enduring various hardships for her children and sacrificing her own desires, emotions, beauty, and youth, she does not merely gain worldly benefit in return (this worldly gain may come, or may not come); rather, in the everlasting life of the Hereafter she will attain Allah’s pleasure and Paradise. And what a Paradise it will be—one in which every desire will be fulfilled, every means of satisfying her feelings will be provided, and she will be granted beauty and youth that will never perish. That beauty and youth will remain free from the fear of old age.

One excellent aspect of Islamic thought is that even if a Muslim woman, after fulfilling her responsibilities properly, is unfortunately deprived of worldly good, she does not lose hope or hesitate in fulfilling her duties. With great cheerfulness, peace, and sincere feeling, she continues to fulfill them. Even after enduring every kind of hardship and making sacrifices for her children, if she receives no happiness from them, and if they shatter her hopes, aspirations, and dreams, she does not become a victim of despair or feel ashamed of her work. Nor does she form erroneous thoughts about the future in this matter, because she knows that a believing woman’s true and real success is success in the Hereafter. Thinking of this, she is always comforted by the knowledge that Allah will reward her deeds in the Hereafter. That reward will be so great that there will be no question of regret, nor any fear that the reward there will be taken away. Therefore, throughout her life she remains active, considering all these deeds worship and jihad in Allah’s path. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

المرأةُ إِذَا حَمِلَتْ كَانَ لَهَا أَجْرُ الصَّائِمِ الْقَائِمِ الْمُخْبِتِ الْمُجَاهِدِ فِي سبيل الله وَإِذا ضربها الطلق فَلا تَدرِى الْخَلَائِقُ مَا لَهَا مِنَ الْأَجْرِ وَإِذَا وضعت كَانَ لَها بِكُلِّ مَضَةٍ أو رضعة أجرُ نَفْسٍ تُحْيِيهَا وَإِذَا أَفْطَمَت ضَرَبَ الْمَلِكِ عَلَى مَنْكَبِهَا وَقَالَ اسْتَائِفِي الْحَمَلَ – كنز العمال“When a woman becomes pregnant, she receives reward throughout the entire period of pregnancy like the reward received by a fasting person, one who stands in prayer at night, one who is obedient, and a servant striving in Allah’s path. And for the pain of childbirth, creation cannot estimate the reward she receives; it cannot even imagine what that reward is or how great it is. When the child is born after the woman’s cries, and she nurses and raises the child with her own milk, she receives with every suck the reward given for giving life to a person. When the child is weaned after being breastfed for the prescribed period, Allah’s angel places his hand on her shoulder, out of honor and love, and says to her: ‘O servant of Allah, prepare yourself to conceive a second time.’”

A Mother’s Hopes and Aspirations

A woman who repeatedly places her life in danger, exhausts her body and vital strength, gives birth to children, and raises them naturally hopes for something from those children. She sincerely wishes that her children’s future will be splendid, that they will be fortunate and devoted to serving others, that they will build an excellent future according to their mother’s thought and ideals, preserve their parents’ religion and civilization, and be exceptionally obedient. When she sees her children turning her dreams and aspirations into reality, being raised according to her wishes, and being elevated by Allah to the highest levels of excellence, her joy and pride know no bounds.

Common Complaints about Children

But what becomes of a mother when the very children for whose service she, weak and worn, remains busy day and night, expending her bodily strength and constantly raising her hands in prayer, destroy her dreams, aspirations, and hopes and become disobedient and rebellious? Her mental anguish and heartache cannot be expressed in words.

In the present age, except for a few fortunate families, the same crying and lamentation are heard in every family. Everyone says the same thing: the condition of the children is indescribable. Whether sons or daughters, they are heedless of their parents’ rights. Showing respect and honor to their parents and expressing obedience are completely alien to them. It seems that conduct toward parents, pleasing them, serving them, showing respect, and caring for their emotions and feelings are all meaningless notions. A common complaint is that children are becoming ungrateful and rebellious. Wherever you sit, and whichever home you visit, you will hear the same thing and see parents lamenting the same matter. Then some elderly women draw attention to themselves and say, “My girl, in our time, could children speak in a raised voice before their parents?” After that begins a long account of the bad environment, the corrupt age, the spread of erroneous and harmful ideas, obscene literature, education devoid of morality, and so on. Each woman feels a kind of relief and thinks, “What else could happen in such circumstances? What more could parents do?” This situation is extremely sad.

A Matter of Concern for Parents

Undoubtedly, parents are not capable of everything. But they are capable of reflecting on their own role. In the light of Allah’s religion, they must review their actions and see whether there is any deficiency in fulfilling the responsibility Allah has placed upon the mother regarding the education, training, and upbringing of the children. Is there any complication in your hopes and aspirations concerning your children’s future life? Are you falling short in granting them the rights Allah has given them? Children can fulfill your hopes and aspirations only when you too are not heedless of their rights. The hopes you have of seeing your child adorned with moral character, blessed, service-minded, obedient, and well-mannered can be fulfilled if you recognize those responsibilities and fulfill them with your body, mind, and wealth. A child’s disobedience and rebellion are certainly grievous matters. But it is also worth considering whether their condition is the result of the parents’ negligence and lack of awareness of their responsibilities. How can that child think about your rights when you have not even given him a sense of those rights? How can that child think about serving and honoring his parents when he has never been told that serving and honoring parents is obligatory upon a child? If you do not care about their emotions and feelings, from whom will they learn to care about yours? If you do not love them, and through your conduct have made them understand that you prefer their death to the hardship of raising them, how will they think of loving you and serving you? If you understand all the comforts and luxuries you need but forget their needs, how will they develop a sense of your needs? If you are the bearer and representative of a particular ideal in reforming society and building civilization and culture, how can you ask them to become bearers of that ideal without establishing its dignity in their hearts? Expect from your children only what you have prepared them for, and expect the kind of conduct from them that you have shown toward them.
“Hazrat Nu‘man, may Allah be pleased with him, said: My father, Hazrat Bashir, may Allah be pleased with him, took me to the service of the Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Bear witness that I have given Nu‘man such-and-such things.’ Thereupon the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, asked him, ‘Have you given all your children gifts of this kind?’ He replied, ‘No, I have not given them all.’ The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said, ‘Then make someone else a witness.’ Then he said, ‘Do you not like all your children to treat you with the same righteousness?’ Bashir, may Allah be pleased with him, replied, ‘Why not?’ He said, ‘Then do not do this.’”—Al-Adab al-Mufrad

This part of the hadith deserves particular reflection: “Do you not like all your children to treat you with the same righteousness?” In other words, a child learns from your conduct how one should behave toward parents. Besides parents, other factors also play an active role in shaping a child’s character and behavior. Education, surroundings, friends, relatives, and the system of government all bear responsibility, within their own limits, for construction and destruction. But here we are discussing only the parents. Their responsibilities regarding their children, and the rights children have concerning them, will be discussed.

A Clear Understanding of Children’s Rights

Every mother wants her child to be a source of peace for her heart and coolness for her eyes, a means of honor and comfort for her in this world and the Hereafter, and a source of benefit for her family and society. Your aspiration certainly deserves respect. But no aspiration is fulfilled through supplication alone. Your supplications are pure, and your aspirations are pure, but no goal can be achieved through supplication and aspiration alone. Unless one properly fulfills the right of striving in accordance with one’s supplications and aspirations, they will never take the form of success. Who does not desire a good and prosperous future for their child? Does any mother hope that her child will walk a misguided path? Whose heart does not ache at a child’s wrongdoing and deviation? If a child is disgraced and unsuccessful, which mother’s eyes would not shed tears of blood? And which mother would not be overjoyed at seeing her child’s successful future? Yet a goal cannot be achieved through good emotions and feelings alone. For a child’s bright future, it is necessary to give them a clear understanding of their rights and to make every effort to fulfill those rights. Only after fulfilling your own responsibilities properly and well can you teach your children to fulfill their rights. If you yourself have no clear understanding of their rights, how will you fulfill them? You must also be diligent in fulfilling your children’s rights because this is your religious responsibility. Allah has determined their rights, and one day He will question you about them. The statement of the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, is:

والمرأة راعية على بيت زوجها وولده فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ
رعيته – متفق عليه“And a woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children. All of you are guardians, each according to your respective circumstances, and all of you will be questioned about those under your care.”—Bukhari and Muslim

Undoubtedly, the father is also the guardian of his children and responsible for their rights. But it is a fact that the mother’s responsibility is somewhat greater. Because of the running about required to earn a livelihood, the father spends most of his time outside the home. The mother is always at home with the children, and the child is also more attached to the mother. By nature, the mother spends more time caring for the children, and the child is consequently influenced somewhat more by the mother.

Children’s Rights

It is also a fact that Allah, in His wisdom, has granted women somewhat more than men of the elevated moral character and qualities needed to fulfill children’s responsibilities properly and beautifully and to give them their due rights. Women have been given more than men the basic qualities of patience, sacrifice, self-denial, compassion, gentleness, and love. That is why these qualities are more necessary for fulfilling the responsibilities Allah has placed upon them.

The Seven Rights of Children

First: Appreciation and value of the child
Second: Care and upbringing
Third: Good conduct
Fourth: Giving a good name
Fifth: Affection and love
Sixth: Education and training
Seventh: Marriage.
We shall discuss these seven rights in detail below. Along with heartfelt supplication for your child, a deep understanding of these rights and a complete arrangement for fulfilling them can make your child a source of coolness for your eyes.

The Child’s Appreciation and Value

The first and most important right of a child is that you recognize his dignity and value. You should not become annoyed by considering his existence a hardship of life. Rather, you should regard the child as Allah’s mercy and gift to you. If you fail to appreciate the value of his existence, you will never be able to fulfill his other rights; you will either deny him the opportunity to receive them, or, even when the opportunity arises, you will be unable to fulfill them successfully.
To treat a child correctly, it is essential to know his proper dignity and value. A child is a great blessing from Allah. A child is the adornment of the home, a source of goodness and blessing, and equivalent to prosperity in religion and worldly life. A child increases your honor and status in the world and is regarded as a support or helper in life. He fulfills your hopes and aspirations. He becomes a means of preserving and spreading your cherished ideas or ideals. He continues the customs and practices you established, and later, as your heir, keeps your achievements alive.
From a religious perspective too, a child is an incomparable gift from Allah. In religious work, he is your excellent helper and heir. In accountability for religious work, he is a source of coolness for your eyes and peace for your heart. He preserves and inherits your religious customs and ideals. That is why the Prophet of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, supplicated to Allah:

رب هَبْ لِي مِنْ لَّدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً“O my Lord! Grant me, from Your presence, a righteous offspring.”

One purpose of this supplication was that the child would become a religious heir after him and complete the father’s mission.

فَهَبْ لِي مِن لَّدُنكَ وَلِيًّا – يَرِثُنِي وَيَرِثُ مِنْ آلِ يَعْقُوب“O my Lord, grant me from Yourself an heir. He will inherit from me and inherit from the family of Jacob.”

That is, he would inherit the light of religion that had spread from the family of Jacob, peace be upon him, and would never allow that light to be extinguished. The truth is that a righteous child is a means of great honor and esteem in this world, and of boundless reward and recompense in the Hereafter.

A Special Mansion in Paradise

If your child dies during your lifetime and you bear the grief of that death with patience and steadfastness, then the child will become a reserve for you in the Hereafter, a means of attaining Paradise, and a source of great honor and esteem. In return for this patience, Allah will grant you Paradise and build a special kind of mansion there for you. Its name will be “the Mansion of Gratitude.” Hazrat Abu Musa al-Ash‘ari, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:

إِذا مَاتَ وَلَدُ الْعَبْدِ قَالَ اللهُ تَعَالَى لِمَلَائِكَتِهِ قَبَضْتُمْ وَلَدَ عَبدِي فَيَقُولُونَ نعم فَيَقُولُ قَبَضْتُم ثمرة فؤاده فيقولون نعم فَيَقُولُ فَمَاذَا قَالَ عَبْدِى فيقولون حمدك واسترجع فَيَقُولُ الله تعالى ابْنُوا لِعَبْدِي بَيْتًا فِي الْجَنَّةِ وسموه بيت الحمد – جامع ترمذى“When a servant’s child dies, Allah Most High asks His angels, ‘Have you taken the soul of My servant’s child?’ They reply, ‘Yes.’ He asks, ‘Have you taken the fruit of his heart?’ They reply, ‘Yes.’ Allah asks, ‘Then what did My servant say?’ They reply, ‘He praised You and said, “Indeed, we belong to Allah and indeed to Him we shall return.”’ Allah Most High then commands the angels to build a mansion in Paradise for His servant and name it ‘the Mansion of Gratitude.’”

“Hazrat Umm Habibah, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated: I was sitting with Hazrat Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her, when the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, arrived. He said: ‘If the three underage children of any Muslim couple die, those children will stand at the gates of Paradise on the Day of Resurrection. When they are told to enter Paradise, those innocent children will reply, “We cannot enter Paradise until our parents enter it.” Then Allah will command: “Go, you and your parents—all of you enter Paradise.”’”—Tabarani

A Child as Ongoing Charity

If you depart this world while your child is alive, the child will be counted for you as a charity whose reward will continue to be recorded in your record of deeds as long as the world remains. With death, a person’s opportunity to perform deeds comes to an end. But if he leaves behind a righteous child, that will be a righteous deed whose reward continues to be recorded. Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:

إِذَا مَاتَ الْإِنسان انقطع عمله إلا من ثلاث صدقة جارية أو علم ينتفع به أو ولد صالح يدعوله – صحيح مسلم“When a person dies, his opportunity for deeds ends, except in three cases: an ongoing charity, knowledge from which people continue to benefit, or a righteous child who supplicates for him after his death.”

“Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, said: When the rank of a deceased person is raised, he asks in amazement, ‘How did this happen?’ He is told from Allah, ‘Your child is supplicating for your forgiveness, and Allah has accepted that supplication.’”

“Hazrat Ibn Sirin, may Allah have mercy on him, said: One night we were sitting in the company of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him. He raised his hands to supplicate and humbly said, ‘O my Lord, forgive Abu Hurairah. O Lord, forgive Abu Hurairah’s mother. O Lord, forgive all those who supplicate for the forgiveness of Abu Hurairah and his mother.’ Therefore, we continually supplicate for the forgiveness of Hazrat Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, and his mother, so that we may be included in Abu Hurairah’s supplication.”

Killing Children Is the Most Heinous Sin

Although Muslim society is currently battered by a sorrowful retreat and an instructive decline, has lost the courage to advance and achieve progress in the world, and has forgotten the teachings for attaining elevated rank in the Hereafter, Muslim women nevertheless possess the special distinction—by virtue of retaining a connection with Tawhid and the fundamental teachings of religion—that they cannot even contemplate certain sins in which other women are involved or could easily become involved.
A Muslim woman cannot even imagine killing her innocent child with her own hands. To eradicate this grave sin, Islam has, on the one hand, instilled in the hearts of parents a profound sense of the sanctity of human life and appreciation of the child’s worth. On the other hand, it has described killing children as such a serious sin that it has been characterized as a heinous sin like shirk. It is stated in the Holy Qur’an:

قُلْ تَعَالَوْا أَتْلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ أَلَّا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ مِّنْ إِمْلَاقٍ – – الانعام : ١٥١“O Messenger! Say to them: Come, I will recite what your Lord has forbidden you: Do not associate anything with Him; treat parents well; and do not kill your children for fear of poverty.”—Surah al-An‘am: 152

The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, placed such importance on purifying society from this terrible injustice that among the essential matters on which he first took a pledge from the Ansar at the Pledge of ‘Aqabah was that they would not kill their children. He also took a pledge from the women who came to the court of the Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, that they would not kill their children. Among the terms of the pledge taken from the women who accepted Islam after the Treaty of Hudaybiyyah was a promise not to kill their children. At the general Eid gathering, he would visit the women’s section and take this pledge from them, along with pledges concerning other matters.

“Hazrat ‘Ubadah ibn al-Samit, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated: Once we were present in the company of the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. He said to us, ‘Give me your pledge that you will not associate anything with Allah, will not steal, will refrain from evil deeds, and will not kill your children. Whoever fulfills this pledge will have his reward with Allah. Whoever commits any of these evil deeds and is punished under the law, that will be an expiation for his sin. But if a person’s sin is not exposed to anyone in this world, then the matter is with Allah: He may forgive him if He wills, or punish him if He wills.’”

Causes of Child-Killing

In the pre-Islamic era, child-killing was practiced in many countries. It was particularly widespread in Rome. Children were killed openly, without any investigation or judgment. This terrible practice also existed among India’s Rajputs, while the stories of the Arabs’ mercilessness and cruelty have become legendary.
Generally, there were three causes of child-killing. Some ignorant or foolish people considered it a religious act and sacrificed their children before deities in order to please them. They would make a vow: if such-and-such a task was accomplished, they would sacrifice their child. This oppressive and brutal act was not committed only by men; women also participated in it mercilessly. Once, a woman came to Hazrat Abdullah ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, and said, ‘I had vowed to sacrifice my child.’ He replied, ‘Never do this. Pay the expiation for the vow.’”—Muwatta of Imam Malik

This practice of ignorance and cruelty is not merely a memorable matter of the past; even today, some people of the subcontinent continue to wander in the darkness of ignorance. Some time ago, in a place called Wazaran, an innocent nine-year-old girl was killed in the name of a goddess. The Holy Qur’an has also portrayed their folly and injustice and stated that they are in manifest loss.

وَكَذلِكَ زَيَّنَ لِكَثِيرٍ مِّنَ الْمُشْرِكِينَ قَتْلَ أَوْلَادِهِمْ شُرَكَاؤُهُمْ لِيُرْدُوهُمْ
وليلْبِسُوا عَلَيْهِم بَيْنَهُمْ ، وَلَوْ شَاءَ اللهُ مَا فَعَلُوهُ فَذَرْهُمْ وَمَا يَفْتَرُونَ“Thus their partners made the killing of their own children seem attractive to many of the polytheists, so as to ruin them and confuse their religion for them.”—Surah al-An‘am: 137

قد خَسِرَ الَّذِينَ قَتَلُوا أَوْلادَهُم سَفَها بغير علم – الانعام : ١٤٠“Indeed, those who killed their children out of foolishness and ignorance have suffered loss.”—Surah al-An‘am: 140

Some unintelligent people killed their beloved children out of fear that they would share in their provision and plunge them into poverty and anxiety. These ignorant people were restrained from this injustice and told: Do you create your own provision yourselves? The Allah who provides for you will provide for them as well. When Allah decides to send a soul into the world, He sends its means of sustenance along with it. The keys to the treasuries of provision are solely in Allah’s hand.

ولا تَقْتُلُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلَاقٍ ، نَحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُمْ ، إِنَّ قَتَلَهُمْ كَانَ خِطْأُ كبيران (بنی اسراء يل : (۳۱“Do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, killing them is a great sin.”—Surah Bani Isra’il: 31

The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, described this crime as one of the gravest sins:

عن عبد اللهِ قَالَ سَأَلْتُ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَيُّ الذَّنْبِ أَعْظَمُ عِندَ اللهِ قَالَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ الله ندا وَهُوَ خَلَقَكَ قُلْتُ إِنْ ذَالِكَ لَعَظِيمٌ قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَيُّ قَالَ أَنْ تَقْتُلَ وَلَدَكَ تَخَافُ أَنْ يُطْعَمَ مَعَكَ قُلْتُ ثُمَّ أَي قَالَ أَنْ تُزَانِي حَلِيلَةً جارك – صحيح بخاري كتاب التفسير“Hazrat Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud, may Allah be pleased with him, said: I asked the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, which sin is greatest in the sight of Allah? He said, ‘That you set up a rival to Allah, although He created you.’ I said, ‘Indeed, that is a great sin.’ I then asked, ‘Which is next?’ He said, ‘That you kill your child for fear that he will share your food.’ I asked, ‘Then which?’ He said, ‘That you commit adultery with your neighbor’s wife.’”

The third method of killing children was extremely horrifying and tragic. The very thought of it makes the heart tremble. Some hard-hearted and cruel people would bury their innocent, beloved daughters alive with their own hands. The terrifying sight and the heart-rending cries of the innocent, pure girls had no effect whatsoever on them. In their view, the existence of a daughter was a symbol of disgrace and dishonor. That a woman who would become another man’s wife would call them father was, to them, unimaginable humiliation. They also considered it extremely shameful that someone would become their son-in-law and that their sons-in-law would call them father-in-law. In fact, whenever they learned that a daughter had been born in their home, they became agitated with worry. They would try immediately to throw several baskets of earth over that object of disgrace. They intensely disliked becoming anyone’s father-in-law or the husband’s father of a daughter. The Holy Qur’an has depicted this reprehensible attitude as follows:

وإذا بشر أحدهم بالأنثى ظل وجهه مسوداً وَهُوَ كَظِيمٌ يَتَوَارَى مِنَ الْقَوْمِ مِنْ سُوءِ مَا بُشِرَبِهِ ، أَيُمْسِكُهُ عَلَى هُونٍ أَمْ يَدُسُهُ فِي التَّرَابِ“When one of them is given the news of the birth of a daughter, his face becomes darkened, and he is filled with suppressed anger. He hides himself from the people because of the bad news he has received, wondering: Should he keep her despite humiliation, or bury her in the ground?”—Surah al-Nahl: 58–59

Certain Arab tribes and individuals were renowned for this cruelty and hardness of heart. These oppressors considered burying helpless and innocent girls alive a great achievement. These merciless people even took pride in their cruelty. A man came to the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, and, describing his accomplishment, said that he had personally buried eight daughters alive.

The Heart-Rending Story of an Innocent Daughter

Among the Banu Tamim tribe, the cruel practice of burying daughters alive was particularly widespread. When the chief of this tribe, Qays ibn Asim, accepted Islam, he narrated the heartbreaking incident of burying his own innocent daughter alive with his own hands, saying:
“ O Messenger of Allah! I had gone away on a journey. During that time, a daughter was born to me. Had I been at home, as soon as I heard her voice I would have buried her in the earth and silenced her forever. Her mother somehow raised her for a few days. As the days passed, the mother’s affection for her became intense. Trembling at the thought that her father would bury her alive, her mother, terrified of me, sent her beloved daughter to her maternal aunt. She hoped that, after the girl had been brought up there and grown older, compassion might also arise in her father’s heart. When I returned home from my journey, I was told that a dead baby had been born in my house. Thus the matter came to an end. The girl continued to be raised by her aunt and eventually grew quite large. By Allah’s decree, I went out one day on an errand. Her mother thought, ‘The girl’s father is not at home today. What harm could there be in bringing her home?’ So she brought the girl home. Unfortunately, I too arrived home a few days later. When I arrived, I saw an extraordinarily beautiful little girl running and playing from one side of the house to the other. An unknown love surged in my heart as well. Seeing the state of my gaze, my wife realized that dormant paternal affection had awakened and that the influence of blood had begun to show. I asked my wife, ‘Good woman, whose child is this? What a beautiful girl!’
In reply, my wife told me the whole story. I casually embraced the girl. Her mother told her, ‘This is your father.’ The girl clung to me. So delighted was she to receive her father’s affection that she would put her face to mine, calling me ‘Father, Father’; and whenever she came running to me calling ‘Father, Father,’ I would embrace her and feel a remarkable kind of peace. Thus the days passed, and the girl was raised carefree amid affection and love.
But from time to time, as I watched her, I would think that because of her I would have to become a father-in-law. I would also have to endure the humiliation of my daughter becoming someone’s wife. How could I show my face in public? My honor and dignity would be reduced to dust. At last my sense of status stirred me up. My patience broke, and I decided that I would certainly bury this humiliating object. I told my wife to prepare the girl, saying that I would take her with me to a feast. My wife bathed her, dressed her in clean clothes, adorned her, and prepared her. The little girl was overflowing with joy at the thought of going out with her father. I set off with her toward a desolate forest. The girl went along with me, dancing happily, while my stony heart held only one thought: how quickly could I bury this bundle of shame in the earth? She knew nothing. The innocent girl sometimes held my hand, sometimes ran ahead of me, and sometimes went along speaking in ecstatic delight. At last I stopped at a place and began digging a hole.
The little girl became bewildered. Why was her father digging a hole in a deserted forest? She asked, ‘Father, why are you digging a hole?’ She did not know that the cruel father was digging a grave for her and would silence her forever. While I was digging, soil fell on my feet and clothes. The innocent girl brushed it away with her tiny, beloved, delicate hands and, in her childish speech, said, ‘Daddy, your clothes are getting dirty.’ When I had finished digging the deep hole, I lifted that pure, innocent, cheerful girl and threw her into it, then began hurriedly casting soil over her. The girl looked at me in anguish and cried out, ‘Father, my father, what are you doing? Daddy, what are you doing? Daddy, I haven’t done anything. Daddy, why are you burying me in the ground?’ And I continued my deed as though I were mute, blind, and deaf. O Messenger of Allah! No compassion or mercy arose in my tyrannical, stony heart. I buried the girl alive and returned, breathing a sigh of relief.
When the Messenger of Allah, the Mercy to the Worlds, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, heard this painful account of the innocent girl’s suffering and helplessness, his heart was overcome with grief. Tears began to fall drop by drop from his blessed eyes. Weeping, he said, ‘This is the deed of a heart utterly hardened to stone. How will Allah show mercy to one who cannot show mercy to others?’”

A Instructive Story

A man narrated before the Beloved Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, a story from his age of ignorance, presenting it so vividly that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, became deeply grieved.
“O Messenger of Allah! We were ignorant; we knew nothing. We worshipped stone idols and cast our beloved children into death with our own hands. O Messenger of Allah, I had a much-loved daughter. Whenever I called her, she would run to me. One day I called her, and she came running toward me, bubbling with happiness. I took her with me. I walked ahead, and she followed behind, running. There was a deep well a short distance from my home. I reached the well and stopped. The girl also came up to me. Then, O Messenger of Allah, I took the girl by the hand, lifted her, and threw her into the well. The innocent girl began screaming inside the well and called me ‘Father, Father’ in an extremely plaintive voice. O Messenger of Allah! That was the last sound of her life.”
Hearing this sorrowful story, the heart of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, was overwhelmed with pain, and tears began to flow from his eyes. One Companion rebuked the man and said, “You have needlessly pained the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, by telling him this distressing story.” Hearing this, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said, “No, do not say anything to him. Do not say anything to him. He has come to hear how the calamity that befell him may be remedied.” Then he addressed the man himself and said, “Tell your story again.” The Companion narrated the sorrowful story a second time. Hearing it, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, entered a wondrous state. As he wept, his blessed beard became soaked with tears. Then he told him, “Because you have accepted Islam, all the sins of the age of ignorance have been forgiven. Go now and do good deeds.” —Musnad al-Darimi

Allah alone knows how many innocent and helpless girls became victims of this oppression, and for how long girls were buried alive by their own parents. Even in that age, there were certainly some compassionate and Allah-loving people. They tried to save girls from this oppression and barbarity. But their individual efforts could not end that horrifying practice.

A Noble Effort to Save Girls from Being Buried Alive

Farazdaq was a renowned Arab poet. He took great pride in one matter: his grandfather, Hadrat Sa’sa’, had saved many girls from being buried alive. Hadrat Sa’sa’ himself narrated his story as follows:
“Once I set out in search of two camels that had gone missing. In the distance I saw a fire. At times its flames rose high, and at other times they died down. I thought, ‘Let me go and see what has happened. Perhaps someone struck by calamity has lit this fire.’ I set out, resolving that if I found someone afflicted by hardship, I would certainly try to remove his difficulty if I could help him. I drove my camel swiftly and, within a short time, reached the quarter of Banu Anmar. There I saw a long-haired old man sitting in front of his home, mourning, while many women sat around another woman. This woman was suffering the pains of childbirth. After offering greetings and prayers, I asked about the situation. They told me that the woman had been in labor for three days. While I was speaking with the old man, the women suddenly announced that the child had been born. The old man shouted, ‘It would be good if it were a boy. But if it is a girl, I do not want to hear her voice. I will kill her immediately.’
“I said very gently, ‘Sheikh, do not do this. She is your own daughter. What about her provision? Allah is the One who provides her sustenance.’ The old man roared again, ‘No, I will not keep her alive. I will kill her, whatever happens.’ When I humbly pleaded with him again and again, he changed somewhat and said, ‘If you are so compassionate, pay her price and take her away to raise.’ Without hesitation I said, ‘I am ready to buy her.’ I purchased the newborn girl and returned happily, pledging to Allah that I would raise this child with tenderness and love. I also promised Allah that whenever a hard-hearted person wanted to kill an innocent girl, I would never allow it. I would pay for the girl, take her away, and raise her with the utmost affection.
“After that, this practice continued. At last Allah Most High sent Hadrat Muhammad, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. Until that time, I had saved ninety-four infant girls from the clutches of cruel parents. Then the Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, ended this curse forever.”

Islam purifies society of every oppressive practice of killing children and mentions, as a characteristic of Allah’s beloved servants, that they pray to Allah to make their children a source of comfort and joy to their eyes:

والَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُن – الفرقان : ٧٤“And those who say, ‘Our Lord, grant us from our spouses and offspring the comfort of our eyes.’” —Surah al-Furqan: 74

The Birth of a Daughter

Whether a daughter or a son is born in your home, you express happiness. It is natural that you should rejoice at this. You do not merely wish to express your joy; you also want your friends and relatives to share in it. And that is what normally happens. With the guiding light Islam has shown you and the example of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, before you, you cannot even think of differentiating between sons and daughters—of rejoicing at the birth of a son but not at the birth of a daughter. Considering a daughter’s existence disgraceful and giving sons preference over daughters are the results of ideas opposed to Islam. Islamic society must certainly remain pure of such notions. Indeed, Islamic society is free of them. Yet there are still some families where the atmosphere at the birth of a son and a daughter is not the same. The sincere joy shown at the birth of a son is not shown when a daughter is born. The good news of a son’s birth is conveyed to relatives and friends with an emotion and enthusiasm that are absent when announcing the birth of a daughter. Congratulations on the birth of a daughter often sound more like advice to be patient.
You tell me, what do these statements mean: ‘My back is broken. I am finished. The desire of my heart has remained unfulfilled. I will hold her too, but a son is something else. My head has been bowed. Those who have daughters cannot even raise their heads. Well, brother, who can oppose Allah’s will? May Allah make her fortune good. Allah has put us to the test. He alone will give us courage. I love my daughter too, but I feel very unhappy. If it had been a son, my joy would have been of another kind. I did not tell you the news, because what news is there to tell? What always happens has happened. What should I write about it?’ May Allah forgive us. Tell me, what connection can such statements have with Islamic teachings? Yet, consciously and unconsciously, such words are repeated in some Muslim families. Men and women alike repeat them.
The matter of children is directly under Allah’s authority. No one’s wishes or desires have any control over it. Allah alone knows whether a daughter or a son is better for a particular person. You may certainly pray and wish that you have a daughter and not a son, or a son and not a daughter. But it is not necessary that your wish will be fulfilled and your prayer accepted. The One who controls this decision is Allah Most High alone. No one has the power to change His decision or influence Him. No one shares in His power and authority.

يخلق ما يشاء ، يهب لمن يشاء انانا ويهب لمن يشاء الذكور أو يزوجهم ذكرانا وإناثًا ، ويجعل من يشاءُ عَقِيمًا ، إِنَّهُ عَلِيمٌ قدير – شوری : ٥٠٤٩“He creates whatever He wills. He grants daughters to whom He wills, grants sons to whom He wills, combines sons and daughters for whomever He wills, and makes whomever He wills barren. Indeed, He is All-Knowing, All-Powerful.”

The reality is that human beings are completely helpless regarding children. If a person reflects on this matter, he will see that only Allah’s command operates throughout creation and that no one shares in His divinity. In the matter of children, no one’s spiritual rank or miracles can avail. Amulets, charms, and medical treatment cannot accomplish it either. Far from being able to give a child to someone else or cause a son to be born instead of a daughter, even people regarded as possessing great spiritual powers cannot have a child in their own homes according to their wishes. And if a person is deprived of children, he cannot obtain one through his own efforts.
Nor can you know through any form of knowledge whether a daughter or a son will be more beneficial for you. It may happen that a home has daughter after daughter and is filled with prosperity and peace. Another home may have son after son, yet every one of them may become a source of worry for the parents. It may also happen that, after giving birth to several sons, a mother prays day and night for a daughter; but as soon as Allah grants her one, people say that she has ruined her parents’ lives, and the mother is driven to pray, ‘If only I had died at the time of her birth; how much better that would have been!’ There are also cases where parents cannot tolerate a son, while a daughter is so dear to them that they constantly praise her. The truth is that Allah alone knows the unseen, and He alone knows what will bring people good fortune and well-being.

A Daughter Is a Cause of Good Fortune

The wife of Imran prayed to Allah, saying, ‘O Lord! I have vowed the child I am to give birth to in Your service. Accept my vow.’ But when she gave birth to a daughter, she became very worried and said, ‘My Lord, it is a girl! O Allah, how can this goal be achieved through a girl? A son is not like a daughter. A son is free from natural weakness and the constraints imposed by civilization.’ But Allah knew very well for whom Imran’s wife had made this offering. She was extremely worried because she thought of the child as a girl. She wondered how the purpose for which she had vowed her child could be fulfilled. Did she know that this very daughter would be the cause of her good fortune and that this daughter would keep her name illuminated until the Day of Resurrection? Through her, the name of Imran’s wife would be preserved in the final Heavenly Book, and millions upon millions of people would remember her name until the Day of Resurrection. Through her, she would become the grandmother of a leading prophet upon whom Allah would reveal the Gospel.
In reality, Allah Most High did not render the vow of Imran’s wife unsuccessful. Rather, He accepted that daughter in such a splendid manner that she would be remembered until the Day of Resurrection. Her name has been preserved in the Scriptures; reading about her brings reward, listening brings reward, and causing others to hear also brings reward. The Holy Qur’an narrates her story as follows:

متقبلها ربها بقبول حسن وأنبتها نباتا حسنَا ، وَكَفَلَهَا زَكَرِيَّا ، كُلَّمَا دَخَلَ عليها زكريا المحراب ، وجد عندها رزقا ، قال يمريمُ أَنِّي لَكَ هَذَا ، قَالَتْ
هُوَ مِنْ عِندِ اللهِ ، إِنَّ اللهَ يَرْزُقُ مَنْ يَشَاء بغير حساب ال عمران : ۲۷“Then her Lord accepted her with gracious acceptance, caused her to grow in a beautiful manner, and placed her in the care of Zakariyya. Whenever Zakariyya entered her chamber, he found food with her. He asked, ‘O Maryam, where did this come from?’ She replied, ‘It is from Allah.’ Indeed, Allah grants provision in abundance to whom He wills.”

A child is a gift from Allah. A daughter is His gift, and so is a son. The duty of one who receives a gift is to appreciate it and show gratitude to the Giver. It is never fitting for a believer to fail to value Allah’s gift or to be ungrateful. Allah alone knows whom to grant which blessing, and He makes wise decisions according to His knowledge and power. It is the duty of a believer to be content with His decision and regard it as beneficial for himself.
The belief of every believing man and woman concerning the Beloved Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, is that no one better or more excellent than him has been created, nor can anyone ever be. He, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, was the father of four daughters. Regarding Hadrat Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said that there is no woman in the heavens and the earth better than her. Through her, Allah Most High granted the Beloved Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, these four daughters, and Hadrat Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, was the mother of those four daughters. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, guided the Ummah:

لا تَكْرِهُو الْبَنَاتِ فَإِنِّي أَبُو الْبَنَاتِ“Do not hate daughters, for I am myself the father of daughters.”

He also said that daughters are full of affection and are a source of goodness and blessing. In Kanz al-Ummal, Hadrat Ibn Shurayh says:

سبعة رَسُولَ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ إِذَا وُلِدَ لِلرَّجُلُ ابْنَةُ بَعَثَ اللهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ مَلَئِكَةٌ يَقُولُونَ السَّلامُ عَلَيْكُمْ يَا أَهْلَ الْبَيْتِ يَكْتَنفُونَهَا
بأجنحتهم ويمسحون بأيديهم على رأسها ويَقُولُونَ ضَعِيفَةٌ خَرَجَتْ مِنْ ضعيفة القيم عليها معان إلى يوم القيمة – المعجم الصغير اللطبراني“I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, say: When a daughter is born in a man’s home, Allah sends angels there. They come and say, ‘Peace be upon you, people of the household!’ They shelter the newborn girl beneath their wings, place their hands upon her head, and say, ‘This is a weak body, born from a weak life. Whoever takes responsibility for raising this weak life will have Allah’s help with him until the Day of Resurrection.’” —Al-Mu’jam al-Saghir of al-Tabarani

A man was sitting with Hadrat Abdullah ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him. The man had several daughters. He said, ‘Alas! How much better it would be if these girls died.’ Hearing this, Abdullah ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, exploded with anger and said to him, “Do you provide their sustenance?”
There can be only two fundamental reasons for frowning and feeling unhappy when a daughter is born. First, considering the very existence of a daughter a cause of shame; and second, becoming anxious about the expenses incurred for her.
When the first reason is examined, it is clear that it is extremely shameful. A woman who wishes to live according to the light of Islam and regards the sacred life of the Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, as her example—how can this be a cause of shame when the Beloved Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, was himself the father of daughters and described the existence of a daughter as a shield from Hell and a means to Paradise?
When the second reason is considered, it becomes clear that such ideas from the age of ignorance cannot enter a Muslim’s mind even for a moment. How can someone who believes Allah to be the Provider and Sustainer imagine that he is the provider of a daughter’s sustenance? The creed of one who believes in Allah’s attributes is that Allah alone is the Provider and Fulfiller of needs, and that Allah provides sustenance to every created being. Each one brings its allotted sustenance with it. What right does any human being have to think that he provides someone else’s sustenance, when Allah Himself provides for him and he depends upon Allah to fulfill his own needs?
No one can say what has been decreed for anyone’s fortune. It may be that the apparently weak daughter has come with immense strength and a great destiny. It is not beyond Allah’s power that the weak girl born in your home may have brought not only her own provision, but through the blessing of her destiny may also transform your circumstances.
By making you the guardian of a weak daughter, Allah has bestowed a tremendous favor upon you—such a favor that, if you reflect upon it, you will be overwhelmed with gratitude. Allah has surrounded Paradise with a difficult path full of hardship and trials, but because you are the parents of a daughter, the path to Paradise has been made easier for you.

Raising Children

The second important right of children is to be raised and cared for. Just as a child depends on its parents for existence, it also depends on them for growth, upbringing, and supervision. Infancy is a time of extreme helplessness. If a child does not receive parental guardianship and care during this period, it cannot grow properly. Therefore, after describing the value and importance of children, Islam has mentioned their second right: that they be raised well.

Allah’s Favor toward Parents

Raising children is an extremely difficult task. It requires boundless patience, sacrifice, devotion, sincere affection, and love. Allah Most High has created limitless love for children in the hearts of parents and given them a powerful desire to raise them, thereby preparing them to undertake this difficult responsibility. While raising children and enduring various kinds of hardship, parents do not become weary or disgusted; rather, even amid these pains and difficulties, they feel an inner peace. After accepting hardship and enduring different kinds of suffering, when they cast a loving glance at the child, a wave of pride and happiness rises within them. Such spiritual joy and happiness arise in the hearts of parents that no sense of the many hardships of raising the child remains. Through this extraordinary sincere love for the child, Allah Most High has shown immense favor to parents. Without this emotion and enthusiasm, fulfilling the duty of raising children would probably have become a tremendous trial for parents, and very few people would have been able to carry out this difficult duty.
Think of the weak and exhausted mother who, over several months, uses up her own body and vital strength to give a child the power of existence, and then risks her own life to give birth to a newborn. Think of that newborn: a helpless piece of flesh, without even the power of speech. Yet that ailing mother, without caring for her own life, gladly accepts the hardship of raising it through sacrifice and endurance.
The child’s continuous crying causes her not the slightest discomfort. The child repeatedly urinates and defecates, not only in the bed but often on her body and clothes as well. Yet she does not mind. Moreover, if the child suffers any pain, the weak mother holds it in her arms and spends the entire night awake. She feels not the slightest hardship. Rather, seeing the child in pain, she becomes so distressed that, if possible, she would take the pain upon herself and yearns to give the child comfort.
The father is in the same condition. He does not hesitate at all to spend his hard-earned money on this soft little child. Whether celebrating its birth or the joy of its aqiqah, he continually spends his wealth with happiness. He bears the heat that scorches the body, endures the blasts of hot wind, works intensely beneath the sun that splits wood, and runs about at odd hours through freezing cold. Whatever he earns amid great hardship, he earns for his children. Then he spends it on them without feeling pain in his heart; rather, he experiences immense spiritual satisfaction. If the parents’ hearts did not contain boundless affection and love for the child, along with a powerful desire to raise it, how could any of this be possible?

Raising Children Is an Innate Inclination

Love for a child and the urge to raise one are innate instincts. Allah has created this instinct in the heart of every parent. Whether parents are Muslim or not, and whether they believe in any religion or in Allah or not, makes no difference. For the vital necessity of preserving the human race and keeping this world inhabited, Allah has created in every person the instinct and desire to raise children. For this reason, Allah has granted every parent innate affection without distinction. Naturally, every person wishes that their child will take their place, keep their name alive, inherit their wealth and property, and inherit their history, culture, customs, and traditions. A child is a part of one’s own body and soul. Therefore, by nature, the child’s life should be dear to the parents. Even those who have a clear understanding of raising children and of their emotions regard raising children under the influence of innate tenderness and love as an excellent duty and a good deed. For a woman to endure every kind of hardship and make continuous sacrifices for the child’s sake, it is sufficient that she is the child’s mother. Whether she believes in Islam, follows another religion, or follows no religion at all makes no difference.

The Difference of a Muslim Mother Regarding Childrearing

Allah has granted all mothers affection for their children and the urge to raise them. Both a Muslim mother and a mother ignorant of Islam raise their children under the influence of innate instinct. But there is a vast difference between them in their outlook, the reason for their exertion, their methods, and the effects and consequences of their efforts.
A mother deprived of Islam limits whatever she thinks or can think about raising a child to this world alone. Her vision does not extend beyond the boundary of death to the eternal world. She raises the child because it is her own. Her heart contains boundless affection for the child. She raises the child because childrearing is a good deed in this world and because of this innate affection.
She thinks that through the child her lineage will continue, or that when grown the child will give her comfort and peace and become her helper. Under the influence of these ideas, she raises her child so that it may live a successful life from a worldly perspective.
A Muslim mother also raises her child because of her boundless affection. She too believes that the child is a means of preserving her lineage. The child is her helper in life and her refuge in old age. But the difference is that she considers raising a child a religious duty and a means of attaining salvation in the Hereafter and Allah’s pleasure. Moreover, Muslim parents place themselves under Islamic commands and injunctions in raising their children. Muslim parents do not raise children merely so that their aim in life may be to spend their worldly lives in prosperity and comfort; rather, under their guardianship they produce mujahids whose vision reaches far beyond this world, who live and die in this world in order to live according to Allah’s will and attain Allah’s pleasure in the Hereafter.
For a Muslim mother, raising a child is not merely a worldly matter; its good or bad effects will also appear in the life called the Hereafter. She believes in that life. Her way of thinking is that if she raises the child according to Islamic ideas and nurtures it in accordance with Islamic guidance, its life in the Hereafter will be beautiful. Allah will be pleased with it and will grant it Paradise and shower it with rewards. If she shows weakness in fulfilling this duty or fails to raise her children according to Allah’s commands, she will be ashamed in the Hereafter and her afterlife will be ruined. Allah will be displeased with her and punish her.
Even though compelled by maternal affection, a Muslim mother raises her child and seeks a good reward in this world as well. At the same time, she hopes for recompense and reward on the day when she will be more in need of recompense than in this world. That reward will be everlasting.
A mother deprived of the blessing of Islam can never experience the same loving emotion toward her child as a Muslim mother. When the emotion of faith is added to innate affection, the depth of tenderness and sincerity that arises cannot arise in the heart of a non-Muslim mother. Moreover, the joy and strength created in a Muslim mother’s heart by her distinctive fundamental outlook cannot arise in the heart of a non-Muslim mother.
The greatest benefit of this kind of thought and action is that even if, despite all efforts and sacrifices, the child is unable to fulfill the mother’s hopes, she is not ashamed. She does not despair, nor does her work decline. Rather, she is always strengthened by the conviction that even if the child fails to fulfill her hopes in this world, Allah will fulfill the recompense and reward she expects from Him. For Allah never allows the reward of a servant’s deeds to be lost. He is supremely powerful. He fully rewards a servant’s good deeds and never deprives the servant of reward.

إِنَّ هَذَا كَانَ لَكُمْ جَزَاء وَكَانَ سَعيكم مشكورا الدهر : ٢٢“This is a reward for you, and your efforts are acknowledged and accepted (by Allah; they do not go to waste).” —Surah al-Dahr: 22

It is of Allah’s power that He increases His grace in a servant’s righteous deeds and grants the servant rewards and recompense multiplied many times over. Even when there are some shortcomings and errors in a servant’s deeds, He does not reduce the recompense; rather, He forgives the shortcomings and, through His grace, increases the reward.

ومن يُقْتَرِفْ حَسَنَةً نَزِدْلَهُ فِيهَا حُسْنًا ، إِنَّ اللهَ غَفُورٌ شَكُور – الشورى : ۲۳“Whoever intends to do a good deed, We will increase its goodness for him. Indeed, Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Appreciative.” —Surah al-Shura: 23

The Meaning of Raising Children—Two Responsibilities

The responsibility of raising children is shared equally by the parents, and both fulfill it together. Raising children means fulfilling two kinds of responsibility.
First: serving in the care and upbringing of the child.
Second: providing the money required for raising the child.
The first responsibility means paying attention to children’s growth, protecting and supervising them, and arranging for their health and comfort. This service must be provided until they are able to eat and drink on their own. The mother will nurse and supervise the child. Even after weaning, she must continue to supervise the child until adulthood and consider its physical and moral needs, so that, through proper upbringing, it can acquire a sense of human responsibility and become capable of being raised properly.
The second responsibility means bearing all the child’s expenses from birth until reaching maturity. All expenses for food, clothing, housing, care, physical health, education, and training must be borne.

Division of Responsibilities

Although the first responsibility—the service of caring for and raising the child—is shared by both parents, naturally the greater burden falls on the mother. Islam has also granted this right to the mother. It is likewise the mother’s responsibility, under normal circumstances, to nurse her child for two years.
The second responsibility, that of meeting expenses, is assigned exclusively to the father. Allah has exempted the mother from this responsibility so that she may remain with the children at all times and devote herself to fulfilling her share of the responsibility properly and efficiently.

A Mother’s Service in Raising Children Is Her True Distinction

The true field of a mother’s efforts is her home, and her real distinction is to provide excellent care and service in looking after and raising the child. Islam has entrusted this very service to her. This is the true field of her success and her real distinction. She will be called to account for it on the Day of Resurrection. The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

والمرأة راعية في بيت زوجها ومسئولة عن رعيتها – بخاری، مسلم“A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and is responsible for those under her care. She will be questioned about the people and things placed under her supervision.” —Bukhari and Muslim

Whenever and wherever a woman has been removed from her proper sphere and drawn into the outside field, and burdened with external responsibilities beyond her innate duties under the illusion of extraordinary progress, family life has been destroyed. Disaster like that of the Day of Resurrection has also arisen in the outside world, and the lives of children have become desolate and ruined. Yet Allah has not assigned this responsibility to them. In the dreamlike desire for progress, women have accepted two kinds of responsibility.
In countries where this experiment has not yet ended, women are sweating with exertion to fulfill the desires of their hearts, and society is running blindly along this path. But those who have completed the experiment of this terrible civilization are suffering its bitter fruits. Ashamed of what they have done, they are thinking of returning. Arnold Toynbee, the great Western thinker of the modern age, wrote: “The eras of human history that have fallen into decline are those in which women have taken their steps beyond the four walls of the home.” Dr. Jude wrote: “If women remain content to look after their homes and fulfill the responsibility of raising children, I have complete confidence that this world will become a symbol of Paradise.” The greatest guide, Hazrat Muhammad Mustafa, peace and blessings be upon him, warned his ummah long ago that an era would come that would be very bad for them—an era in which they would come under the control of their wives and the reins of their collective affairs would be placed in their hands. He also said:

إِذَا كَانَ أَمَرَ أَنكُم شراركُمْ وَأَغْنِيَاءكُم بِخَلاتُكُمْ وَأَمركم إلى نساءكم
فَبَطْنُ الأَرْضِ خَيرٌ لكم من ظهرها – مشكوة باب تغير الناس“When your rulers and officials are wicked, your wealthy are miserly, and your affairs are entrusted to women, then the bosom of the earth will be better for you than its surface.” —Mishkat

The beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, told the women of his ummah that if they continued to fulfill their innate duties properly and well, they would be with him in Paradise. In other words, their innate and household responsibilities are extremely important and valuable in Allah’s sight. These responsibilities must never be regarded as insignificant. Only those women who sincerely fulfill their true responsibility are successful. Women who take the burden of external responsibilities upon their shoulders and wish to stand alongside men in every field can never succeed. The beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

أيما امرأة قعدت على بيت أولادها فهي مَعِي فِي الْجَنَّةِ – كنز العمال“Any woman who remains in her home to look after her children will be with me in Paradise.” —Kanz al-Ummal

What greater good fortune and success could there be for women than to be with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, in Paradise? Every woman can attain this good fortune if she looks after her children, performs the household tasks, and fulfills her true responsibility. In reality, Allah created a woman’s physical constitution, her particular pure emotions, her special moral qualities, and her distinctive temperament suited to this work. To separate her from this natural work and assign her other work is nothing but injustice.

The Most Honorable Work for Women

To regard household work as degrading, childrearing as dishonorable, and participation in public affairs outside the home as progress is nothing but a mistaken notion. Islam has certainly granted you the right to participate in public affairs within certain limits. But it has not granted you the right to regard your innate responsibility as dishonorable, abandon it, and consider fulfilling external responsibilities to be progress. The true development of human civilization and culture means building an advanced human society. To build such a society, it is essential to fulfill the responsibility of raising children and produce people of excellent character and pure nature. A pure society can be formed only through good people. No one but women can carry out this work. Good people are raised in good laps. For this reason, Islam has called your work the most honorable work. In Islam’s view, your work is jihad, and the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, described jihad as the pinnacle of the religion. The beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to Hazrat Mu’adh, may Allah be pleased with him:

ألا أدلك برأس الأمر وعموده وذروة سنامه ؟ قُلْتُ بَلَى يَا رَسُولَ الله ! قَالَ رَأس الأمر الإسلام وعموده الصلوة وذروة سنامه الجهاد – ترمذى“Shall I tell you about the head of the religion, its pillar, and its pinnacle?” I said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah!” He said, “The head of the religion is submission, its pillar is prayer, and its pinnacle is jihad.”

In light of this teaching, if you devote yourself to looking after the home and raising children, then you are in the field of jihad, and in Allah’s sight your rank is equal to that of a mujahid.
It is narrated from Hazrat Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

عَلَيْكُنَّ بِالْبَيْتِ فَإِنَّهُ جِهَادُكُن – مسند احمد ج ۲“You should remain devoted to the home, for that is your jihad.”

Not Remarrying for the Sake of the Children

If a woman’s husband dies, remarriage is not only permissible for her but also commendable. But if a woman does not remarry for the sake of her own children and sacrifices her beauty and youth for the orphaned children of her deceased husband, then her deed will be so commendable and acceptable that she will be with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, on the Day of Resurrection.

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنَا وَامْرَأَةُ سَفَعَاءُ الخَدِّينِ كَهَاتَيْنِ يوم القيمة وأوما يزيد بن زريع إلى الوسطى والسبابة امرأة أمت من زوجها ذات منصب وجمال حبست نفسها علَى يَتَامَاهَا حَتَّى بَانُوا أَوْ مَاتُوا—The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “On the Day of Resurrection, I and a woman whose cheeks have been scorched by worry will be together like these two fingers.” (Yazid ibn Zurayʿ pointed to his middle and index fingers.) That is, a woman whose husband has died, who is of noble birth and beautiful, but refrains from remarrying for the sake of properly raising her orphaned children, until those children become independent of her guardianship or depart this world.”

The term for a woman deprived of a husband can have two meanings. First, one whose husband has died. Second, one whose husband has divorced her. Linguistically, ayyim refers to a person deprived of a marital bond. A man may be without a marital bond, and so may a woman. Here the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, praised the action of a man or woman without a spouse—namely, that the woman does not remarry for the sake of orphaned children. Therefore, the widow is mentioned here as the natural case. But if a woman is divorced by her husband and, for some reason, a child comes under her care, then if she does not remarry for the child’s sake, it may be hoped that she too will receive that reward.

Childrearing and the Female Companions

The female Companions who believed in the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, and immersed themselves in his guidance, loved every instruction and teaching of the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, with all their lives and hearts, and fulfilled the right of acting upon them solely to attain Allah’s pleasure. These women of lofty spirit, may Allah be pleased with them, also fulfilled the responsibility of raising children. For the sake of their children, they sacrificed every comfort, hope, desire, beauty, and youth. In reality, they had properly absorbed the teachings of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him.

A Mother Who Fulfilled the Responsibility of Childrearing

“May Allah grant my mother the best reward. She fulfilled the responsibility of raising and caring for me.” The special attendant of the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, Hazrat Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, said these words about his mother.
Anas’s mother, Umm Sulaym, was particularly famous by her kunya. Her actual name was Rumayla or Sahla, and her title was Rumaysa. Her father’s name was Malhan. She was connected with the Najjar clan of the Ansar.
She married a young man from her own clan, Malik ibn al-Nadr. Hazrat Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, was born from this marriage. When Hazrat Anas was still a child, Umm Sulaym became Muslim.
Umm Sulaym loved her young son with all her heart. When she taught the child the Kalimah, Malik ibn al-Nadr would become very angry. At last, in anger, he left for Syria.
In Syria, one of his enemies found an opportunity and killed him, and Umm Sulaym became a widow while still young. Marriage proposals then began to arrive. But she rejected every proposal, saying: “I will not marry until my son is capable of sitting and speaking in gatherings. When Anas himself agrees to my marriage, then I will marry.”
Umm Sulaym was a young woman, and Anas was a child. Umm Sulaym was distressed. But it was unbearable to her that the harsh treatment of a stepfather should cause any hurt to the child’s heart.
When Hazrat Anas became a young man, Abu Talha sent a proposal. But how could she accept it? Abu Talha was not a Muslim. Therefore, she rejected the proposal. Yet this rejection was full of wisdom, so that Abu Talha’s eyes might be opened. Umm Sulaym said:

يا أبا طلحة الست تعلم أن الهك الذي تعيد نبت مِنَ الْأَرْضِ قَالَ بَلَى قَالَت
أفلا تستحيي تعبد شجرة – اصابه ج دوم و مسند احمد“Abu Talha, do you not know that what you worship as a god grows out of the earth?” He said, “Yes, I know.” Umm Sulaym then said, “Do you not feel ashamed to worship a tree?” —Al-Isabah and Musnad Ahmad

Hearing this, Abu Talha fell into thought. He left at that time, but the darkness in his heart began to disappear. A few days later he came to Umm Sulaym and embraced Islam. When Umm Sulaym saw that Allah had blessed Abu Talha with the wealth of Islam, she said, without caring about his helplessness or poverty, “Abu Talha, I accept your proposal. My dowry is your Islam.” This marriage of Umm Sulaym took place because of the proper upbringing of the good child for whose sake she had refused marriage all those years. Hazrat Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, used to say that his mother’s dowry was extraordinary.
The extent to which this righteous wife’s status was beloved in Allah’s sight can be understood from the following description of the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him:

دخلت الجنَّةَ فَسَمِعتُ خَشَفَةً فَقُلْتُ مَا هذَا فَقِيلَ الرميصاء بنت ملحان –
صحيح مسلم ج دوم وطبقات ابن سعد ج هشتم“I entered Paradise and heard a sound. I asked, ‘What is this sound?’ It was said, ‘This is the sound of Rumaysa, the daughter of Malhan.’” —Muslim and Tabaqat Ibn Sa’d

Unparalleled Sacrifice for Raising Children

Who among the female Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, was dearer to the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, than anyone else? Yet when the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, proposed marriage to Umm Hani, the daughter of his uncle Abu Talib, she excused herself because the female Companions had fully absorbed the teaching that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, had given them about the importance of raising children. Consider what Umm Hani said to the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him when she declined. It will make clear how important childrearing was to the female Companions. Umm Hani said:
“O Messenger of Allah, you are dearer to me than these two eyes of mine. But a husband’s rights are very great. I fear that if I marry and fulfill my husband’s right of service, I will not be able to fulfill the rights of these jewels of my heart—my children. And if I remain occupied in serving my children, I will not be able to fulfill my husband’s rights.” —Tabaqat Ibn Sa’d, account of Umm Hani
This was the fortunate Umm Hani in whose home the Noble Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, bathed and offered the Duha prayer on the day of the conquest of Makkah. Because of their ties of kinship, Umm Hani had given two polytheists refuge in her home, and the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, also granted them protection. —Musnad Ahmad

Mother’s Milk from the Islamic Perspective

In raising a child, the mother naturally nurses the child. This is a familiar custom and practice. It is the beloved child’s right over the mother, and it is also a demand of motherhood. Nursing a child with its mother’s milk is a well-known custom and ordinary practice in society. Moreover, every mother regards nursing her own child as a natural and innate responsibility. Carrying the child in her womb, giving birth to it, and nursing it for its growth are innate dispositions of every mother. The Holy Qur’an states:

والوالدت يرضعن أولادهن حولين كاملين لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يَتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ“Mothers shall nurse their children for two complete years, for those who wish to complete the nursing term.” —Surah al-Baqarah: 233

This verse actually commands those mothers to breastfeed whose husbands have divorced them or who have separated from their husbands through khula. The child has an innate right to its mother’s milk, and the child is not only the father’s but also a piece of the mother’s heart. Therefore, the mother should not vent her anger against the child’s father upon the child or deprive the child of its right. Since the Holy Qur’an commands women who have separated from their husbands not to refuse to breastfeed their children, it is clear that breastfeeding is a right and a Shariah duty of the mother. But how can it be that a woman separated from her husband is commanded to breastfeed, while a woman living with her husband is not given this command? Since both are mothers of the child, the same kind of instruction applies in both situations. This guidance was given in the Holy Qur’an out of concern that the child might be deprived of its right to breast milk because its mother had separated from her husband. The reason the Holy Qur’an does not give a separate instruction regarding mothers living with their husbands is that breastfeeding one’s own child is a common practice, and every mother, under the influence of her innate emotions, breastfeeds her own child and experiences peace of mind and spiritual joy. Thus, this instruction is also clearly understood from this verse of the Holy Qur’an. Therefore, the Qur’an has not described this issue as a permanent legal obligation. Rather, it has described it as a natural responsibility and general practice, adopting the principle that just as every mother bears the burden of her child and accepts the labor of giving birth, she likewise feeds the child the blood of her own heart for two years.

حملته أنه كرها ووضعته كرها ، وحمله وفصله ثلثون شهراً“His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning took thirty months.” — Surah al-Ahqaf: 15

This verse acknowledges three great favors of the mother.

First: She endured hardship to carry him in her womb.
Second: She endured hardship to give birth to him.
Third: She fed him her own milk.

The claim of these three unparalleled favors is that the mother has three times more rights than the father. The Holy Qur’an has mentioned this indirectly, and the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, explained it as its interpreter in the following manner:

“A Companion asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Who has the greatest right to my good treatment?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Who comes after my mother?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The Companion asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked again, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’” — Bukhari and Muslim

From this account in the Qur’an and Sunnah, it is known that every child’s mother has three times more rights over him. This is because the mother naturally performs three acts for her child: she carries him in her womb for nine months, enduring hardship upon hardship; then she gives birth to him, risking her life; and thereafter she feeds him the blood of her own heart for two years. These are the innate and familiar acts of every mother. Through these acts, the Holy Qur’an has explained with great wisdom the mother’s attraction toward and favor to the child, making clear that the mother has three times more rights than the father.

Islam is a natural religion. Therefore, Islam does not cast anyone into unnecessary hardship. Normally, a mother should breastfeed for two years. However, if for some reason it becomes necessary to wean the child before two years are complete, Islam does not make breastfeeding for the full two years obligatory. Likewise, if a woman is ill or weak and there is a fear that her health may deteriorate further, she is permitted, in view of her circumstances, not to breastfeed. But refusing to breastfeed merely for fashion, without any real difficulty or necessity, is regarded as interference with the child’s rights and an act of a hard heart.

Those women who, influenced by the glitter of modern civilization, do not breastfeed their children, or deprive them of their own milk out of fear that breastfeeding will spoil their beauty, youth, and charm and destroy their youth—although such a woman is a mother, she is deprived of a mother’s affection, emotion, and heart. No milk can ever be a substitute for a mother’s milk for a child. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, issued a stern warning against women motivated by such ideas. The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, warned women who deprived their own children of breastfeeding through such objectionable activities of extremely terrible consequences. While describing the event of the Night of the Mi‘raj, the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

ثم انطلق بي فَإِذَا بِنِسَاء تَنهش تديَهُنَّ الْحَيَّاتُ قُلْتُ مَا بَالُ هَؤُلَاءِ قَبْلَ هُؤُلاء
يمنعن أولادهن البانهن – ترغيب وترهيب“Then I was taken farther onward, and suddenly I saw some women whose breasts were being bitten by snakes. I asked, ‘Who are these women?’ It was said, ‘They are the women who did not breastfeed their own children.’” — Targhib wa Tarhib

The Shariah and Moral Importance of a Mother’s Milk

A mother’s milk is a natural food for a child. It provides the child with complete health and strength. But it is not merely physical nourishment; it is also spiritual and moral nourishment. Breast milk has a profound effect on a child’s heart, emotions, character, and actions. By breastfeeding her child, the mother does not merely provide nutritious food; with every drop of milk, she continually conveys her pure thoughts, lofty emotions, elevated hopes and aspirations, and praiseworthy character into the child’s body and soul. By nature, the child absorbs all these things along with its mother’s milk. From a moral perspective, a mother’s milk is extremely important. The effect of every kind of food necessarily appears in a person’s character and actions, but since milk is a person’s primary food, its importance is also greater.

If, for some reason, a child does not receive its own mother’s milk and must be breastfed by an unfamiliar woman, care should be taken that the woman who breastfeeds it is physically healthy, satisfactory in purity and cleanliness, praiseworthy in her emotions, feelings, and thoughts, trustworthy in character and actions, and good in habits and disposition, so that the child may acquire good character from her.

The principal reason for the extraordinary relationship and deep love that develop between a mother and child is milk. Mothers who do not breastfeed their children do not feel for them the attraction that develops solely through breastfeeding. If they complain of alienation and a cold relationship with their children, they themselves are responsible. Since they did not strengthen affection, love, and spiritual attachment by holding the child to their warm breast during the first two years of its life, this is naturally the result.

In Islamic Shariah, the importance of milk has not merely been acknowledged; it has been given such importance that the laws of halal and haram have been established on its basis. In Arabic, breastfeeding is called rada‘ah. Islam regards rada‘ah as nearly deserving the same respect as lineage. If, for some reason, a child drinks the milk of an unrelated woman, a rada‘ah relationship is established between the child and that woman. The woman who breastfeeds the child becomes its milk mother. The status of a milk mother is almost like that of one’s own mother. Because of this breastfeeding, not only does the woman become the milk mother; her husband becomes the child’s milk father, and her children become the child’s milk siblings. In Shariah, these relationships have nearly the same status as relationships by lineage. In fact, marriage between such relatives becomes forbidden in the same way that it is forbidden among relatives by blood. It is stated in the Holy Qur’an:

وأُمَّهَاتُكُمُ الَّتِي أَرضَعْنَكُم وَأَخَوَاتُكُم من الرضاعة – النساء : ٢٣“And your mothers who nursed you and your sisters through nursing.” — al-Nisa’: 23

That is, those relatives who become forbidden because of their relationship through one’s biological parents also become forbidden because of the relationship through milk parents. As its interpreter, the Noble Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, stated the ruling:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ حَرَّمَ مِنَ الرَّضَاعَةِ مَا حَرَّمَ مِنَ النَّسب – صحيح مسلم“Allah has made forbidden through breastfeeding those relatives whom He has made forbidden through lineage.” — Sahih Muslim

The importance given to breastfeeding in Shariah is such that if an uninformed man and woman marry while a nursing relationship exists between them, that marriage will be terminated solely on the testimony of one woman, and once the nursing relationship becomes known, it will not be lawful for those two people to remain as husband and wife even for a moment.

Uqbah ibn al-Harith, may Allah be pleased with him, married a woman. After the marriage, a woman came and said, “I have breastfed both of you.” Uqbah asked the wife’s relatives about the matter, but they denied knowing anything about it. Finally, Uqbah, may Allah be pleased with him, went to the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and explained the whole matter. After hearing it, the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “How can you remain together now?” Uqbah, may Allah be pleased with him, divorced the woman, and she married another man. — Sahih Bukhari

The Boundless Value of Breastfeeding

In view of the extraordinary importance and immense moral and spiritual benefits of breastfeeding one’s child, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, both issued a stern warning against those who do not breastfeed and encouraged them. Addressing Muslim women, he said that by breastfeeding the piece of their hearts, they would not only receive its reward in this world; in the life of the Hereafter they would also be granted immeasurable reward and recompense. The beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

وإِن لها من أول رضعة ترضعه أجر حياة نسمة – كنز العمال“For her first suckling of the child, she receives the reward of giving life to a human being.” — Kanz al-‘Ummal

Moreover, the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, compared a breastfeeding woman to the mujahid who remains continuously engaged in guarding in the path of Allah. If that woman dies during this period, she receives the reward of martyrdom.

Breast Milk from Medical and Psychological Perspectives

Breast milk is also extraordinarily beneficial from medical and psychological perspectives. Medical and psychological experts have written in detail on this subject. Here we will present portions of a research article from a health and medical research organization. This quotation will make it possible to understand what medical and psychological specialists have thought about the matter and what benefit you and your descendants receive from the right that Islam has encouraged you to claim.

“Many demands of modern civilization are taking us far away from many natural laws. Many pregnant women wonder whether they should feed their child their own milk or cow’s milk. For their information, it is necessary to state that cow’s milk can never be a substitute for breast milk. If you want to protect your child from all kinds of allergies, stomach pain, and indigestion, breastfeed it.

After the child is born, the mother’s body quickly returns to health once she begins breastfeeding. In addition, the weakness of a premature child is also removed through breast milk.”

The Story of a Mother

A woman’s child was born six weeks before the appointed time. A hospital nurse tightly wrapped a bandage around her body. The woman asked the nurse, “Why did you put on this bandage?”

The nurse said, “It has been applied so that your milk will not come in.”

“But I want to breastfeed my child.”

“You will not be able to breastfeed,” said the nurse. “Because your child was born before the appointed time, it is weak. You will have to remain separated from it for several weeks.”

“Doctor!” The woman, disappointed with the nurse, said, “Can you help me? I want to breastfeed my child.”

The doctor said sternly, “You know that your child was born some time ago.”

“That is precisely why I want to breastfeed it. I want strength to be infused immediately into that weak body and for it to remain alive.”

“That question does not arise.”

“If you want to breastfeed it, we will have to extract your milk by some means. Are you prepared for that?”

Because of her affection, the mother was prepared. Her milk was extracted with an electric device. At times, as much as eleven ounces of milk would be extracted. Other children in the hospital also drank this milk. When the mother was discharged from the hospital, the child was kept there because it weighed less than six pounds. At home, the mother expressed her milk with a pump and sent it to the hospital for the child. In the meantime, the child became five weeks old, and she brought it home.

Among our fashion-conscious class, very few women can be found who insist on breastfeeding their child like the woman mentioned above. This woman had seen the condition of her friends with her own eyes. She knew that bottle-fed children constantly suffer from stomach pain. Although her child had been born prematurely, it soon returned to normal condition, and the weakness felt at first was immediately removed.

Breast Milk and Health

In countries where mothers are reluctant to breastfeed their children in response to the demands of modern civilization, health standards are declining and children are being deprived of the character of their parents.

During the first few days, a substance called colostrum is mixed into the mother’s milk. This colostrum gives the child strong vitality. The amount of vitamin A found in it is not available later, and its quantity gradually decreases. Therefore, at the beginning, the mother must breastfeed her child. The child does not receive this vitamin in the mother’s womb, so it must obtain it at the beginning of life. Colostrum also protects newborn children from attacks by germs from outside.

Newborn children are at risk of coughs and pneumonia. If they receive colostrum, the risk of contracting these diseases decreases. Most of the children who die within one month of birth die because of a deficiency of colostrum.

Modern Research

Researchers agree that the best way to protect newborn children from every kind of hardship is to breastfeed them. This food fulfills their need for medicine. Most of the illnesses children suffer during the early part of life are caused by food.

On reflection, it becomes clear that animals are entirely different from human beings in this matter. Cow’s milk is highly suitable for its calf because the calf must stand on its own feet very quickly. It needs somewhat more physical strength than mental ability. A human child does not need to walk and move about immediately after birth; it must develop mental abilities. Mother’s milk serves as the ideal substance for acquiring these abilities.

Human milk contains four percent fat, whereas seal milk contains forty percent fat. The matter is clear: the seal’s body soon needs a layer of fat. With the help of this fat, it survives the cold of ice and ice-filled water. On the other hand, rabbit’s milk contains somewhat more protein—ten times more than human milk. This is why a rabbit’s young grows rapidly. In only six days, its weight doubles from its birth weight. A human child takes six months for its weight to double. This is the law of nature.

The Harm of Feeding Milk Other Than the Mother’s

According to modern understanding, high blood pressure does not first develop at an advanced age; rather, it begins in childhood. Its greatest cause is the increased sodium in cow’s milk. One of the reasons for the increase in heart disease among fashion-conscious nations is drinking milk other than breast milk. According to a survey, the number of mothers who breastfeed in America has fallen by half. In one British city, the figure declined from 77 percent to 36 percent, and in France, over five years, the number of children who were not breastfed rose from 31 percent to 51 percent. The fact is that nature has made the milk of every mammal suitable only for its own offspring.

Affection

A child who is breastfed while held against its mother’s breast receives, in addition to milk, a feeling of security near its mother. This feeling remains awake throughout its life and, psychologically, helps make the child a good person. This relationship through milk creates an unbreakable bond between mother and child. This bond and relationship of affection and tenderness cannot be purchased in a marketplace.

Psychiatrists say that one of the main reasons for the increasing number of mental illnesses is that people today are deprived of maternal affection. Modern civilization is erecting an artificial wall between mother and child. A lifeless glass or plastic bottle filled with animal milk cannot replace a mother’s soft arms and milk that is complete in every respect. Moreover, nothing can equal the peace a mother experiences while breastfeeding.

Bearing the Cost of Raising Children

The second aspect of raising a child is bearing its expenses. Islam has placed this responsibility solely upon the father. This is because Allah has assigned men the responsibility of striving for a livelihood and providing the necessities of life. For this purpose, Allah has also given them physical, mental, and moral strength. Men have been given greater physical health, capacity for hard labor, courage, firmness, thoughtfulness, and physical and moral strength than women, because these strengths and abilities were more necessary for their particular responsibility. Allah has relieved women of the duty of striving for a livelihood and assigned them responsibility for the home. For this reason, women have been given the appropriate qualities. In short, men and women have been given different abilities and assigned the responsibility of properly fulfilling their respective duties.

Meaning of Bearing the Expenses

The responsibility of bearing the expenses means that the father must bear every kind of expense for the child from birth until the child reaches adulthood: the expenses of birth, food and drink, clothing and covering, care and supervision, health and comfort, payment to another woman if it becomes necessary for her to breastfeed the child, and payment to the child’s mother if she is divorced and breastfeeds the child. In short, it is the father’s Shariah duty to bear every expense required for raising and developing the child. If the father is financially well-off, paying the child’s sadaqah and fitrah is also wajib upon him, while offering the aqiqah is mustahabb.

Expenses and the Father’s Emotions

The father fulfills this right of the child with great generosity. After spending without hesitation the wealth for which he has worked to the point of sweating, when he sees his child happy, all his hardships disappear. The longing of his paternal affection is soothed, and he becomes overwhelmed with joy. Allah has bestowed a great favor upon the father and child by creating in the father’s heart a boundless emotion of paternal love. Without this natural affection and tenderness, bearing a child’s expenses merely as a duty would have been very difficult, and very few people would have been able to fulfill this responsibility. Consequently, raising children would have become a serious problem in human society, and children would generally have been deprived of proper upbringing. It is also a great favor of Allah to the child that He created affection and tenderness in the hearts of the parents and assigned them the beautiful responsibility of raising the child.

Expenses and Religious Duty

A Muslim father bears his child’s expenses because of his natural love. At the same time, he believes that bearing the expenses of raising a child is also a religious duty. Allah has entrusted him with the responsibility of caring for the child. By bearing the child’s expenses, he fulfills his paternal emotions on the one hand, while on the other he expresses to Allah his hope of receiving an abundant reward for this good deed in the Hereafter.

When this powerful consideration combines with natural love for the child, bearing the expenses of raising the child becomes a means of success in the Hereafter. Thus, when the meaning of bearing the expenses of raising a child is beautified by this noble aim, fulfilling the responsibility becomes very easy. A Muslim father performs this duty, considering it obligatory, in order to attain salvation in the Hereafter and Allah’s pleasure. He accepts the hardest labor and makes great sacrifices to raise the child, and feels happy that the trust Allah placed upon him has not been wasted. By spending money on raising the child, he feels that, at Allah’s command, he has spent in the path of Allah.

Abu Mas‘ud al-Badri, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إذا أنفق الرَّجُلُ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ نَفَقَةً يَحْسِبُهَا فَهِي لَهُ صَدَقَةٌ – متفق عليه، رياض
الصالحين ص ١٥٢“When a man spends on his family, intending reward for it, it is charity for him.” — Agreed upon by Bukhari and Muslim

To do something with ihtisab means to do it solely for Allah’s pleasure and the reward of the Hereafter, and not for any other purpose.

A Noble Example

When Ibrahim, the youngest son in the household of the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was born, his slave Abu Rafi‘ brought him the good news. The Prophet immediately freed a slave out of joy. On the seventh day, he performed the aqiqah and had the child’s hair cut. He donated silver equal to the weight of the hair in the path of Allah.

Many women of the Ansar offered to breastfeed the child. From among them, he selected Khawlah bint Zayd al-Ansariyyah for this service and entrusted Ibrahim to her. In return for this service, she was given several date palms.

Aqiqah

Performing aqiqah for a child is Sunnah. The beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, performed aqiqah for his own children and encouraged others to perform it as well. However, it must be clearly kept in mind that aqiqah is purely a mustahabb charity. It is not an obligatory fard. If someone does not perform aqiqah, there is no sin upon him. If the father is financially well-off, performing aqiqah is better. Aqiqah is a charity for the child’s life. Through aqiqah, calamities and hardships are removed, and the child is protected from misfortunes and dangers. The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

رَأْسَهُ . بح عنه يوم سابعه ويُسمّى فِيهِ وَيُخلق كل غلام رهين بحقيقته تذبح عنه يوم .
جامع ترمذی“Every child is held in pledge in exchange for his aqiqah. An animal should be slaughtered on his behalf on the seventh day; on that day he should be named and his head should be shaved.” — Tirmidhi

Aqiqah properly refers to the animal slaughtered as charity on the seventh day after a newborn’s birth. If possible, two male or female goats should be slaughtered on behalf of a son, and one on behalf of a daughter. However, slaughtering two goats for a son’s aqiqah is not obligatory. One female goat or one male goat may also be slaughtered. In reality, this is a charity for the child’s life, and the child’s life remains held in pledge in exchange for it. Therefore, performing aqiqah is a virtuous act. But the condition is that one’s financial circumstances must be comfortable.

عن على بن أبي طَالِبٍ قَالَ عَى رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ عَنِ الحسن بشَاةٍ وقال يا فاطمة : اخْلِقى رأسه وتصدقي بِزَنَةِ شَعْرِه فِضة فوزناه فكان وزنه برهما أو بعض درهم – جامع ترمذی“It is narrated from Ali ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) sacrificed one goat on behalf of Hasan (may Allah be pleased with him) for his aqiqah and said, ‘Fatimah, shave his head and give charity equal to the weight of his hair in silver.’ We weighed his hair, and its weight was one dirham or a little less.” —Tirmidhi

This hadith shows that sacrificing one goat on behalf of a boy is also permissible. If Allah has given someone wealth and he wishes to sacrifice two animals, he may gladly do so. However, it must be remembered that sacrificing two animals for a boy is not obligatory; one is sufficient.

Aqiqah should be performed on the seventh day after birth. If it cannot be performed on the seventh day for some reason, it may be performed on the fourteenth or twenty-first day, or even later.

Aqiqah is a Sunnah celebration. It should be observed very simply, with the intention of following the Sunnah. Special care must be taken that this Sunnah practice is not polluted by display, pride, customs, and conventions. Those who arrange music and wasteful extravagance in various forms at this Sunnah celebration deceive themselves and seek to deceive their Lord. Eliminating the Sunnah in the name of the Sunnah is the gravest of sins. In such an aqiqah, hoping to receive reward is difficult indeed. Rather, this causes pain in the heart of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and Allah becomes displeased.

Circumcision

Circumcision is the Sunnah of all the prophets (peace be upon them) and an Islamic practice. It is narrated from Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

الفطرة خمس الختان والاستحداد، ونتف الابط، وقص الشارب وتعليم الأظفار – الادب المفرد ص ۱۸۸“Five practices are included among natural cleanliness: circumcision, removing the hair below the navel, removing the underarm hair, trimming the moustache, and cutting the nails.”

Al-fitrah means a beautiful nature or disposition. That is, these five practices are signs of purity. Since ancient times, these five things have been regarded as the Sunnah of the prophets. All the prophets observed them, and they have been practiced by consensus in the law of every prophet.

If a child is not very weak, he should be circumcised on the seventh day after birth. This has two benefits. First, at that time the child’s skin is soft and thin, so it heals quickly. Second, the indication in the hadith of the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) regarding circumcision on the seventh day is fulfilled. Salman ibn Amir (may Allah be pleased with him) said, ‘I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say:’

معَ الغُلَامِ عَقِيقَةُ فَأَهْرٍ قُوا عَنْهُ دما وأميطُوا عنه الأذى – بخاري“With a newborn there is an aqiqah; so shed blood on his behalf and remove from him the impurity.” —Bukhari

Removing the impurity means having the hair cut and giving the child a bath, and so on. According to some scholars, circumcision is also included in this instruction, because circumcision likewise removes impurity and is for attaining purity.

Therefore, circumcision should be performed on the seventh day. If that is not possible for some reason, it should be done within forty days. Alternatively, it may be performed at any time; there is no difficulty in that. Two matters must, however, be kept in mind.

First, it should not be delayed excessively. It is better to circumcise the child within seven years, because afterward the skin becomes thicker and the procedure causes more pain. Second, this Sunnah must be observed very simply, without great pomp. If circumstances permit, friends may be invited and fed in happiness at fulfilling this Sunnah. But turning it into a permanent festival and considering expenditure for display necessary is not consistent with the nature of Islam. Making something obligatory upon oneself without cause, then becoming burdened and creating hardship for oneself, is equivalent to disobeying the Shariah.

A man once invited Uthman ibn Abil-As (may Allah be pleased with him) to attend a circumcision celebration at his home, but he did not attend. When he was asked why he had not gone, he said, ‘In the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), we neither attended circumcision celebrations nor were we invited to them.’

It is best to observe this Sunnah very simply, so that it does not become an unnecessary burden on people. However, if the child’s father is well-off and, thinking that Allah has enabled him to fulfill this Sunnah, wishes to feed some people or distribute sweets, there is no harm in that. Special care must nevertheless be taken that it does not become a customary practice.

Payment to the Wet Nurse

The father is responsible for paying the woman who breastfeeds the child. If the father has divorced the child’s mother or she has obtained a khula, it is better for the child to be breastfed by his mother, and the mother should not deprive the child of her milk. In this situation, the child’s father is obligated to provide the mother’s maintenance and must arrange her food and clothing.

If the mother is absent or, for some reason, another woman must breastfeed the child, paying her remains the father’s Shariah responsibility. If the father dies, the child’s grandfather or any guardian of the child becomes responsible for paying the nursing fee. The Holy Quran says:

والوالدت يرضعن أولادهن حولين كاملين لمَنْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ . وعلى المولودله رزقهن وكسوتهن بالمعروف ، لا تُكَلِّفُ نَفْس إلا وسعها : لا تضار والدة بولدها ولا مولود له بولده وعلى الوارث مثلُ ذَلِكَ ، فَإِنْ أراد فصالاً عن تراض منهما وتشاور فَلا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا ، وَإِنْ أَرَدتُّمْ أَن تسترضعوا أولادكم فلا جناح عليكم إِذا سلمتم ما أتيتُم بالمعروف . واتَّقُوا الله واعلموا أن الله بما تعملون بصير البقرة : ٢٣٣“Mothers shall breastfeed their children for two complete years, for those who wish to complete the nursing period. The father of the child shall provide their food and clothing in a fair manner. No soul shall be burdened beyond its capacity. No mother shall be harmed through her child, nor a father through his child. The heir bears the same responsibility. If both parties desire weaning by mutual consent and consultation, there is no blame upon them. And if you wish to have your children nursed by another woman, there is no blame upon you, provided that you pay what you have agreed upon in a fair manner. Fear Allah and know that Allah sees all that you do.” —Surah al-Baqarah, 233

This verse provides seven basic instructions concerning breastfeeding:

One: Mothers should generally breastfeed their children for two years.

Two: Mothers who have become separated from the father for any reason should also breastfeed their children for the full term. Yes, if the child’s father wishes the full term of breastfeeding to be completed, it must be completed.

Three: During the breastfeeding period, the child’s father must bear the cost of the child’s mother’s food and clothing.

Four: If the child’s father is absent, the grandfather or whoever is the child’s guardian is responsible for paying for the breastfeeding.

Five: No one may be burdened beyond his or her capacity. On the one hand, the mother must not be harassed by being forced, through her love for the child, to breastfeed; therefore, she must not be paid less. On the other hand, the father must not be distressed by excessive payment demands.

Six: If the child’s parents wish to wean the child before two years by mutual consent and consultation, there is no difficulty in that.

Seven: If the mother does not wish to breastfeed the child for some reason, it is permissible to have another woman breastfeed the child. Her payment must, of course, be fixed and given properly.

These seven basic instructions were given not merely for recitation but for practice. Only those who cultivate two fundamental qualities within themselves can properly act upon them: fear of Allah and the knowledge and conviction that Allah sees everything.

Taqwa, or fear of Allah, means avoiding Allah’s displeasure and yearning to gain His pleasure. That is, out of fear of Allah, one avoids every act that causes His anger, and, inspired by love for Allah, performs sincerely every deed that brings His pleasure. Conviction that Allah observes everything is the name of a great spiritual strength. On the one hand, this strength protects a person from heedlessness, recklessness, and straying from the right path; on the other, it keeps him permanently active in seeking reward and recompense from Allah.

The Quran’s Instruction to Bear the Expenses of Children

The Holy Quran does not explicitly state, in clear words, the instruction to bear the expenses of raising children. It does not say, ‘Bear the expenses of your children,’ or, ‘Bearing your children’s expenses is obligatory.’ But this does not mean that the Quran contains no instruction to bear children’s expenses and that its emphasis appears only in hadith.

The Quran is, in reality, speech of the highest order. In presenting commands, rulings, and laws, it employs a profoundly wise style of expression. In this presentation, full attention is given to human nature, emotions, and psychological aspects.

Bearing the expenses of raising children is such a beautiful, natural, inherent, and beloved act in human society that the Holy Quran did not feel the need to describe it under the heading of a command. At the same time, it made clear with great wisdom that the father is responsible for bearing the expenses of raising the child.

The verse mentioned above says that no matter which woman the father chooses to breastfeed his child, he must provide her with food, clothing, or payment for breastfeeding. If the father is absent, this responsibility falls upon whoever is the child’s guardian. The Quran places upon you the responsibility of supporting an unrelated woman because she has breastfed your child. If an unrelated woman breastfeeds your child, properly bearing her expenses becomes your responsibility—and this is because she has breastfed your child.

If responsibility for supporting an unrelated woman who breastfeeds your child is placed upon you, how can it be possible that responsibility for supporting your child does not fall upon you? Whatever you give the nursing woman, you give in exchange for your child’s food and care. By placing the responsibility for this payment upon the father, the Quran has made clear that the father is the sole person responsible for bearing the expenses of raising the child, and the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) explained this meaning in his own words.

Bearing Children’s Expenses in the Light of Hadith

The noble hadith discusses the question of bearing the expenses of raising children from various perspectives. Keeping all these aspects in view, a Muslim can raise his children according to the requirements of the faith and secure his own success.

Initial Expenses Are for the Children

Of the wealth Allah has granted you, your children have the first claim. Spending on children is not merely a worldly or material matter; it is also a direct demand of the faith. The instruction of the faith is that the children’s needs must be fulfilled first. Fulfilling their needs is not worldliness but religious devotion.

It is not praiseworthy to give charity while depriving them of their rights, taking away what belongs to them, or leaving them dependent on someone else’s mercy. The charity that remains praiseworthy is that which leaves one financially secure and does not cause the children any hardship. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did not approve of charity that forces one’s children to ask others for the fulfillment of their needs. Nor, in the light of the faith, is it a virtuous deed for your children to look to various people while you spend on other good causes.

It is also a sign of ignorance of the faith that a person’s own children remain hungry and poorly clothed, are given only measured portions, while money is spent generously for publicity, fame, or personal comfort. The first claim upon your wealth belongs to your beloved children—even if they are the children of a wife you have divorced. In short, they are your children. Leaving them helpless or impoverished while living comfortably yourself or keeping others comfortable amounts to violating their rights. Your practice of showing generosity toward others should be corrected. The guidance of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) for you is that you should first fulfill your children’s needs:

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ خَيْرُ الصَّدَقَةِ مَا كَانَ عَنْ ظَهْرٍ غَنِيٌّ وابدأ بمن تعول – بخاري، مشكوة باب فضل الصدقة عن أبي هريرة
وحكيم بن حزام ص ۱۷۰“The best charity is that which leaves one self-sufficient, and begin with those whose support is your responsibility.” —Bukhari

This hadith gives Muslim parents a balanced and natural rule. Every person naturally wishes for his wealth to benefit his children and for them to live in comfort. This is the greatest reason for acquiring wealth and also the first and most preferred area of expenditure. Islam places special emphasis on charity; indeed, it calls it a demand of faith and describes stinginess and lack of generosity as signs of hypocrisy. At the same time, it instructs people to fulfill first the needs of those entrusted to their care. Charity while neglecting the needs of one’s children is not favored in Islam. The best charity is that after which the children do not suffer.

Neglecting Children’s Expenses Is a Grave Sin

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ كَفَى بِالْمَرْءِ إِنَّمَا أَنْ يُضِيعَ مَنْ يقوت – رياض الصالحين، ابوداود عن عبد الله بن عمر وبن العاص“The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: It is enough sin for a person that he neglects those whom he supports.”

Neglecting the support of those for whom a person has been made responsible, and harming them, is such a serious sin that it is sufficient by itself to label him disobedient to Allah and sinful. This neglect may take several forms:

He spends lavishly for fame and display but is heedless of the rights of his children. He lives in great comfort, while his children suffer from hunger and thirst.

Because he lacks a proper understanding of the faith, he spends his wealth on other good causes while neglecting to fulfill the needs of his children.

The child is caught between life and death, while he remains insensitive, moving his hands and feet without feeling and unwilling to do anything.

Bearing the expenses of children is every father’s responsibility. Lacking a sense of this responsibility and neglecting to fulfill its demands is a grave sin.

The Expenditure with the Greatest Reward

عن أبي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وسلم دينار أنفقته في سبيل الله ودينار أنفَقْتُهُ فِي رقبة ودينار تصدقت بِهِ على مسكين ودينار أنفقته على أهلك أعظمها أَجْرًا الَّذِي أَنفَقْتَهُ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ
– صحيح مسلم“Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Of one gold coin that you spend in the way of Allah, one that you spend to free a slave, one that you give in charity to a poor person, and one that you spend on your family, the greatest in reward is the one you spend on your family.”

This narration is further explained by the hadith of Thawban (may Allah be pleased with him). He said that the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The best gold coin is the one a person spends on his children, the one he spends on a mount for the path of Allah, and the one he spends on his companions in the path of Allah.” Abu Qilabah, an intermediary narrator, said that he began by mentioning expenditure on children and said, “Who can receive a greater reward than the person who spends on his young children, thereby saving them from having to beg and keeping them in a state of sufficiency?” —Jami` al-Tirmidhi

The Father Whose Face Will Shine Like the Full Moon

عن أبي هريرة قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ الله صلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَنْ طَلَبَ الدنيا خلالاً اسْتِعْفَافًا عَنِ المسئلة وسعيا عَلَى أَهْلِهِ وَتَعَطَّفًا عَلَى جَارِهِ لقى الله تعالى يوم القيمة ووجهه مثل القمَرَ لَيْلَةَ الْبَدْرِ وَمَنْ طَلَبَ الدُّنْيَا حلالاً مكاثراً مُفَاخِرًا مُرَائِيًا لقى الله تَعَالَى وَهُوَ عَلَيْهِ غَضْبَانُ – بهقى في شعب الايمان“Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Whoever seeks worldly provision through lawful means in order to preserve himself from asking others, provide for his family, and treat his neighbor well will meet Allah on the Day of Resurrection with a face shining like the full moon. But whoever seeks the world lawfully in order to accumulate more wealth than others and boast of his superiority over them will meet Allah while Allah is angry with him.”

The Reward of a Mother Who Spends on Her Children

By declaring the father solely responsible for bearing the expenses of raising children, Islam has freed the mother from the struggle to earn a livelihood so that she can fulfill her share of the responsibility with complete concentration and devotion. But this does not mean that a mother who spends on her children will be deprived of reward. If her husband has died or has become incapable and disabled, and she provides for her children, she will certainly receive the reward for her good conduct and sacrifice.

عن أم سلمةَ قَالَتْ قُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ الله هَلْ لِي فِي بَنِي أَبِي سَلَّمَةَ أَجْرٌ أَنْ أنفق عليهم ولست بتاركتهم هكذا وهكذا إِنَّمَا هُمْ بَنِي ؟ فَقَالَ نَعَمْ لَكَ أَجْرُ ما أنفقت عليهم – متفق عليه رياض الصالحين ص ١٥٢“Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated: I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, will I receive a reward for spending on the sons of Abu Salamah? I cannot leave them like this, wandering about in need. They are also my sons.’ He said, ‘Yes, you will receive a reward for whatever you spend on them.’” —Bukhari and Muslim

The first husband of Umm al-Mu’minin Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her), Abu Salamah (may Allah be pleased with him), had two sons and two daughters. It was about them that she asked the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). This hadith gives two indications. First, although a mother is not obliged to spend on her children, she will certainly receive reward for whatever she spends.

This hadith also indicates what the outlook of a believing mother should be. Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) had a natural love for the children. Therefore, she felt compelled to care for them. She herself said, ‘I cannot leave them in such a way that they wander here and there like people in need.’

At the same time, she considered whether she would receive reward in the Hereafter for this good deed. For the foundation of every act of a believer is the Hereafter. A believer cannot do anything while being heedless of success in the Hereafter.

Raising Daughters

Alongside this general guidance on raising children, Islam places special emphasis on raising daughters and particularly encourages this responsibility by promising great reward. In reality, a daughter is a vulnerable creation. Even after years of raising and supporting her, parents cannot expect any return from her, nor can they expect to receive service from her. For as soon as a daughter becomes capable of serving, she must be entrusted to serve another household.

Under such circumstances, unless Islamic teachings remain before people, they will not be able to fulfill the rights of raising a daughter or give her the affection, love, and respect she deserves. Therefore, these teachings must be repeatedly recalled. In particular, the Islamic guidance concerning the raising of daughters must be understood with seriousness.

The Blessing of Raising Daughters

It is narrated from Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

من عَالَ جَارِيَتَيْنِ حَتَّى تَبْلُغَا جَاءَ يَوْمَ الْقِيمَةِ أَنَا وَهُوَ كَهَاتَينِ وَضَمَّ أَصَابِعِهِ
رياض الصالحين، صحيح مسلم“Whoever raises two daughters until they reach maturity will come on the Day of Resurrection with me and him like these two,” and he joined his fingers together. —Riyad al-Salihin, Sahih Muslim

What greater blessing could there be for a believing mother and father than that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) will meet them on the Day of Resurrection as their companion? In this hadith, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used the word “tabluga.” The word has a very broad meaning. One of its meanings is that the two girls reach adulthood. It may also mean that they reach their destination or objective—that is, they enter their own homes under the guardianship of their husbands.

The Mother for Whom Paradise Is Guaranteed

عَنْ عَائِشَةَ رضى اللهُ عَنْهَا قَالَتْ جَاءَ تَنِي مِسْكِينَةٌ تَحْمِلُ ابْنَتَيْنِ لَهَا فاطعمتها ثلاث تمرات فأعطت كل واحدة منهما تمرة ورفعت إلى فيها تمرة لتأكلها فاستطعمتها ابنتاها فَشَقَتِ الثمرة الَّتِي كَانَتْ تُرِيدُ أَنْ تَأْكُلَهَا بَيْنَهُمَا فَأَعْجَبَنِي شَأْنُهَا فَذَكَرْتُ الَّذِي صَنَعَت لِرَسُولِ الله صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ : إِنَّ اللَّهَ قَدْ أَوْجَبَ لَهَا بِهَا الْجَنَّةَ أَوْ اعْتَقَهَا بِهَا مِنَ النَّارِ –
رياض الصالحين، صحيح مسلم“Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated: A poor woman came to me carrying her two daughters. I gave her three dates. She gave two dates to her two daughters and divided the remaining date into two portions and gave it to them. I was impressed by what she did, so I mentioned it to the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, ‘By virtue of raising these two daughters, Allah has guaranteed Paradise for her and saved her from the Fire of Hell.’”

A Daughter Is the Paradise of Her Parents

If Allah has made you the mother or father of a daughter, then you are extremely fortunate. Allah Most High has placed your Paradise under your care. Now it is your responsibility either to protect that Paradise or destroy it. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, gave this glad tiding with complete certainty: if you fulfill the rights of raising a daughter, Paradise has become obligatory for you.
Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

منْ كَانَ لَهُ ثَلاث بنات يرويهن ويكفيهن ويرحمهن فقد وجب له الجنة البتة
فقَالَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ بَعْضِ الْقَوْمِ وَثِنْتَيْنِ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ : قَالَ وَثِنْتَيْنِ –
الادب المفرد ص ١٥”Whoever has three daughters, keeps them under his guardianship, fulfills their needs, and shows them compassion, Paradise is certainly guaranteed for him.” A man from among the people asked, “O Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, what if there are two daughters?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, replied, “Even if there are two daughters, he will receive this reward.”—Al-Adab al-Mufrad

There are other hadiths conveying the same meaning in Mishkat Sharif. The narrator of that hadith was Abdullah ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him. He said that if people had asked about one daughter, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, would have given this glad tiding regarding one as well.

Bearing the Expenses of a Helpless Daughter

إن النبي صلى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ أَلا أدلُّكُمْ عَلَى أَفْضَلِ الصَّدَقَةِ ابْنَتُكَ
مردودة إِلَيْكَ لَيْسَ لَهَا كَاسب غيرك –
ابن ماجه، جمع الفوائد باب بر الاولاد”The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Shall I not tell you of the best charity? It is your daughter who has been returned to you and has no provider other than you.’”—Ibn Majah; Jami al-Fawa’id, Chapter on Kindness to Children

This actually refers to a girl who, after being married, is sent back to her parents. This may happen because of her husband’s death, when there is no one at her in-laws’ home to bear her expenses after his death, or because her husband has divorced her for some reason and she has returned to her parents. This hadith may also refer to a girl who has not married or is not of marriageable age.

A Revolution Radiant with Faith

Through all these revolutionary teachings of Islam, the faith-inspiring revolution that came to the land of Arabia within a few short years is regarded as a golden chapter of history. Only those fortunate people who were alive in that age witnessed the true picture of the blessings of this astonishing revolution. Those whose eyes and minds had observed both the sorrowful scene before the revolution and the faith-inspiring scene after it know what a revolution means. Yet even today, whenever a glimpse of that golden chapter of history appears before us, our eyes are illuminated and our faith is revitalized.
Before the era of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, in the Arab world, a father’s hardness of heart and cruelty toward his daughter were regarded as the greatest marks of honor. He preferred the death of his innocent and helpless daughter to her life. A poet of that age said:

تهوى حياتي وأهوى موتها شفقا – والْمَوْتُ أكرم نزال على الحرم—
“She desires my life, and, out of compassion for her, I desire her death. For a woman, death is the most honored guest.”

Another poet said:

إِنَّ النِّسَاءَ شَيَاطِينُ خُلِقْنَ لَنَا – فَوُذْ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شَرِّ الشَّيَاطِينِ .
“Indeed, women are devils; they were created for us. May Allah deliver us from the evil of these devils.”

Upon the death of the daughter of the chief of Bahrah, Abu Bakr al-Khwarizmi asked someone to compose an elegy: “If you had mentioned the deceased woman’s veil or recalled her beauty, congratulations would have been more appropriate for you than an elegy. For it is better that things unfit for public display remain hidden, and burying little girls is a great act of honor. We are passing through an age in which, if a man’s wife dies during his lifetime, he is as though he has gained possession of all blessings. And if he buries his own daughter in a grave with his own hands, he has taken full revenge on his son-in-law.”
Qays ibn Asim, the chief of Banu Tamim, himself declared before the Mercy to the Worlds, peace and blessings be upon him, that he had buried ten innocent daughters alive with his own hands. Another man presented the account of his grievous experience before the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, in such a way that the Messenger of Allah became distressed and wept so much that his blessed beard became wet with tears.
When that Arab society accepted Islam and understood Islamic teachings, its entire appearance changed within a few years. The very girls whose existence had been a source of shame to them became a means of salvation for them. Those who used to snatch daughters from their mothers’ laps and bury them alive began quarreling among themselves to raise the daughters of the poor.

An Astonishing Scene

When the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was preparing to return from Makkah after performing Umrah, an orphan girl came running, calling, “Uncle! Uncle!” The girl was the daughter of Hazrat Hamzah and had remained in Makkah. Hazrat Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, stepped forward, lifted the girl into his arms, and, placing her in the lap of Hazrat Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, “She is your uncle’s daughter.” Thereafter, Hazrat Ali, Hazrat Ja’far, and Hazrat Zayd, may Allah be pleased with them, began arguing with one another over taking responsibility for the girl.
Hazrat Ja’far al-Tayyar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “O Messenger of Allah! I should have this child, because she is my uncle’s daughter, and I have the greater right to her, since her maternal aunt is in my household.” Hazrat Zayd, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “O Messenger of Allah, entrust this child to me. Her father was my brother in faith.”
Hazrat Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, had been holding her from the very beginning. He said, “Sir, she is my sister and came into my lap first. Therefore, I deserve her.” This eagerness to raise the girl was truly an astonishing and heartwarming scene. The beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, carefully considered the statements of all three and entrusted the child to her maternal aunt, saying that a maternal aunt is like a mother.—Bukhari

Kind Treatment

The third right of children is that they be treated well: that kindness be shown to them, that one interact with them affectionately, pay attention to their comfort and ease, remain mindful of their emotions and feelings, try to keep them happy, and avoid behavior that hurts their feelings, breaks their hearts, causes them to lose hope, or injures their sense of dignity and self-respect.
Your beloved child, who is under your care, looks toward you seeking affection. This is a gift from Allah to you. Give thanks to Allah for this gift and do not dishonor its reward. Honor your children and treat them as they deserve. A child is a trust from Allah. Protect and safeguard this trust, and do not destroy it through your own foolishness and mistreatment.
Treat your children in such a way that, when they become capable, they prove to be a blessing to the world and a source of your honor, good reputation, and provision for salvation in the Hereafter.

The Terrible Consequences of Mistreatment

If your treatment of your children is not good, then it is nothing but wrongdoing against yourself, your children, and society.
Becoming angry over every little thing, shouting, frightening them, insulting them, using words such as “stupid” and the like, expressing displeasure in agitation at their foolishness, cursing them, treating them harshly, and denying them reasonable opportunities for play and laughter—these are all forms of mistreatment of children. The consequences of this mistreatment are extremely bad and terrifying. These terrible consequences are highly harmful to the children, the parents, and society.
In early childhood, when a child is ignorant, weak, and helpless, he is entitled to your love and kindness. At that time, he seeks your affection, sympathy, help, and guidance. But if, while under your care, he receives none of these three blessings and receives only anger and harshness, he will naturally become disappointed in you. He will try to stay away from you and flee the home, and wherever he sees these three blessings radiating, he will move toward it without hesitation. Children cannot distinguish between genuine and artificial love. People of bad character in society then get the opportunity to mislead such children and entangle them in webs of conspiracy. These foolish children gradually become a menace to society and begin committing serious crimes.
Even if, fortunately, these children escape becoming the prey of wicked people, they remain a permanent source of anxiety for their parents. They have no real relationship with their parents. As a result of the parents’ bad conduct and mistreatment, the sacred feelings that arise in the hearts of fortunate children for their parents do not arise in these children’s hearts.
The parents spend their entire lives lamenting their disobedience and incompetence. In reality, their mistreatment and bad conduct have the deepest influence in turning them into rebels, while the parents place all the blame on the children’s shoulders. But it is important to remember that in this situation, the parents’ offense is in no way less than that of the children.

An Instructive Incident

I asked an intelligent young man, “The kind of relationship with parents that one would expect from someone like you does not seem to exist. What is the reason?” The young man sighed and narrated his story. His account of his childhood was as follows:
“May Allah keep my father in peace. He was an extremely harsh man, like an executioner. During my childhood, I was always trembling at his anger and rage. When I went to bed at night, I had little desire to wake up in the morning. And when I woke up in the morning, I felt extremely hesitant to appear before my father, secretly hoping, ‘Ah! If only today would pass peacefully. If only I could get through one day without abuse and beatings.’ If, on any day, most of the day passed with punishment, I would be very happy and say, ‘Today is a very blessed day. I have survived today.’ But before evening arrived, my happiness would be reduced to dust.
My father also used to travel. Whenever I learned that he would return very soon, I would become very sad. Yes, sometimes I would wait happily, thinking that he would certainly bring something to eat and drink. Seeing my father’s harsh nature and stony heart, I thought that all fathers must be like this. Whenever I saw someone who was healthier and stronger than my father, and also knew that he was a very brave and hot-tempered man, there was no limit to my sorrow. I would think, ‘Then what must be the condition of his children? They must have lost all hope in life. They constantly endure abuse, fear, intimidation, and beatings.’ At times I would actually burst into tears. When I considered someone’s father to be extremely weak, ill, disabled, very mild in nature, and meek, I would envy his children’s good fortune and think, ‘Ah! If only my father were also this weak, meek, and mild in nature—how wonderful that would be.’”
After saying this, the young man remained silent for a long time. I began to reflect on how great a responsibility it is to be a father. If parents want to see their children in a good condition, they must reflect on their own conduct. For a child learns no more from the advice of parents than from their actions and behavior.
The third harmful consequence of parents’ bad treatment or misconduct concerns morality. The children of such parents are extremely low in moral character. If a person in the world wishes to accomplish something great, he must be highly developed morally. But children who receive bad treatment from their parents are always deprived of moral qualities. They remain deprived of such moral qualities as self-confidence, courage, dignity, self-respect, self-effort, good character, cheerfulness, and pleasant speech. Instead, they become afflicted with bad traits such as harshness, lack of foresight, insensitivity, stinginess, baseness, and pride and arrogance. Most of the time, they consider their own existence contemptible and themselves incapable. To compensate for or conceal these faults, they boast in various ways. If you are truly concerned for your children’s well-being, fulfill their rights and treat them in the manner you expect them to treat you. Only then will you be able to see and feel the blessings of the gift that is children, and a prayer for you will rise from the depths of your children’s hearts:

رب ارحمهما كما ربيني صغيراً – بني اسرئيل : ٢٤“O Lord! Have mercy on our parents, just as they raised us with kindness and affection during our childhood.” —Surah Bani Isra’il: 24

Emphasis on Good Conduct in the Noble Qur’an

The Qur’an emphasizes gentle and forgiving treatment toward children. Punishing children for their mistakes, seeking revenge, and being harsh with them in order to vent one’s anger are disliked acts. Allah Almighty forgives the faults of those who deal forgivingly with the members of their household and has mercy on them.

وَإِنْ تَعْفُوا وَتَصْفَحُوا وَتَغْفِرُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ التغابن : ١٤“And if you pardon, overlook, and forgive, then surely Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

Even after accepting Islam, some people were deprived of the good fortune of migration. This happened because, when they prepared to migrate to Madinah, their families prevented them. They said, “We have tolerated your becoming Muslims, but we cannot tolerate your separating from us.” Their wives and children, by arousing feelings of love and exerting pressure on their minds, caused them to refrain from migrating. Then, when they reached Madinah and saw that those who had migrated at that time and reached the service of the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, had surpassed them in religious knowledge, they became sorrowful. They thought that the cause of this great loss was their wives and children. Thus, the fire of their anger flared up against their wives and children. They intended to take revenge on them and punish them. At that time, the Qur’an guided them that they had indeed been deprived of the virtue of migration because of the foolishness of their families. But they themselves had given their families priority over the demands of religion. Therefore, in the future they should beware of them. At the same time, they should also bear in mind that Allah would never approve of their being harsh toward their families or taking revenge on them. Good conduct toward them is a demand of religion. Allah Himself is greatly forgiving and loves those who forgive. He Himself is Merciful and loves those who show mercy.

If you desire Allah’s forgiveness and mercy, treat your children with affection and kindness. Forgive them. Be patient with and pardon their mistakes and shortcomings.

The Advice of Ahnaf ibn Qays

Ahnaf was a renowned chief of Arabia. He was very famous throughout Arabia for his grandeur, wisdom, patience, and composure. Hazrat Mu’awiyah, may Allah be pleased with him, held him in great esteem and used to say, “If this man goes astray, then understand that one hundred thousand Arabs have gone astray.”
Once, Hazrat Mu’awiyah, may Allah be pleased with him, summoned him. When he arrived, he asked, “Abu Bahr, what is your opinion regarding how one should treat children?”
Ahnaf ibn Qays said: “A child is the fruit of our heart’s desire and the strength of our loins. To him, we are like the earth, which is extremely soft and completely harmless. Our existence for him is like the sky that casts its shade over him. It is with his help that we dare to undertake great tasks. Therefore, if a child asks you for something, fulfill it cheerfully. If he is distressed, remove his distress. You will see that he will love you and appreciate your fatherly efforts. Never become an unbearable burden to him. Otherwise, he will become annoyed with you, wish for your death, and hate coming near you.”

The Importance of Good Conduct in Hadith

The matter of good conduct toward children has also been discussed in great detail in the hadith. The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, described its worldly benefits and also shed extensive light on its reward and recompense in the Hereafter. Moreover, in this connection, he drew attention with great wisdom to the places where human society makes mistakes in thought or practice, so that the right of good conduct may be fulfilled and no one may exceed the proper limits in dealing with anyone.

Equality in Treatment

عَنِ النُّعْمَانِ بْنِ بَشِيرٍ قَالَ أَعْطَانِي أَبِي عَطِيَّةً فَقَالَتْ عُمْرَةُ بِنْتُ رَوَاحَةَ لا أرضى حتى تُشَهِدَ رَسُولَ اللهِ صلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَأَتَى رَسُولَ الله صلى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ إِنِّي أَعْطَيتُ ابْنِي مِنْ عمرة عطية فأمرتني أن أشهدك يا رسول الله : قَالَ أَعطيت سائِرُ ولِدَكَ مِثْلَ هَذَا قَالَ لَا، قَالَ فَاتَّقُوا اللهَ وَاعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ أَوْلادِكُمْ قَالَ فَرَجَعَ ورَدَّ عَطِيَّتَهُ وَفِي رِوَايَةٍ قَالَ اني لا أشهد على جور – بخاری، مسلم، مشكوة باب العطايا“It is narrated from Nu’man ibn Bashir, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said: My father gave me a gift. Thereupon, Amrah bint Rawahah said, ‘I will not be satisfied unless you make Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, a witness to this.’ My father then came to Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, and said, ‘I have given my son born to Amrah bint Rawahah a gift, and she has asked me to make you a witness.’ Upon hearing this, Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Have you given a gift like this to all your children?’ He said, ‘No, I have not given it to all of them.’ Then the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Fear Allah and act justly among your children.’ He said: Then he returned and took back his gift. Another narration states that he, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘I do not testify to injustice.’ Another narration states that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to Bashir, may Allah be pleased with him:

اليك في البر سواء ؟“Do you like all your children to treat you equally?” Hazrat Bashir, may Allah be pleased with him, replied, “Why not?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Then do not do this.” —Bukhari and Muslim

It is beyond human ability to show the same degree of love to all one’s children. By nature, one may sometimes feel more attracted to one child. No human being can display complete equality in love, nor has this been demanded of anyone. What the hadith emphasizes concerns conduct. All children are equal because they are your children, and all have equal rights over you. Therefore, you should treat all of them well in the same manner and not give one precedence over another in this matter. Giving one child precedence over another is also wrong because it violates one child’s rights, while on the other hand it adversely affects the children’s morality. The one who receives special treatment develops an attitude of boastfulness and begins to regard the other brothers and sisters as inferior to himself. Children who are treated badly develop feelings of inferiority and begin to consider themselves lowly in their minds. As a result, their moral and physical development is hindered. At the same time, their feelings of love, affection, sacrifice, and selflessness are damaged. These qualities naturally exist in everyone for their own brothers and sisters. In this way, the sense of honor and respect that children have for their parents is also hurt.
Sometimes it also happens that equal treatment between the children of the first wife or first husband and those of the present wife cannot be maintained. The children of the new wife or new husband are valued more than the children of the wife or husband from whom one has separated, and no importance is attached to the rights of the children of the first life partner. If your heart is not clear toward those children, if you dislike their conduct, and if your heart is not inclined toward them, you may be helpless in your feelings. But Islam emphatically requires you, despite everything, to treat everyone equally. If you gather all the comforts and luxuries for one child while depriving the others, you are guilty in the sight of the Shariah.
You may deceive your own heart by explaining your actions. You may throw dust in the eyes of the world, but you cannot conceal your wrongdoing from Allah’s sight, nor can you deceive Him. The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, called such an act injustice and did not approve of bearing witness to injustice. The obedient Companion immediately took back the gift he had given. A similar wrongdoing had also been committed by Hazrat Bashir, may Allah be pleased with him. He was giving a gift to the son of Amrah bint Rawahah while depriving the children of his other wife of it. However, when he learned the correct ruling, he immediately corrected his action and abandoned this special treatment.

Differential Treatment of Sons and Daughters

عن ابن عباس رض قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَنْ كَانَتْ لهُ أنثَى فَلَم يندها ولم يهنها ولم يوثر ولدَهُ عَلَيْهَا يعني الذِّكُورَ أَدْخَلَهُ الله الجنة – ابو داود“It is narrated from Hazrat Ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Whoever has a daughter in his household, does not bury her alive as was done in the Age of Ignorance, does not consider her worthless, and does not give sons preference over her—Allah Almighty will admit such a person into Paradise.’”

The deed for which the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, gave parents the glad tidings of Paradise in this hadith has three parts:
One: not burying a daughter alive and granting her the right to live.
Two: not disgracing or humiliating her.
Three: not giving preference to a son over a daughter.
Regarding the first part—that is, granting a daughter the right to live—Muslim society is duty-bound. After receiving the light of Islam, no Muslim can even think of burying a daughter alive or depriving her in any way of her right to live. However, in the thoughts and practices of some Muslim families there is still a deficiency regarding considering daughters inferior and giving sons preference over daughters. Correcting these thoughts and practices is essential, and the warnings and encouragement of the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, are directed toward that very objective.
In many families, the honor and importance given to a son in the home and lineage are not given to a daughter. The good treatment given to a son, daughter-in-law, and their children is not given to a daughter, son-in-law, and their children. In reality, the idea underlying this discriminatory treatment of sons and daughters is that a daughter is raised for someone else, whereas a son is raised for oneself. Nothing can be expected from a daughter, while everything can be expected from a son. A daughter is the adornment of another household and a means of its prosperity; conversely, a son is the adornment of one’s own household and a means of its prosperity. The inevitable result of such thinking is that daughters are deprived of the sincerity and emotion present in raising sons. In raising a daughter and treating her, the sense of fulfilling an obligation is certainly present, but the hopes, aspirations, and exuberant joy are absent. Yet all of these are found in raising a son.

A daughter is considered inferior in her own home and in society as well. A son is given preference over a daughter at home, and sons also receive greater honor in society. Parents do not give their daughters the clothing, jewelry, and gifts that they give their daughters-in-law. Whatever they give their daughters-in-law, they give with sincere emotion, because she is the adornment of their own household; whatever they give their daughters, they give only to fulfill an obligation or to increase their own honor in society. They never remember what they have given a daughter-in-law. In contrast, they remember whatever they give a daughter and continually mention it, even taunting her with it. In such families, daughters do not receive the guardianship, affection, and love that a son’s children receive. A son’s children are regarded as members of the household, while a daughter’s children are regarded as members of someone else’s household. Before the lineage, society, and prominent people as well, a son’s children are presented as members and children of one’s own household. Society is expected to treat them accordingly, but the same treatment is not given to a daughter’s children, nor is such honor expected for them from society. On the other hand, society also does not treat such people’s daughters’ children as it treats their sons’ children. In this hadith, the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, warned Muslim parents that this practice is not acceptable. The way to attain Allah’s pleasure and Paradise is for Muslim parents to give the same importance to sons and daughters and to treat both equally. A daughter should also be given at home and in society the honor and respect given to a son. Moreover, in no matter may a son be preferred over a daughter; the demands of the religion must always be given precedence over personal taste and social customs.

A Daughter Is a Barrier Against the Fire of Hell

عن عائشة رضى اللهُ عَنْهَا قَالَتْ : دَخَلَتْ عَلَى امْرَأَةٌ وَمَعَهَا ابْنَتَانِ لَهَا تَسأَلُ فَلَمْ تَجِدُ عِندى شيئًا غير تمرة واحدة فأعْطَيْتُهَا إِيَّاهَا فَقَسَمْتُهَا بَيْنَ ابنتيها ولم تَأْكُلُ مِنْهَا ثُمَّ قَامَتْ فَخَرَجَتْ فَدَخَلَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ
وسلم علينا فأخبرته فقال : من ابتلي من هذهِ الْبَنَاتِ بِشَيْ فَأَحْسَنَ إِلَيْهِنَّ كُن لَه ستراً من النار – متفق عليه، رياض الصالحين ص ١٤٤“Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: A woman came to me begging, accompanied by her two daughters. At that time I had nothing except a single date. I gave it to her. She divided the date equally between her two daughters and did not taste any of it herself. Then she stood up and left. Afterward, when the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, came home, I told him about the incident. He said, ‘Whoever is tested through these daughters and treats them well, they will become a barrier for him against the Fire of Hell.’”—Bukhari and Muslim

Although one naturally cannot expect any material benefit from a daughter in this world, what greater strength could there be for parents who believe in the truthfulness of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, and place their trust in the Hereafter than that these weak daughters will stand as a barrier for them against the blazing Fire of Hell on the Day of Resurrection?
“A man came to the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, carrying his child in his arms. He began to caress the child affectionately. Seeing this, the Prophet asked, ‘Do you show mercy to him?’ He replied, ‘Of course.’ He said, ‘Allah shows you more mercy than you show this child, for He is the Most Merciful of all who show mercy.’”—Al-Adab al-Mufrad

The Prophet’s Conduct with His Children

There is not even the smallest incident from the life of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, that his wives, children, and Companions did not remember. All of this has been preserved in books of biography and hadith. People even remembered and narrated to one another the minor details of his intimate family life and entirely private affairs, and these too were preserved in books of hadith and sirah.
Yet it is astonishing to consider that throughout the entire sacred life of the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, not a single incident can be found in which he struck or hit one of his children, spoke harshly to one, or treated one with severity. There are countless incidents of affection, tenderness, kindness, gentleness, mercy, and beautiful conduct, but, remarkably, there is not even one incident of harsh treatment toward any child. People naturally have extraordinary love for their children and tolerate many things in them that conflict with their temperament. But the situation here is different. A servant remained in his presence for ten full years, yet he never once said to him, ‘Ugh, what is this?’ Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, said: ‘I served the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, in Madinah for nearly ten years, and at that time I was an adolescent. Therefore, all my actions could not conform to the wishes of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him (nor could they have; what understanding can a boy of ten or twelve possess?). Yet throughout those ten years he never even said “Ugh” to me, and he never said, “Why did you do this?” or “Why did you not do this?”’ Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, portrayed the beautiful conduct and behavior of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, as follows: ‘He never struck any servant, female servant, woman, or animal with his own hand, and whenever he came home, he came with great happiness, smiling and beaming.’

Kind Treatment of Daughters

The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, used to say about his daughter: ‘Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, is a part of my body. Whoever displeases her displeases me.’—Bukhari

After her marriage, whenever Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, came to visit the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, he would rise from his place to welcome her. He would kiss her forehead and seat her in his own place.—Abu Dawud
Whenever he saw Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, sad, he too would become sad. Once, the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, entered Fatimah’s home extremely worried. After some time he came out of it in a very cheerful state. The Companions asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, when you entered your daughter’s home you were worried, and when you came out you were cheerful. What happened?’ The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘I removed the mutual resentment between the two of them. Both of them are extremely dear to me.’
In Madinah, the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was staying in the home of Abu Ayyub al-Ansari, may Allah be pleased with him. Fatimah’s home was quite far from his home. Once the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, visited his daughter’s home and said in the course of conversation, ‘Daughter, you are far away from me. I want to bring you to a house nearer to me.’ Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, ‘Dear father, Harith ibn al-Nu‘man has several houses. If you ask him, he will certainly give you one. Dear father, ask him!’ The beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Daughter, I am embarrassed to ask him.’

Harith ibn al-Nu‘man somehow learned of this. He himself came to the service of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, I have heard that you wish to bring your daughter, Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, to a house near you. O Messenger of Allah, may my parents be sacrificed for you! I place all my houses at your disposal. Bring her happily to whichever house you wish. By Allah, whatever you take from me is more beloved to me than my remaining near it while it is in your possession.’
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘You have spoken correctly. May Allah bless you and send His mercy upon you.’ Then he brought his beloved daughter Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, to a house of Harith ibn al-Nu‘man near him. Whenever the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, set out on a journey, he would visit Fatimah’s home last, meet her, and then depart. Likewise, when he returned from a journey, after completing the voluntary prayer in the mosque, he would first visit Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her.
He also loved his grandchildren deeply. Whenever he visited Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, he would say, ‘Fatimah, bring my children.’ She would bring her sons to him, and he would smell them and hold them tightly against his chest.
One of the daughters of the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her. She was the eldest. She was married to her maternal cousin, Abu al-‘As. Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, had given her a valuable necklace of Yemeni agate at the time of her marriage. When the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, migrated to Madinah, Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, was at her in-laws’ home. Her husband had not yet accepted faith. Rather, he had taken part in the Battle of Badr with the unbelievers and had been captured. He sent word home to send ransom money for his release. In fact, Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, had sent the necklace that her mother had given her at her wedding. When the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, saw this necklace belonging to his daughter, he became deeply distressed and tears rolled from his eyes. Then he said to the Companions, ‘If you agree, you may return this necklace to Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, and release her husband as well.’ The Companions gladly accepted the Messenger’s request. Abu al-‘As was released, and his wife’s necklace was returned to him. It was stipulated, however, that he go to Makkah and send Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him.
Thus Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, came to her father.
Some time later, Abu al-‘As also came to Madinah and accepted Islam. Zaynab, may Allah be pleased with her, lived for one and a quarter years after Abu al-‘As accepted Islam, and departed this mortal world in the eighth year after the Hijrah.
The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, lowered her into the grave with his own blessed hands. At the time, he was extremely grief-stricken and worried. Then he prayed to Allah: ‘O Lord! She was very weak. O Lord, make her difficulty easy and make her grave spacious.’—Usd al-Ghabah

Choosing a Good Name

A person’s personality is also expressed through his name, and a name has a profound psychological effect. Everyone wants to show affection to plump, beautiful children. But when someone asks their name and hears some meaningless and ugly name, the heart naturally sinks. At such a time one wishes, ‘If only the child’s name were as beautiful as the child.’ The reality is that a beautiful name has a tremendous effect on feelings and emotions. Thus, if a woman is addressed by an ugly and bad name, an angry reaction can also be observed. Addressing her by a bad name brings out bad emotions in her. Conversely, if a woman is called by a beautiful name, she responds with feelings of gratitude and affection. Hearing her good name makes her feel honored.
It is the natural desire of parents that people call their child by a good name. Calling a child by a good name makes the child happy on the one hand, and on the other creates a good impression of the child in the heart of the person who calls him. But this can happen only when you give your child a good name. Your beloved child’s right over you is that you give him a beautiful and pure name.
The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, instructed his community to give good and pure names. Whenever male or female Companions asked the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, to name their child, he would suggest extremely pure and meaningful names. If he asked someone’s name and that person gave a meaningless or disliked name, the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, disliked it and would not assign him to any task. Conversely, when someone stated a beautiful and pure name, he approved, prayed for him, and assigned him to a task. When the beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, went out for a need of his own, he liked to hear expressions such as ‘O Successful One’ or ‘O Rightly Guided One.’ When he appointed someone to responsibility over a place, he would ask his name. If he liked the name, he became very happy, and the signs of happiness appeared on his face. If he disliked it, its effect appeared on his face. When he entered a settlement, he would ask its name. If he liked the name, he became very pleased. Often he would change disliked names. He could not tolerate a bad name for anything. People called one place Huzrah, meaning barren or sterile. He changed the name of that place to Khuzrah, meaning ever-green and fertile. A pass was called the Pass of Misguidance; he named it the Pass of Guidance. In the same way, he changed the names of many men and women. Whoever insisted on using an old name instead of the name he had changed would feel the bad effect of that old name on his own personality, and its bad effect would remain upon his descendants.

Preferred Names for Children

By a preferred name for your child is meant a name chosen with attention to certain matters and an effort to avoid certain others.
One: a name formed by combining ‘Abd’ or ‘Amatuhu’ with one of Allah’s essential or attributive names, such as Abdullah, Abdur-Rahman, Abdul-Ghaffar, Amatullah, and Amatur-Rahman, and so forth. Or a name through which praise of Allah is expressed.

Two: naming a child after a prophet, such as Yaqub, Yusuf, Idris, Ahmad, Ibrahim, and Ismail.

Three: naming a child after a mujahid, saint, or servant of the religion, such as Umar al-Faruq, Khalid, Abdul-Qadir, Hajerah, Maryam, Umm Salamah, and Sumayyah.

Four: the name should reflect your religious feelings and beautiful hopes and aspirations. For example, seeing the present miserable condition of the millah, you may name your child Umar or Salahuddin, and hope that when your child grows up, he will bring the sinking ship of the millah safely to shore and revive the religion.

Five: proposing a name with a religious achievement in mind. For example, while reciting the Holy Quran, the following verse came before you:

يوم يأْتِ لا تكلم نفس الا باذنه ، فمنهم شقى وسعيد—“When that day comes, when you will have no power to speak to anyone. Yes, people will be able to speak with Allah’s permission. Then some people will be wretched and some will be fortunate.”

That is, on the Day of Resurrection all humanity will be divided into two groups. One group will be wretched and the other fortunate. Upon reading this verse, you spontaneously prayed from your heart: ‘O Lord, include me and my children among the fortunate.’ Then, after your child was born, you named him Saeed.
In reality, consciously or unconsciously, you propose names according to your wishes, emotions, hopes, and aspirations. On the basis of these hopes and aspirations, the child continues to grow and, under normal circumstances, naturally fulfills your dreams. You are encouraged to keep these matters in mind when choosing a name. There are also certain matters about which caution should be exercised when choosing a name.

One: thoughts and feelings contrary to Islamic beliefs and ideals, especially names that offend the concept of monotheism, such as Nabi Brikhsh and Abdur-Rasul.

Two: any word that expresses pride, arrogance, self-purity, or boasting.

Three: a name that reflects non-Islamic hopes and aspirations and offers no hope of receiving Allah’s mercy.

Guidance and Wisdom in Choosing Good Names

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِنَّكُمْ تَدْعُونَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ بِأَسْمَائِكُمْ ، وَأَسْمَاءِ آبَاءِ كُمْ فَأَحْسِنُوا أَسْمَائِكُم – ابو داود عن أبي الدردا“The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: On the Day of Resurrection you will be called by your own names and the names of your fathers. Therefore, choose good names.”—Abu Dawud, narrated from Abu al-Darda

Names Beloved to Allah

عن أبي وهب رض عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ : تُسَمُوا بِأَسْمَاءِ الأنبياء وأحبُّ الْأَسْمَاءِ إِلى اللهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ عبدُ اللَّهِ وَعَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ وَأَصْدَقَهَا حارث وهمام وأقبحها حرب ومرة – الادب المفرد وجمع الفوائد ج ۲ ص ٤٠٦ بحو اله ابوا داود ونسائي“Abu Wahab, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated from the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, that he said: Name yourselves after the prophets. The names most beloved to Allah, Mighty and Majestic, are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahman. The most truthful names are Harith and Hammam, and the ugliest are Harb and Murrah.”—Al-Adab al-Mufrad and Jami‘ al-Fawa’id

The word ‘Allah’ is Allah’s proper name. Rahman was not originally the proper name of Allah in Islam. Before Islam, however, it was used as Allah’s proper name among some peoples. For this reason, it too has importance in comparison with His other qualities or attributes. The purpose of mentioning only these two names in the hadith is not that only these two names may be used or that only these are beloved to Allah. Rather, they have been mentioned as examples. If the word ‘Abd’ is attached to any of Allah’s attributes to form a name, that is a name beloved to Allah. Perhaps the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, mentioned only these two names because both are mentioned in the Holy Quran in connection with servitude.
Harith refers to a person engaged in agriculture and earning. If he earns in the world through lawful means, that is good; but if he is engaged in earning for the Hereafter, what could be better than that?
Hammam refers to a person of firm resolve, who moves on to another task after completing one.
Harb means war. It is self-evident that war is not a desirable thing.
Murrah means something bitter, and surely bitter things are disliked by everyone.

A Blessed Beginning with a Good Name

Hadrat Yahya ibn Sa‘id, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked the people to milk a she-camel:

مَنْ يُحْلبُ هَذِهِ ؟ فَقَامَ رَجُلٌ فَقَالَ لَهُ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَا اسْمُكَ ؟ قَالَ : مُرَّة، فَقَالَ لَهُ : اجْلِسُ ثُمَّ قَالَ : مَنْ يُحْلَبُ هَذِهِ ؟ فَقَامَ رَجُلٌ ، فَقَالَ له صلى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَا اسْمُكَ ؟ قَالَ حَرْبٌ ، فَقَالَ لَهُ اجْلِسُ ثُمَّ قَالَ من يحلب هذه ؟ فَقَامَ رَجُلٌ ، فَقَالَ لَهُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَا اسْمُكَ ؟ قَالَ : يَعِيشُ فَقَالَ لَهُ أحلب – جمع الفوائد بحوا الله مؤطا امام مالك رح“Who will milk this she-camel? A man stood up, and he asked him, ‘What is your name?’ He replied, ‘My name is Murrah.’ He said, ‘Sit down.’ Then he asked, ‘Who will milk this one?’ A man stood up. He asked him, ‘What is your name?’ He replied, ‘My name is Harb.’ He said, ‘Sit down.’ Then he asked, ‘Who will milk this one?’ A man stood up. He asked him, ‘What is your name?’ He replied, ‘My name is Ya‘ish.’ He said, ‘All right, you milk it.’—Jami‘ al-Fawa’id, with reference to the Muwatta of Imam Malik

The meanings of the first two names were disliked, while the meaning of the last name was liked. The word Ya‘ish conveys the meaning of living.
Similarly, Imam Bukhari also narrated a hadith:
“The Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked the people, ‘Who will drive our camel?’ Or he said, ‘Who will take it there?’ One man said, ‘I will.’ He asked him, ‘What is your name?’ He said, ‘My name is Such-and-such.’ He said, ‘Sit down.’ Then a second man stood up for this purpose. He asked him, ‘What is your name?’ He too said, ‘My name is Such-and-such.’ He said, ‘Sit down.’ Then a third man stood up. He also asked him, ‘What is your name?’ He replied, ‘My name is Najiyah.’ At that point he said, ‘You are suited for this task. Drive it.’”

A Joke Involving Umar, May Allah Be Pleased with Him

Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, asked a man, ‘What is your name?’ He replied, ‘Ember.’ He asked, ‘What is your father’s name?’ He replied, ‘Flame.’ He asked, ‘Which tribe are you from?’ He said, ‘The Burning tribe.’ He asked, ‘Where is your home?’ He replied, ‘On the hot hill of fire.’ He asked, ‘On which hill of fire?’ He replied, ‘On the blazing hill.’ Hearing this, Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, ‘Go quickly and inform your family. They have all burned up.’ Exactly as Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, had said, so it happened.—Jami‘ al-Fawa’id

Showing Respect for a Name

Abu Rafi‘, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إذا سميتم محمدًا فَلَا تَضْرِبُوهُ وَلَا تَحْرِمُوهُ“When you name someone Muhammad, do not strike him or deprive him.”—Jami‘ al-Fawa’id

Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:تسمونهم محمدًا ثُمَّ تَلْعَنُونَهم“You will name children Muhammad and then curse and abuse them.”

That is, do not mistreat children out of respect for this name. Mistreating children is in itself an undesirable act. And if the child’s name is Muhammad, even greater care must be taken, because honoring this name is also obligatory.

Some Names Proposed by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)

First: Hazrat Yusuf, son of Hazrat Abdullah ibn Salam, said that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) gave me the name Yusuf. He lifted me onto his lap and stroked my head.

Second: Hazrat Abu Musa (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “When my first child was born, I took him and presented myself before the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). He named him Ibrahim, chewed a date and placed it in his mouth, prayed for goodness and blessings, and then returned him to me.”

Third: Hazrat Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) had named each of his three sons Harb. The Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) changed their names to Hasan, Husayn, and Muhsin.

Changing Names

The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was extremely attentive regarding names. If he found someone’s name objectionable in any respect, he would change it and propose a good name. If a name conveyed a meaning opposed to the concept of tawhid, or was meaningless, or was the name of something disliked or evil, or had an undesirable meaning, or was connected with some personal sin, or expressed self-praise and conceit, or had any other bad aspect, he would change it and propose a good and pure name instead.
Hazrat Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would change bad names. —Jami‘ al-Tirmidhi

First: Hani ibn Yazid came with a delegation to attend upon the Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). At that time, he heard that his kunya was Abu al-Hakam. The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) called him and said, “Al-Hakam is Allah, and judgment belongs to Him. How did you take the kunya al-Hakam?” Ibn Yazid said, “That is not what I mean. The actual matter is that when the people of my tribe disagree about something, they come to me. I give a proper judgment between them, and both parties accept that decision happily.” The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “What a fine thing you have described.” Then he asked, “Do you have any children?” Ibn Yazid said that he had three sons, named Shurayh, Abdullah, and Muslim. He asked, “Which of them is the eldest?” Ibn Yazid replied, “Shurayh is the eldest of all.” He said, “Then your kunya is Abu Shurayh,” and prayed for him and his sons. Moreover, he learned that one of the members of the delegation was named Abd al-Hajar. He asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “Abd al-Hajar.” He said, “No, your name will be Abdullah.”
Shurayh said that when Hani ibn Yazid was returning to his homeland, he came to attend upon the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and asked, “O Messenger of Allah, tell me what deed will certainly earn me Paradise.” He said, “Arrange two things: speak well to people and distribute food generously.” —Al-Adab al-Mufrad

Second: Hazrat Abd al-Rahman said, “I came to attend upon the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). He asked me, ‘What is your name?’ I said, ‘My name is Abd al-Uzza.’ He said, ‘No, your name is Abd al-Rahman.’” Another narration says that I said, “My name is Aziz.” He replied, “Aziz is Allah.” —Al-Adab al-Mufrad

Third: Hazrat Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) changed the name Asiyah and said, “Your name is Jamilah.” —Al-Adab al-Mufrad

It is narrated in Sahih Muslim that the daughter of Hazrat Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was named Asiyah, and the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) changed her name to Jamilah.

Fourth: Hazrat Muhammad ibn Amr (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that one day he went to visit Zaynab, the daughter of Abu Salamah [she was the daughter of Umm Salamah, the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), and the daughter of her first husband, Abu Salamah]. At that time, Zaynab asked the name of the sister of one of my companions. I told her that her name was Barrah. She said, “Change her name, because when the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) married Zaynab bint Jahsh, her name was Barrah. The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) changed her name to Zaynab.” At that time, her mother was calling her “Barrah, Barrah.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do not proclaim your own purity. Allah knows best which of you is righteous and which is wicked.” He then said, “Name her Zaynab.” My mother, Umm Salamah, said, “All right,” and so she was named Zaynab.

Fifth: Hazrat Raytah bint Muslim said, “My father, Muslim, told me, ‘I was with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) at the Battle of Hunayn. He asked me, “What is your name?” I said, “My name is Ghurab (crow).” He said, “No, your name is Muslim.”’” Hazrat Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated that a man was mentioned in the assembly of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as being called Shihab. Hearing this, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “No, rather you are Hisham.”

Sixth: Before Islam, the son of Abd al-Rahman ibn Sa‘id al-Makhzumi was named “al-Sarm.” Thereafter, the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) changed it to “Sa‘id.” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked Sa‘id, “Who is older, you or I?” Hazrat Sa‘id (may Allah be pleased with him) replied, “You are older than me, while I am older than you in age.”
When he was becoming blind, Hazrat Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) came to visit him and told him that he must attend the Friday prayer and the congregational prayer. He said, “Who will take me there?” Hazrat Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) sent a slave to guide him and serve him.

Seventh: The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do not name your child Hubab, because Hubab is the name of Satan. A child cannot be named Hubab. Rather, the child’s name should be Abd al-Rahman.
A snake is called hubab, and the world is called Umm Hubab. For this reason, he prohibited giving the name Hubab.”

The Harmful Effects of Bad Names

The famous Tabi‘i scholar of Hadith from Madinah, Hazrat Sa‘id ibn al-Musayyib, narrated the story of his grandfather Hurun. Once, he came to attend upon the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). He asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “My name is Hayn.” He said, “No, your name is not Hayn; rather, your name is Sahlah.” Hayn said, “I will not change the name given to me by my father and adopt another name.” Sa‘id ibn al-Musayyib said, “For this reason, sorrow has continued in our family from then until now.”

The Worst Name in the Sight of Allah

عن أبي هريرةَ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَخْنَى الْأَسْمَاءِ عند الله رجلٌ تُسمى ملك الأملاك – الادب المفردHazrat Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The most extremely detestable name in the sight of Allah is for a person to be called Malik al-Amlak.”

The term Malik al-Amlak means “king of kings.” In Persian, it means “Shahanshah.” In terms of meaning, this is an extremely bad name, because it suggests shirk. Authority and kingship belong exclusively to Allah. No one else shares in this right. This wording is also found in Sahih Muslim. Its meaning is that kingship and authority belong solely to Allah.

Calling a Person by the Name He Likes

When you call someone by name, you may also call him by the name he prefers. Therefore, always call others by the name they like. This will make the person addressed feel that his honor has been increased. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) greatly preferred that a person be called by the name and kunya he liked most.

Hazrat Ali’s (may Allah be pleased with him) Favorite Name

One day, the Noble Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) went to the home of his son-in-law, Hazrat Ali (may Allah be pleased with him). Hazrat Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) was alone at home; Hazrat Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) was not there. He asked his daughter, “Where is your cousin?” She replied, “There has been an argument between him and me. He became upset with me and went away somewhere in anger. He did not even rest here after lunch.”
The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told someone, “Go and see where Ali is.” The man said, “He is lying with his back against the wall of the mosque.” The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) followed him. He saw that Ali was lying on his back. His covering was not properly arranged, and his body had dust on it. The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) brushed the dust from his back and said, “Abu Turab, sit up.”

Using a Shortened Name Affectionately

At times, the Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would affectionately use a shortened name instead of pronouncing the full name, such as Aish instead of Aishah and Utham instead of Uthman. Naturally, you too sometimes do this to express affection and love. There is nothing blameworthy in it, because this is not done to distort the name, but to express loving emotion. Hazrat Abu Salamah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated:

أن عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا قَالَتْ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وسلَّم يَا عَائِشَ : هَذَا جِبْرِيلُ يُقْرِئُ عَلَيْكَ السَّلام قَالَتْ : وَعَلَيْهِ السَّلام ورحمة الله قَالَتْ وَهُوَ يُرَى مَالَا أَرَىHazrat Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “O Aish, this is Jibril; he conveys greetings of peace to you.” She replied, “Upon him too be peace and the mercy of Allah.” She added, “The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was seeing what I could not see.” Al-Adab al-Mufrad

If you ever do not remember someone’s name but need to call him, do not address him by an ugly or bad name. Use a good expression to call him toward you. When the Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not remember someone’s name, he would address him by saying, “O son of Abdullah.”

Affection and Love for Children

Showing affection and love to children is also one of their rights. Showing affection and love to children is a natural matter. Allah the Exalted has created this natural disposition in the heart of every parent. By creating boundless love for children in the hearts of parents, Allah has also bestowed an extraordinary favor upon parents. At the same time, this is a favor to the children, because without it their upbringing would not be possible; indeed, it would mostly have been impossible. Human infants are more helpless, constrained, weak, and dependent on assistance than the young of all other creatures. If parents did not possess boundless affection and love for them, they would not be raised at all. Through the parents’ unparalleled affection and love and extraordinary sacrifices, the child grows up and becomes capable.
On the other hand, it is a favor to parents because Allah the Exalted has placed upon them the great responsibility of raising children. Parents could never fulfill this right if a powerful love for their children had not been created in them.
Love for children is a sign of Allah’s mercy and wisdom and clear evidence that He is the Lord and Sustainer. Allah has created this feeling in the heart of every human being without discrimination. Not only humans, but animals too have been given this feeling by Allah, and by nature they love their offspring.

The Distinctiveness of a Muslim Mother’s Love

Love for children is a natural emotion. Therefore, regardless of religion or ideology, every parent loves their own children. Even if parents do not believe in religion or the Creator, they still love their children. Muslim parents, however, possess a special distinction in this matter, a distinction that parents deprived of Islam can never attain. A non-Muslim mother fulfills her natural emotion by loving her child, and a Muslim mother also fulfills this emotion. But the distinct feature of a Muslim mother is that she loves her child with the awareness that this is the child’s right, a demand of the Din, and the Sunnah of the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the noble Companions. Showing affection to a child is not merely the fulfillment of a natural emotion; it is also adopted as a means of attaining the pleasure of Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), receiving reward in the Hereafter, and attaining salvation in the afterlife. Because of this intense awareness, tremendous emotion and extraordinary strength are generated in a Muslim mother’s heart. Love accompanied by this awareness is entirely different from merely natural love. The love of a mother whose affection is animated by religious awareness cannot be blind love. She loves her child according to the guidance of the Din and never, out of emotion, adopts a method that becomes the cause of her own destruction and that of her child.

Children as a Means of Trial

Showing love to children is their right, but it is also a means by which parents are tested. Allah has granted the natural feeling of love for children and supported that feeling, while at the same time issuing a warning: be cautious regarding your children. For sometimes these very children become a person’s enemies. Becoming entangled in an unnecessary web of love for them, a person loses balance and falls far away from the Din. For their sake, he takes away another person’s right. He loses the distinction between halal and haram. He becomes heedless of the worship and obedience of Allah. He forgets the demands of faith and Islam. He withdraws from major righteous deeds and, by taking the wrong path, destroys his Hereafter. Therefore, Allah the Exalted has said, “Be cautious regarding your children.” In this respect, some children become a person’s enemies.

يأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِنَّ مِنْ أَزْوَاجِكُمْ وَأَوْلَادِكُمْ عَدُوا لَّكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوهُمْO believers, some of your wives and children are your enemies. So beware of them. —Surah al-Taghabun: 14

Being cautious regarding children means that a person should not become so bound by love for them that he becomes heedless of the demands of the Din and faith. If love for children prevents one from advancing along the path of the Din and from making sacrifices for the sake of the Din, then it is enmity, and one must therefore remain cautious. Their love must never overcome love for the Din, nor should a person fall behind in religious matters because of them. Before the Hijrah, some people embraced faith in Makkah. Yet, despite accepting Islam, they could not migrate to Madinah with the Muslims who made the Hijrah. Although they were believers, they were deprived of the blessing of the Hijrah only because they had become trapped in excessive love for their wives and children, who prevented them from going to Madinah. These Muslims were deprived of a blessing like the Hijrah because they were not cautious regarding love for their children and became so absorbed in that love that they failed to respond to the call of the Din. The Noble Qur’an has also described children in this sense as a fitnah and a trial. On one side is the natural emotion of love for them, and on the other are the demands of the Din and faith. Emphasis has been placed on showing love to them and fulfilling their rights. At the same time, this warning has also been given: children are a means of trial. Therefore, do not become so absorbed in love for them that you forget the demands of the Din and faith:

إِنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَولادكم فنتة ، التغابن : ١٥Indeed, your wealth and your children are a trial for you. —Surah al-Taghabun: 15

It has been stated elsewhere:يأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لا تُلْهِكُمْ أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَلَا أَوْلَادُكُمْ عَنْ ذِكْرِ اللَّهِ ، وَمَنْ يَفْعَلُ
ذالِكَ فَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْخَسِرُونَ المنافقون : ٩O you who believe, let neither your wealth nor your children make you heedless of the remembrance of Allah. Whoever does that—they are the losers. —Surah al-Munafiqun: 9

The significance of this verse is that the hypocrites had become trapped in love for wealth and children. They were absorbed in material desires and had forgotten the Hereafter in exchange for the world. The greatest loss is that a person becomes deprived of the boundless blessings of eternal life for the sake of this perishable world. Muslims should therefore remain cautious in this matter. Once, the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was delivering a sermon in the Prophet’s Mosque. At that time, Hazrat Hasan (may Allah be pleased with him) and Hazrat Husayn (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the mosque wearing red garments. They were very young. They were coming with difficulty, stumbling over their feet. The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) could not bear this. He descended from the pulpit, lifted his two grandsons onto his lap, and seated them beside him. Then he said, “Allah has indeed spoken the truth:”

إِنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَوْلَادُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ – التغابن : ١٥Indeed, your wealth and your children are a trial for you. —Surah al-Taghabun: 15

Hazrat Khawlah bint Hakim (may Allah be pleased with her) was a highly righteous woman. She narrated that one day the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) went outside. He was carrying one of his grandsons and said to him, “You are the ones who make people miserly; you are the ones who make people cowardly; and you are the ones who cast people into ignorance and foolishness.” —Jami‘ al-Tirmidhi

The truth is that children and descendants create various kinds of weakness in a person. Because of them, his courage is exhausted and he becomes cowardly. In many situations, he becomes hesitant to advance. God forbid, if the outcome is bad, what will happen to the children? He spends very cautiously, keeping their needs in mind, and because of them, he sometimes acts foolishly and ignorantly under the sway of emotion.
Islam does not belittle the emotion of love for children, nor does it prohibit it. Rather, it calls it beloved and purposeful and encourages it. Islam certainly emphasizes that a Muslim must love his children in the light of the Din. He must necessarily keep the guidance of the Din before him in this matter and must never adopt any conduct that Allah dislikes.

عَنْ أَنَسٍ قَالَ دَخَلْنَا مَعَ رَسُولِ الله صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ عَلَى أَبي سيف القَيْنِ وَكَانَ ظَرًا لإبراهيم فَأَخَذَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَبْلَهُ وشمه ثُمَّ دَخَلْنَا عَلَيْه بعد ذالك وإبراهيم يجودُ بِنَفْسِهِ فَجَعَلْتُ عَيْنَا رَسُول الله صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ تَنْرَفَانِ فَقَالَ لَهُ عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ عَوْفِ وَأَنْتَ يا رَسُولَ اللهِ فَقَالَ يَا ابْنَ عَوْفِ إِنَّهَا رَحْمَةٌ ثُمَّ اتَّبَعَهَا بِأُخْرِى فَقَالَ إِنَّ الْعَيْنَ تدمع والقلب يَحْزُنُ وَلَا نَقُولُ إِلا ما يرضى رَبُّنَا وَإِنَّا بِفِرَاقِكَ يَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ لمحزونون – بخاری، مسلمHazrat Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that we went with the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to the home of Abu Sayf, the ironsmith. Abu Sayf was the husband of the wet nurse of the Prophet’s son, Hazrat Ibrahim. The Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) took his son into his lap, showed him affection, and smelled him [that is, he placed his nose and mouth close to the child’s face as if smelling him]. Then, when we went there again, Hazrat Ibrahim was breathing his last, and tears were falling from the two eyes of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). Seeing this, Abd al-Rahman ibn Awf (may Allah be pleased with him) said to the Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), “O Messenger of Allah, are you also crying?” He said, “Ibn Awf, these tears are a sign of mercy.” Then another tear flowed, and he said, “The eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, but we say only what pleases our Lord. O Ibrahim, we are deeply grieved by your separation.”

Harsh Treatment of Children

Some people consider laughing and playing with children, keeping busy with them, feeding them while holding them, kissing and caressing them to be contrary to piety. In their view, the demand of piety and seriousness is that one must refrain from speaking cheerfully with children, remain separate and distant from them, show aloofness instead of mixing with them, and display harshness and severity rather than love. Islam never supports such ideas. This is the result of deficient religious thought and an incorrect understanding of the Din. In contrast, it is clearly known from the guidance and practice of the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that showing affection and love to children is a desirable act. The heart of a person who does not love his own children is certainly empty of mercy and tenderness. Children are a source of joy. Showing affection and love to them will be a means of success in the Hereafter, while being deprived of it means being deprived of Allah’s mercy.

Kissing Children as a Cause of Allah’s Mercy

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ قَبْلَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ الْحَسَنَ بْنَ عَلِي رضي الله عَنْهُ وَعِندَهُ الأقرع بن حابس التَّمِعِي جَالِسٌ فَقَالَ الْأَقْرَعُ إِنْ لي عشرَةً مِّنَ الْوَلَدِ مَا قَبلْتُ مِنْهُمْ أَحَدًا فَنَظَرَ إِلَيْهِ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ثُمَّ قَالَ مَنْ لا يرحم لا يرحمHazrat Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) kissed and caressed his grandson, Hazrat Hasan ibn Ali (may Allah be pleased with him). At that time, Aqra ibn Habis was also sitting there. He said, “I have ten children, but I have never shown affection to even one of them.” The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) looked at him and said, “Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy by Allah.”

In other words, kissing and caressing one’s own child are signs of mercy and compassion. Only those kiss and caress their children in whose hearts Allah has placed mercy, and Allah shows mercy only to those who show mercy to others. Those who do not show mercy to others are themselves deprived of mercy.

عنْ أَسَامَةَ بْنِ زَيْدٍ قَالَ أَرْسَلَتِ ابْنَةُ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِلَيْهِ إِنْ ابنا لي قبض فَاتِنَا فَارْسل يُقْرِئُ السَّلام وَيَقُولُ إِنَّ لِلَّهِ مَا أَخَذَ وَلَهُ مَا أعطى وكُلَّ عِندَه بَأجَلٍ مُسَمًّى فَلْتَصْبِرُ وَلتَحْتَسِبْ فَأَرْسَلَتْ إِلَيْهِ تُقْسِمُ عَلَيْهِ ليَأْتِيَنَّهَا فَقَامَ وَمَعه سعد بن عبادة ومعاذ بن جبل وأبي بن كعب وزيد بن ثَابِتٍ وَرِجَالٌ فَرُفِعَ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ الصَّبِيُّ وَنَفْسَهُ تتقعقع ففاضت عيناهُ فَقَالَ سَعد يا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَا هُذَا ؟ فَقَالَ هَذِهِ رَحْمَةٌ جَعَلَهَا اللهُ فِي قُلُوبِ عِبَادِهِ فَإِنَّمَا يَرْحَمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ عِبَادِهِ الرَّحَمَاء – بخاری مسلم“Hazrat Usamah ibn Zayd (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the beloved daughter of the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with her), sent a messenger to call him and sent word: ‘My child’s final hour is near; please come and stay with us for a while.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) sent word to the messenger: ‘Go and convey my greetings, and say that what He has taken belongs to Allah, and what He has given also belongs to Allah, and everything must remain until its appointed time. Therefore, let her be patient and hope for reward from Him.’—Bukhari and Muslim

Hazrat Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with her) called again and insisted, “You must come.” So he rose to go to his daughter. With him were Hazrat Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubadah (may Allah be pleased with him), Hazrat Mu‘adh ibn Jabal (may Allah be pleased with him), Ubayy ibn Ka‘b (may Allah be pleased with him), Zayd ibn Thabit (may Allah be pleased with him), and several other people. When he reached Hazrat Zaynab’s (may Allah be pleased with her) home, the child was placed in his lap. At that time, the child’s soul was being taken. Seeing this, tears began to flow from his eyes. Sa‘d (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “O Messenger of Allah, what is this? You are also weeping.” He said, “This is mercy, which Allah has created in the hearts of His servants who show mercy to one another.”

Not Showing Affection to One’s Child Is Another Name for Cruelty

عنْ عَائِشَةَ رَض قَالَتْ جَاءَ أَعْرَابِيُّ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ اتقبلون الصبيانَ فَمَا نُقَبِلُهُمْ فَقَالَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَوَ أَمْلِكُ لَكَ أَنْ نَزَعَ اللهُ مِنْ قَلْبِكَ الرحمة – بخاری، مسلم“Hazrat A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said that a desert Arab came to the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, ‘Do you kiss and caress children? We do not kiss children.’ Hearing this, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, ‘What power do I have if Allah has removed mercy from your hearts?’—Bukhari and Muslim

Not kissing and caressing children is not commendable. Rather, it is a sign of cruelty. Not caressing children means that Allah has removed the source of mercy from the heart. If the source of mercy remains, a person will certainly caress his own child.

Taking a Child into One’s Lap

عَنْ عَدِي بْنِ ثَابِت قَالَ سَمِعْتُ الْبَرَاء يَقُولُ رَأَيْتُ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وسَلَّمَ وَالْحَسَنُ صَلوتُ اللهِ عَلَيْهِ عَلَى عَاتِقِهِ وَهُوَ يَقُولُ اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَحِبُّهُ فاحبه“Hazrat ‘Adi ibn Thabit (may Allah be pleased with him) said, ‘I heard Hazrat al-Bara’ (may Allah be pleased with him) say: I saw the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) carrying Hazrat Hasan (may Allah be pleased with him) on his shoulder, and he said, “O Allah, I love him, so love him too.”’

Once, Hazrat Hasan (may Allah be pleased with him) or Hazrat Husayn (may Allah be pleased with him) was riding on his neck. Seeing this, someone said, “How excellent a mount he has found!” Hearing this, the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “And how excellent a rider he is.”—Sirat-un-Nabi, Volume Two

Hazrat Usamah ibn Zayd (may Allah be pleased with him) said that the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) would take him into his lap, place him on one thigh and Hazrat Hasan (may Allah be pleased with him) on the other, press both of them to his chest, and say, “O Allah, have mercy on these two. I show them mercy.”—Bukhari

He loved Hazrat Hasan and Hazrat Husayn (may Allah be pleased with them) immensely. He would say, “They are the jewels around my neck.” When he went to his daughter’s home, he would say, “Bring my children.” When they were brought, he would take them into his lap, kiss them, and press them to his chest.—Sirat-un-Nabi, Volume Two

He would often take Hazrat Husayn (may Allah be pleased with him) into his lap and caress him, placing his face against the child’s face. He would say, “O Allah, I love him, and I love the one who loves him.”—Sirat-un-Nabi, Volume Two

The Messenger’s Love for His Children

Hazrat Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) was the beloved Prophet’s (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) special attendant. He remained in his service day and night. He said, “I never saw anyone love his relatives as the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) loved his relatives.”—Sirat-un-Nabi, Volume Two

It was the постоянный practice of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) that whenever he went on a journey, he would visit the home of his beloved daughter, Hazrat Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her), last; and when he returned from a journey, he would first offer two units of prayer in the mosque and then go to Hazrat Fatimah’s (may Allah be pleased with her) home.

Once, Hazrat Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) and Hazrat ‘Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) became upset with each other over something. Upon learning of this, the beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) went to their home and reconciled them. When he then came outside, he was very cheerful. People asked, “O Messenger of Allah, when you went inside the house, you were very worried, but when you came out, you were very happy.” The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Yes, I have reconciled those two people. I love them very much.”—Sirat-un-Nabi, Volume Two

Once, Hazrat ‘Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) expressed his intention to marry a second wife. When the beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) learned of this, he became very upset. He immediately went to the mosque and delivered a sermon. In it, mentioning his displeasure, he said, “Fatimah is my beloved daughter and a part of my heart. Whoever causes her pain causes me pain.”—Bukhari

Hazrat Zaynab’s (may Allah be pleased with her) husband, Abul ‘As, was captured in the Battle of Badr. It was decided that these prisoners would be released upon payment of ransom. Abul ‘As did not have enough money to pay the ransom. He sent word to his home to arrange and send the ransom money for his release. His devoted wife immediately sent the necklace given to her by her mother, Hazrat Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her). Abul ‘As presented this necklace as ransom. When the necklace was brought before the beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), he became distressed. Tears began to roll from his eyes. Addressing the Companions, he said, “If you agree, may this necklace be returned to Zaynab?” The Companions said, “Certainly, return it.” He then returned the necklace to Hazrat Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with her).

The beloved Prophet’s (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) youngest son, Hazrat Ibrahim, was being raised by a blacksmith named Abu Yusuf in the outskirts of Madinah. He would often walk there on foot. Abu Yusuf was a blacksmith, so the house was filled with smoke. He would sit amid that smoke, take the child into his lap, and caress him. Then he would return to Madinah.—Sirat-un-Nabi, Volume Two

Once, the beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was going somewhere. Hazrat Husayn (may Allah be pleased with him) was playing in the street. He stretched out both arms with sincere affection so that Hazrat Husayn (may Allah be pleased with him) would come to him. Hazrat Husayn would come toward him laughing, then playfully move away again. At last, he caught him, placed one hand beneath his chin and the other on his head, and embraced him. Then he said, “Husayn is mine, and I am Husayn’s.”—Sirat-un-Nabi, Volume Two, with a citation from Bukhari

Hazrat Zaynab (may Allah be pleased with her) had a beloved young daughter named Umamah. The beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) loved Umamah very much. She would often be with the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) at prayer time. When he stood in prayer, she would ride on his shoulders. During bowing, he would put her down. When he stood upright again, she would climb onto him once more.

Once, a man sent some gifts to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Among them was a gold necklace. At that time, Umamah was playing there. The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “I will give this necklace to the one in the household whom I love most.” The women of the household thought that he would give the necklace to Hazrat A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her). But he called Umamah to him and personally placed the necklace around her neck with his own blessed hand.—Sirat-un-Nabi, Volume Two

A Mother’s Affection and the Decision of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)

During the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), a man divorced his wife and wanted to keep their young child with him. The mother’s condition was unimaginable: on one side was the grief of separation from her husband, and on the other was the pain of having her young child taken away. In this distressing state, the woman came to the court of the Mercy to the Worlds, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), seeking help, and presented her case to the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) in deeply sorrowful words: “O Messenger of Allah! My husband divorced me and separated me from him, and now he wants to snatch this beloved doll from me. O Messenger of Allah! He is a part of my heart. My womb was his resting place. My breast was like his water-skin, and my lap was like his home. O Messenger of Allah, how can I bear this grief?”

Hearing the woman’s plea, the Mercy to the Worlds, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), said, “As long as you do not marry again, no one can take your child away from you.”—Abu Dawud, Kitab al-Talaq

The Longing of Hazrat Ya‘qub (peace be upon him)

Hazrat Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) said that once the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) narrated an incident. He said that a man once asked Hazrat Ya‘qub (peace be upon him), “Hazrat, why is your eyesight growing weak, and why is your back becoming bent?” Hazrat Ya‘qub (peace be upon him) replied, “My eyesight has grown weak from constantly grieving over Yusuf (peace be upon him), and my back has become bent from worrying about his brother Binyamin.” Just then, Hazrat Jibril (peace be upon him) came to Hazrat Ya‘qub (peace be upon him) and said, “Are you complaining against Allah?” Hazrat Ya‘qub (peace be upon him) said, “No. Rather, I am presenting my grief and suffering before Allah.” Hazrat Jibril (peace be upon him) said, “Allah knows very well the sorrow you have described.” Then Jibril (peace be upon him) departed. Hazrat Ya‘qub (peace be upon him) entered his room and began saying, “O my Sustainer! Do You not have mercy on an old man? You have taken away my eyesight and bent my back. O Sustainer, return my two flowers to me so that I may merely smell them. Then do with me whatever You wish.” Hazrat Jibril (peace be upon him) came again and said, “O Ya‘qub, Allah the Exalted sends you greetings and says, ‘Ya‘qub, be happy. Even if your two sons had died, I would bring them back to life for your sake, so that you might see them both and cool your eyes.’”—Targib wa Tarhib, Volume Three

A Mother’s Plea Before the Messenger

A woman came to the service of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and began pleading, “O Messenger of Allah! I have a son. He helps me with many tasks. Because I am a woman, I cannot work outside. He brings water for me from the well and also performs other outdoor tasks. O Messenger of Allah! My husband, who is separated from me, wants to take this child away from me as well.”

Hearing the woman’s plea, the beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) gave a decision: “Very well, draw lots. Whoever’s name comes out in the lottery will take the young son with him.” The boy’s father said, “O Messenger of Allah, he is my son. How can anyone else claim to take him with them? And how can anyone else take him while I am here?”

After hearing both the mother and father, the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) looked toward the boy and said, “Son, this is your father and this is your mother. Go with whichever of them you wish, holding their hand. You have this freedom.” The boy stood up from where he was sitting, then went to his mother and took her hand.

The Education and Training of Children

Physical growth and maintenance are also important rights of a child. But even after fulfilling this right, if you remain negligent of your child’s education, training, manners, and civilization, you are committing a grave injustice. Without education and training, your child cannot truly become a child in the proper sense. The pure aspirations with which you desire children, and the noble hopes for which you spend your days and nights raising them, can be fulfilled only when you discharge your child’s right to religious education and moral training. On the one hand, raising a child to be righteous and fortunate is your religious duty; likewise, showing love to the child is also among the child’s rights. In fact, among the rights of children, the most important is that you arrange their training with great wisdom, reflection, patience, awareness of duty, generosity, refinement, encouragement, enthusiasm, and devotion. Only after fulfilling this right of the child can you hope that your child will become a source of peace for you, a means of mercy for society, a source of honor for the nation, and an asset of the faith. Even after spending enormous amounts of vital energy and wealth raising your children, if you are negligent regarding their training, you are committing a serious social crime. The consequence of this crime is extremely poisonous.

The Mother’s Special Role in Education and Training

Undoubtedly, the responsibility for a child’s education and training is not yours alone. Both parents have a responsibility. Just as a mother’s training is necessary, a father’s education is also especially necessary. Rather, Islam has placed the financial responsibility in this matter entirely upon the father. The mother has been relieved of this responsibility. Yet it is also true that the mother’s involvement in raising children deserves special importance. She contributes the greater share of the effort. Just as a mother’s devoted effort is necessary for a child’s physical care and upbringing, she also has a special role in the child’s education and instruction. Through the mother’s training, the child becomes capable of increasing the honor of the country and nation. At the same time, the parents also attain happiness and good fortune.

The father is busy most of the time earning a livelihood and meeting the needs of life. Therefore, he spends much of his time detached from his children. Even when he wishes to, he does not have the opportunity to give proper attention to their education and training. By nature, the mother has far more opportunity in this regard. Usually, she is always with the children. Their entire lives and every aspect of their personalities are before her. Because she is always with them, children do not feel afraid of their mother. Owing to her extraordinarily gentle temperament, patience, and unparalleled maternal affection, children remain unafraid and obedient toward their mother. Without fear and freely, they make every kind of demand, protest, and mischief before her. In this way, all their abilities and good and bad tendencies become manifest. This makes the work of correcting and training them easy. Nevertheless, the patience, sacrifice, generosity, affection, love, and moral qualities needed for training and correction have been granted by Allah the Exalted to the mother in greater measure than to the father. The father quickly becomes impatient and expresses anger. The mother, however, remains patient, compassionate, affectionate, and well-mannered to the end, and is more successful in awakening the children’s inner feelings. Becoming angry at a child’s mistakes, the father declares his displeasure and disassociation. The mother, by contrast, holds the child to her breast and continues, with heartfelt devotion, to correct the child and make the child honorable until the very last moment.

A Great Mother’s Training Changes Destiny

A caravan of merchants was traveling toward Baghdad. A young man was accompanying them. His mother had sent him with the caravan along with some guidance so that he might safely reach his destination, acquire religious knowledge, and convey Allah’s commands to Allah’s servants and show them the light. The caravan was proceeding comfortably. On the way, a band of robbers attacked it. The members of the caravan made many attempts to protect their belongings, but their efforts had no effect on the robbers. The robbers paid no attention to their various pleas for mercy. They seized everything from every member of the caravan. When the robbers had finished, one of them asked the worried young man: Robber: Young man, do you have anything? Young Man: Yes. I have forty dinars. Robber: You have forty dinars? (The robber could not believe it. Where had forty dinars come from for this poor man in such a wretched condition? And if he had them, why was he telling us? The robber thought for a long time and took this remarkable young man to the chief.) Robber: Chief, look at this boy. He says he has forty ashrafis. Chief: Young sir, do you really have dinars? Young Man: Yes. I have forty dinars. Chief: Fine. Where have you kept your dinars? The chief began staring at the poor boy in amazement. Young Man: Yes, there is a pouch tied around my waist. The dinars are in it. Chief: The chief untied the pouch from the young man’s waist and counted it. It contained exactly forty dinars. The chief stared at the young man, stunned, for some time. Then he said, “Young sir, where are you going?” Young Man: I am going to Baghdad to acquire religious knowledge. Chief: Do you know anyone there? Young Man: No. It is an unfamiliar city. My mother gave me forty dinars so that I could acquire religious knowledge there without worry. Who will look after my needs in that unfamiliar city—and why should I become dependent on others? The chief listened to the young man with great interest and astonishment. His perplexity increased. He wondered why the young man had not hidden the dinars. If he had not told them, none of his companions would have imagined that this worried, poor young man might have anything else. Why had the young man not considered that he was going to an unfamiliar place? His future and education depended on this money. Why, in the end, had he not hidden it? The young man’s simplicity and truthfulness raised many questions in his heart. He asked, “Young sir, why did you not hide this money? If you had not told us and had denied having it, we would never have suspected that you might have any money.”

Young Man: When I was leaving home, my mother advised me, “Son, whatever happens, never tell a lie.” How could I disobey my mother’s instruction?

The chief’s inner conscience awakened. He began to think: This young man is unwilling to disobey his mother even while seeing the inevitable destruction of his own future, whereas I have been trampling upon the commands of my Sustainer for a long time. He embraced the young man, returned his dinars to him, restored the belongings of the caravan’s travelers, and began to weep in prostration before Allah. He sincerely repented, and Allah’s mercy encompassed him. This robber became one of Allah’s great saints of his age and changed from one who plundered Allah’s servants into one who distributed the wealth of religion among Allah’s servants. The great mother’s training not only elevated the young man to a high rank; it also changed the destiny of the robbers. This was that promising young man who became famous throughout the Islamic world as Abdul Qadir Jilani (may Allah’s mercy be upon him), at the mention of whose name hearts bow in reverence.

A Child’s Bright Future

Everyone desires to secure a bright future for their child. This is a natural aspiration. Allah has placed tremendous power and attraction in this hope and aspiration. Parents are especially thoughtful, sensitive, and active in this matter. Despite the many preoccupations of the world, parents are never free from concern about it. Rather, most of their thoughts and efforts are directed toward ensuring that their child’s future is splendid. There are probably very few parents who are not concerned about their child’s future. The desire for a bright future for one’s child is a very commendable aspiration. From the perspectives of knowledge and intellect, society, and religion, it is regarded as a highly elevated aspiration. Indeed, Islam encourages this very matter. It urges believing parents to make their child’s future beautiful and bright. But the question is: what does a bright future for a child mean from the Islamic perspective?

A Bright Future from the Islamic Perspective

What is a child’s bright future from the Islamic perspective? To find the correct answer to this question, we must reflect on a related question. The question is: Why do Muslim parents desire children? Wherein lies the difference between their desire and that of other parents? To understand this significance, we must understand the Qur’anic verses concerning Hazrat Zakariyya (peace be upon him):

قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي وَهَنَ الْعَظمُ مِنّى وَاشْتَعَلَ الرَّأْسُ شَيْبًا وَلَمْ أَكُنُ بِدُعَائِكَ رَبِّ شقيا واني خفت المولى من ورائي وكانت امرأتِي عَاقِرًا فَهَبْ لِي مِنْ لدنك وليا يرثني ويَرِثُ مِنْ آل يعقوب ، وَاجْعَلْهُ رَبِّ رَضِيا مريم : ٦٤“Hazrat Zakariyya (peace be upon him) said, ‘O my Lord, my bones have become feeble, and my head has become bright with the signs of old age. O Allah, I have never been unsuccessful in supplicating to You. I fear the wrongdoing of my brothers and friends after me, and my wife is barren. So grant me, by Your special favor, an heir who will inherit from me and also inherit from the family of Ya‘qub. And, O my Lord, make him one who is pleasing.’”—Surah Maryam, 4–6

Both Zakariyya (peace be upon him) and his wife, al-Yashba, had reached the final stage of old age, and their physical strength had failed. In this condition, Zakariyya (peace be upon him) was distressed by the thought: Who would carry the banner of his mission after him? Who would undertake the responsibility of protecting and spreading Allah’s religion? He saw that the young men of the prophetic lineage were irreligious and irresponsible. There was not a single one who could become the heir of Zakariyya (peace be upon him). Witnessing this condition, he would pray to Allah with bowed head.

“O Lord, grant me an heir who can assume responsibility for the inheritance of myself and the family of Ya‘qub (peace be upon him). O my Lord, make him pleasing to You.” Zakariyya (peace be upon him) did not desire a child in order to perpetuate his family line, nor did he desire one to manage his wealth and business. Rather, he desired a child who would assume the responsibility of the religion after him, become his true heir, and be a servant pleasing to Allah.

Allah Most High accepted this prayer, which arose from the deepest depths of the believing father’s heart, and granted him a righteous son whose magnificent future is attested to in the Book of Allah:

وَآتَيْنَهُ الْحُكْمَ صَبِيًّا ، وَحَنَانًا مِّنْ لَّدُنَّا وَزَكُوةً ، وَكَانَ تَقِيًّا وَبَرَا بِوَالِدَيْهِ ولم يكن جباراً عصيان مريم : ١٢-١٤“We granted him judgment while he was still a child, and tenderness from Us and purity; he was God-fearing and dutiful to his parents. He was neither arrogant nor tyrannical, nor disobedient.”

Drawing a picture of a successful future, the Holy Qur’an highlights here some special qualities of the character of Yahya (peace be upon him): judgment, a tender heart, purity, a life of piety, safeguarding the rights of parents, and a life free from rebellion and disobedience. Judgment means the ability to make correct decisions. The ability to think deeply about matters of religion and worldly life and arrive at the right decision is a highly desirable and excellent quality. A tender heart is not merely one virtue; rather, it is the foundation of many moral virtues. Purity means that his soul was free from sin, shamelessness, deviation, and oppression. Purity of the soul is a lofty moral distinction. A life of taqwa, fear of Allah, and piety is a successful life. Only a God-fearing person can be deserving of honor and esteem in Allah’s sight. Safeguarding the rights of parents is a resource that prepares a person to fulfill rights successfully in social life. Only an obedient, service-minded child who safeguards their rights can be the light of his parents’ eyes and the peace of their hearts. Such children are neither rebellious nor disobedient.

Keeping this description of the Holy Qur’an before you, examine what you want. What are your aspirations? What do you hope for and pray for before your Lord? What is your design for your child’s bright future? How much does that design resemble this Qur’anic design? And what efforts are you making for it? A bright future does not mean merely that your children will be prosperous, hold advanced degrees, attain high positions, possess every comfort and luxury, enjoy worldly status, power, and influence, and have palatial buildings and advanced cars. Islam does not prohibit you from desiring these things for your children or helping them attain them. However, Islam seeks to train your mind so that your vision is not limited to these things alone and you do not regard them as the attainment of a bright future.

It is not objectionable for you to hope that your children receive higher education, attain high positions, enjoy the honor of comfort and prosperity, and succeed materially. Your efforts for these things are not objectionable either. What is objectionable is making worldly or material success the goal of your life and becoming heedless of your children’s religion and character. A Muslim mother must never remove from her mind the truth that the real life is the life of the Hereafter, and that life can never be attained while remaining heedless of faith. Your child’s magnificent future is that he or she should be adorned with religious education, gain deep understanding of religion, represent pure character and Islamic civilization, excel in fulfilling social responsibilities, and have a life exemplifying purity, fear of Allah, and piety. Let them be obedient and devoted to their parents. Even while occupying high positions in material life, let them be true representatives and sincere servants of the religion of truth.

The Place of Religious Education and Training for Children

To make a child’s life successful from this perspective, you must give exceptional attention to the child’s education and training. This is honorable both in society’s eyes and through profound wisdom, sincere effort, patience, and perseverance. Through it, you will gain honor, esteem, and good reputation in this world and become worthy of honor in the Hereafter. In the view of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), the finest gift for a child is that you adorn him with excellent education and training. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

مَا تَحِلَّ وَالِدٌ وَلَدَهُ مِنْ نَحْلٍ أَفْضَلَ مِنْ أَدب حسن— “Of all that a father gives his child, the finest is good education and training.”

Good education and training of a child is an ongoing charity. Your time and opportunity to work will end, but the reward and blessings in your record of deeds will continue to increase. The Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

إِذا مَاتَ الإِنسان انقطع عمله إلا من ثلاث صدقة جارية أو علم ينتفع به، أو ولد صالح يدعوله— “When a person dies, his deeds come to an end except in three cases: an ongoing charity; knowledge from which people continue to benefit; or a righteous child who prays for him.”

Once the Noble Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said that the parents of one learned in the Qur’an would be made to wear crowns on the Day of Resurrection. He said:

من قرء الْقُرْآنَ وَعَمِلَ بِهِ اليس والده تاجًا يَوْمَ الْقِيمَةِ ضَوْءَهُ أَحْسَنُ مِنْ ضوء الشمس في بيوت الدنيا فما ظَنَّكُم بِالَّذِي عَمِلَ بِهذا – ابو داود، حاكم“Whoever acquires knowledge of the Qur’an and acts upon it—his parents will be made to wear a crown on the Day of Resurrection, whose light will be better than the light of the sun that illuminates the houses of this world. So what do you think of the one who acted upon it?” — Abu Dawud, al-Hakim

In the narration of Buraydah (may Allah be pleased with him), garments of Paradise are mentioned instead of a crown. The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whoever reads the Qur’an, learns it, and acts upon it, his parents will be made to wear luminous crowns on the Day of Resurrection.

Their light will be like the light of the sun, and his parents will be dressed in two precious garments whose value could not be matched by the entire world. The parents will wonder and ask in exchange for what they are being made to wear these garments. They will be told, ‘This is being given to you in exchange for your son’s acquisition of the Qur’an.’” In these narrations, the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) described the immeasurable reward and recompense for training children and encouraged the Ummah concerning this responsibility. The aim of this encouragement is that no home in the Ummah should be negligent regarding the education and training of its children. Along with encouragement, he also made clear that those parents who neglect this responsibility will be questioned severely on the Day of Resurrection.

Giving Attention to the Dignity of Children

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : أَكْرِمُوا أولادكم وأحسنوا أدبهم – ترغيب وترهيب بحو الله ابن ماجه“It is narrated from Abdullah ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Treat your children with kindness and honor, and give them good education and training.” — Targhib wa Tarhib

In this hadith, along with emphasizing good education and training, the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also emphasized treating children with kindness and honor. Indeed, the first emphasis was to treat children with dignity and respect; afterward, he emphasized giving them excellent education and training. This matter is extremely important for parents. Treating children with kindness and honor is so important that the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) himself first drew attention to it, and then spoke of excellent education and training. Treating children with kindness and honor means paying the utmost attention to their dignity. They must not be treated or spoken to in a way that injures their self-respect and causes them to regard themselves as inferior. Usually, such negligence is shown during the early period of education and training, when no attention is paid to a child’s dignity and self-respect. In reality, childhood is the best time: when the child’s mind and heart are clear, you can imprint upon them the kind of image you desire. This image continues to influence character and conduct throughout life. Early education and training have fundamental importance in shaping and developing a child.

Just consider this: if, because of the wrong methods of parents or teachers, the idea becomes fixed in a child’s mind that he is weak, useless, and inferior; that he is not worthy of being spoken to kindly; that he is not worthy of being treated with respect; and that he is not worthy of being entrusted with any task—then tell me, how can qualities such as high aspiration, self-respect, courage, and self-confidence develop in him? And how will such a child be able to accomplish great works for the religion and the community?

Parents must keep a sharp watch over their own words and actions, and must also be assured about those entrusted with supervising the children’s education. A child’s sense of self-respect and dignity is a fundamental strength. If this strength is injured, moral defects such as lack of courage, cowardice, inferiority, and lack of self-confidence develop in the child; and no great work can be expected from such children in the future.

In light of this saying of the Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), examine and review your own home, and review educational and training institutions as well. The fundamental requirement of good education and training is that parents and teachers treat children with kindness and honor and never say anything that destroys a child’s dignity or wounds his self-respect.

Accountability Regarding the Education and Training of Children

The Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), while emphasizing the training of children, also drew attention to this matter. He said that Allah Most High will ask on the Day of Resurrection whether you had arranged for your child’s education and training. Providing religious and moral education to family members is one of the important religious duties. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

لا يسترعى اللهُ تَبَارَكَ وَتَعَالَى عَبْدًا رَعِيَّةً قَلَّتْ أَوْ كَثْرَتْ إِلَّا سَأَوْلَهُ اللَّهُ تبارك وتعالى عنها يَوْمَ القِيمة أقام فيها أمرَ اللَّهِ تَبَارَكَ وَتَعَالَى أَمْ أَضَاعَهُ حتَّى يَسْأَلُهُ عَنْ أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ خَاصَّةً“Allah, Blessed and Exalted, appoints no servant as guardian over people, whether few or many, without asking him on the Day of Resurrection whether he established Allah’s command among those under his authority or neglected it, until He asks him specifically about the members of his household.”

When to Begin Education and Training

The famous Chicago educator Francis Willinder Parker was once lecturing on children’s education. When the lecture ended, a woman asked him, “When should I begin my child’s education?” Willinder Parker said, “When will your child be born?” “Be born?” the woman said in surprise. “Sir, the child is already five years old.” “What a disaster! You are standing here talking, while five precious years have already passed.”

This is not a story; it is a fact. One should begin thinking about a child’s education and training as soon as the child is born. The first few years are extremely important for education and training, yet these early years are generally wasted carelessly. The wisdom behind reciting the adhan and iqamah in the child’s ears immediately after birth is that the greatness and majesty of Allah should enter his ears from the very beginning. Allamah Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said in his book Tuhfat al-Wadud: “This means that the first sound to reach a person’s ears should be the sound of Allah’s greatness and superiority. The testimony of faith by which he will enter Islam after reaching maturity should be prompted to him from the day of his birth, just as the declaration of divine unity is prompted to him at the time of death. The second benefit of the adhan and iqamah is that Satan lies in wait and seeks to test a person from the moment of birth. When he hears the adhan at that time, he flees, and the child is invited to Islam and the worship of Allah before Satan’s invitation reaches him.

Although a child cannot speak during the first days of life, he can feel and is influenced through sounds. He learns many things from his mother’s conduct. Therefore, no bad words or impolite behavior should be displayed before the child even at this time. He should be nurtured with good words and pleasant speech. The Holy Qur’an should be recited beside him. When the child begins to speak, he should be taught the kalimah, the oneness of Allah from the outset, and a correct understanding of Allah’s attributes should be instilled in his mind. It is mentioned in hadith that whenever a child in the household of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) learned to speak, he taught him this verse from Surah al-Furqan:

الَّذِي لَهُ مُلْكُ السَّمَوتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَلَمْ يَتَّخِذُ وَلَدًا وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ شَرِيكَ في الْمُلْكِ وَخَلَقَ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ فَقَدَّرَهُ تقديرا – الفرقان : ٢“He is the One to whom belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He has not taken a son, nor does He have any partner in His kingdom. He created everything and determined it precisely.” — Surah al-Furqan, 2

Another hadith states that when a child begins to speak, teach him the kalimah:إِذَا أَفْصَحَ أَوْلَادُكُمْ فَعَلِمُوهُمْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا الله – ابن سنى“When your children begin to speak clearly, teach them the kalimah: La ilaha illallah.”

The meaning of the hadith is not that they should be taught only La ilaha illallah. In reality, it points to the kalimah of divine unity. Its meaning is: teach them the complete kalimah, ‘La ilaha illallah, Muhammadur Rasulullah.’

Teaching the Qur’an, Supplications, and Prayer

As soon as children gain some understanding and become attentive, they should be made to memorize the matters related to prayer. They should be taught the recitation of prayer from an early age, with special attention paid to ensuring that the recitation is correct and accurate. If a child learns incorrect recitation at a young age, it often remains incorrect throughout life. At this age, arrangements should also be made for them to read the Holy Qur’an. They should memorize or learn by heart some portions of the Holy Qur’an, and the meaning and significance of some portions should be explained to them simply. This will create in them from the beginning the understanding that the Qur’an must be read with proper comprehension.

They should also be taught the Sunnah supplications recited on various occasions. Certainly, you remain busy with household affairs day and night, but this responsibility is in no way less important than your other responsibilities. Make the education and training of children a noble occupation and fulfill this responsibility wholeheartedly. Keeping their age and intelligence in mind, you must teach them certain supplications, such as the supplication before sleeping and upon waking, supplications for eating and drinking, for wearing new clothes and eating new fruit, the supplication after sneezing and its response, and the supplication upon seeing the new moon, among others. These supplications are extremely effective in developing the mind and creating an attraction toward religion. Children recite rhyming words and poetry with great enthusiasm, and memorize them very quickly. Help them in this regard and, to fulfill their interest, select beautiful and appropriate verses for them, such as:

مَا فِي قَلْبِي غَيْرَ اللَّهِ لَآإِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ
حسبي ربي جَلَّ اللَّهُ نور محمد صَلَّى اللهُIf you fail to satisfy this enthusiasm in children, they will memorize undesirable poetry and continue reciting it repeatedly. And you know how important preserving language is for protecting morality.

Teaching Islamic Etiquette

This is also the age for teaching etiquette, civilization, and the manners of life. To disregard children on the excuse that they do not understand is great foolishness. The manners you teach and the habits you establish during childhood will influence the child throughout life. Good or bad habits formed in childhood are rarely removed. At this age, children require abundant attention. The mother’s responsibility is especially great. A little negligence in the early part of life can become a cause of shame and distress forever.

Teach children manners according to a plan, with wisdom, perseverance, and patience. Teach them the etiquette of eating and drinking, sitting and standing, sleeping and waking. Tell them about respect for education and teachers, and the etiquette of the mosque and madrasa. Teach them the etiquette of cleanliness and purity, health and hygiene, walking and interacting with companions, and the proper, orderly use of household and personal belongings. Continue to guide them so that they lead a civilized and pure life. Merely drawing attention once to a good practice is not enough; the requirement of training is that you continue to monitor it and do not become annoyed despite repeated mistakes. Continue correcting them with patience, perseverance, and sincerity, and do not regard even the smallest mistake as insignificant.

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that once Hasan ibn Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) picked up a date from charity and put it in his mouth. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Spit it out! Do you not know that charity is not permissible for us to eat?”

Umar ibn Abi Salamah (may Allah be pleased with him) was the son of the beloved Prophet’s wife, Umm Sulaym (may Allah be pleased with her). The Noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was raising him. He narrated his own story:

كُنتُ غُلامًا فِي حِجْرٍ رَسُولِ اللهِ صلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَكَانَتْ يَدِى تَطِيشُ في الصحفَةِ فَقَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَا غُلَامُ : سَمَ اللَّهَ
تعالى وكل بيمينك وكل مما يليكَ فَمَا زَالَتْ تِلْكَ طُعْمَتِي بَعْد – متفق عليه“I was a young boy under the care of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him). My hand used to move around the dish while eating. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said to me, ‘Young man, mention Allah’s name, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is in front of you.’ From then on, this remained my eating habit.”

Arranging for Holy Stories to Be Told

During childhood, children are very eager to hear stories. They listen to stories with great joy and are also influenced by them. Indeed, certain characters in stories influence them so deeply that they begin trying to become like those characters. Benefit from this psychological quality of children and tell them the kinds of stories that accord with how you wish to develop them. Do not tell stories merely to satisfy their interest. Rather, arrange them as an excellent means of education. Tell them the holy stories of the Prophets, the inspiring incidents of the noble Companions, and the heroic tales of the warriors of Islam. Mention achievements on the battlefield. In this way, create enthusiasm for Islam in them.

Stories of jinn and fairies, ghosts and spirits, magic and sorcery, and ogres and demons are extremely harmful for children. Because of their bad influence, an unknown fear fills the hearts and minds of children. Despite receiving the highest education, they suffer from various doubts and anxieties.

The desire to hear stories is natural in children. It is neither right to obstruct it nor correct to leave them entirely free in this matter. Assist them with great skill and wisdom, and fulfill this need and interest in such a way that you succeed in providing them with the best training.

Emphasis on Prayer

Prayer is an important act of worship that keeps a person connected with religion. It protects religion and also creates attraction toward it. It prepares a person to live a religious life. From the very beginning, children must be habituated to pray regularly. Unnecessary affection and excessive softness in this matter are extremely harmful.

Do not let children go to bed without performing the night prayer. Even if they have gone to sleep, wake them and make them pray. Wake them at the beginning of the time for the dawn prayer and accustom them to rising in the morning. Allah’s command is:

وأمر أهلك بالصلوةِ وَاصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْها – – طه : ۱۳۲“Enjoin prayer upon your family and remain steadfast in it yourself.” — Surah Ta-Ha, 132

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:مروا أولادَكُمْ بِالصَّلوةِ وَهُمْ أَبْنَاء سَبْع وَاضْرِبُوهُمْ عَلَيْهَا وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ عَشْرٍ وَفَرِّقُوا بَيْنَهُمْ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ“When a child reaches seven years of age, instruct him to pray; when he reaches ten, be strict with him regarding prayer, and at that age separate their beds.

The meaning of all these instructions is that you yourself must be regular in prayer and create a home environment in which the children also pray enthusiastically. Your conduct should demonstrate that you will never tolerate negligence regarding prayer.

The Marriage of Children

As soon as a child enters youth, he becomes occupied with new kinds of thoughts, desires, and anxieties. When a child reaches this stage of life, parents become stirred by new emotions. When they think about the future, fear, apprehension, and doubt disturb their peace. At times, their joy knows no bounds when they think of beautiful hopes and expectations for the future. At other times, baseless worries and imagined complications constrict their hearts. Sometimes a sense of responsibility excites them and makes them restless to free themselves immediately from this responsibility toward their child. At times, their hearts become overwhelmed with the joy of bringing a beautiful and well-mannered daughter-in-law into the home. At other times, they weep and supplicate before Allah to find a fortunate and virtuous life partner for their daughter.

Marrying off a child is, on the one hand, a social duty. At the same time, it is also a sincere desire of the parents, and Islam encourages and guides people in this matter.

Islamic Guidance

Islam is a natural religion. This religion fulfills the demands of nature. As soon as a child reaches maturity, if a suitable match is found, you wish to arrange the child’s marriage. Islam respects this desire of yours. Islam also instructs that one should not delay arranging a child’s marriage once the child reaches maturity. Finding a suitable match certainly requires time. However, even after finding a suitable match in accordance with Islamic instruction, making unnecessary delays and excuses is in no way right. Often, such unnecessary delays and excuses lead to bad consequences. In short, parents cannot evade responsibility for these bad consequences.

The Bad Consequences of Delaying Marriage

Whether a son or a daughter, as soon as the child reaches maturity, considering the establishment of a suitable match for the child is one of the parents’ most important duties. And whenever such a match is found, the child should immediately be bound by the bonds of marriage. Unnecessarily delaying marriage often brings about very shameful consequences. A person becomes unable to show his face in society. This shame becomes a source of disgrace in the parents’ lives. Yet the responsibility for it also falls upon the parents, because they show negligence regarding their child’s marriage or delay it without any Shar‘i or rational reason. If young people do not find a proper outlet for the emotions or excitement of youth, there is a grave possibility that they will be led astray. Therefore, you cannot try unsuccessfully to prove yourself innocent by blaming the bad environment, or to lessen your own guilt by abusing young people. The proper treatment for this illness is for you to recognize your responsibility and duty and, at this stage, to follow with utmost seriousness and attention the guidance given by the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him. The consequence of delaying marriage is not merely the bad circumstances that arise; rather, in the ultimate view of Islam, you will be regarded as sinful. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

من ولد لَهُ وَلَدٌ فَلْيُحْسِنَ اسْمُهُ وَالبُهُ فَإِذَا بَلَغَ فَلْيُزَوجَهُ وَإِنْ بَلَغَ وَلَمْ
يُزَوجَهُ فَأَصَابَ إِثْمًا فَإِنَّمَا اثْعَهُ عَلَى أَبِيهِ – بيهقى“Whoever has been granted a child by Allah must give the child a good name, train the child well, and, when the child reaches maturity, arrange the child’s marriage. If, after the child reaches maturity, he does not arrange the child’s marriage and the child becomes involved in a sin, then the punishment for it will be imposed upon the father.” —Bayhaqi

At another place, the Noble Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said that it is recorded in the Torah: “When a man’s daughter reaches the age of twelve and he does not arrange her marriage, and she commits an immoral act, the punishment for that act will be imposed upon the father.”

The Search for a Suitable Match

Marriage is generally delayed because a suitable bride or groom cannot be found. It is entirely natural to desire and strive to find a suitable bride or groom for a son or daughter. Indeed, this concern and effort are obligatory for you. Islamic teaching also demands that you make every effort to find a suitable match. Islam never demands that you blindly accept whatever unsuitable bride or groom you find. Nor does it tell you to make no effort or inquiry in this matter. Marriage is an extremely important matter. It concerns an entire lifetime. Its effects are not limited to the ups and downs of worldly life; they may also affect the life of the Hereafter. It is a very serious matter. Thinking carefully when choosing a life partner is essential. The only question is whether your efforts and considerations are being guided by Islam. You must adopt the criteria Islam has established for choosing a life partner. Keep these fundamental matters in view when choosing a life partner for your child. Think carefully about whether you are delaying the selection of a bride or groom by giving priority to matters that have no importance in religion.

Criteria for Choosing a Life Partner

Generally, five things are considered when choosing a life partner.
One: wealth and property.
Two: nobility of lineage.
Three: good looks and beauty.
Four: religion and character.
Five: education.
There is no doubt that these five things are important in their respective places. Who can deny the importance of wealth and property in this age? Nobility of lineage is also not something to be disregarded in many cases.
Beauty and good looks also deserve fundamental importance in choosing a life partner. In choosing a bride especially, this matter is often decisive. Nor can it be denied that Allah has given people taste and beauty, and that beauty is naturally something people like.
The importance and necessity of education are acknowledged facts. In the present age, education and degrees are given particular consideration when establishing a match. It is also true that higher education increases enthusiasm and refinement and adorns a person with civilization. Higher education is regarded as a means of increasing status and honor. It becomes a cause of a comfortable life and respect in society.
As for religion and character, it is clear that they will always have importance and value for a Muslim. Muslim parents may examine everything in a prospective spouse, but they cannot disregard religion and character or attach no importance to them.
If your hope, desire, and effort are directed toward bringing your daughter or son a life partner endowed with these five qualities, your desire is commendable. Your hope is right and your effort is sound. Which parent does not want the beloved child of his heart to obtain a life partner endowed with these qualities?
Islam never devalues this hope, desire, and awareness of yours. Islam honors this emotion of yours.
If you find a couple adorned with all these qualities, that will be a special favor from Allah. Generally, finding all these qualities together in every match is very difficult. Some qualities may be found in one person, along with some faults. In reality, your test in this matter is that you must keep the Islamic perspective before you in the selection and give priority to the quality Islam has given priority to.

The Instruction of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him

The instruction of the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, is that when selecting a groom or bride, you must give first importance to religion and character. If, along with religion and character, you find any of the other four qualities, you must offer thanks to Allah. After that, you should no longer delay the marriage unnecessarily. Yes, a family connection or match cannot be acceptable to you if it possesses all the qualities but lacks religion and character. The first things Muslim parents should look for are religion and character. A person who lacks them, even if exemplary in other matters, cannot be the life partner of your beloved child. You cannot consider making that person your daughter-in-law or son-in-law. Other deficiencies can be compensated for by religion and character; or it may be said that because of religion and character, other weaknesses can be tolerated, but even for the sake of very great qualities, the absence of religion and character cannot be tolerated. The loss of religion and character cannot be compensated for by any other quality. The instruction of the Messenger of Allah is:

“When choosing a wife for marriage, four things are generally considered: wealth, nobility of lineage, beauty and youth, and religion and character. Marry religious women; therein lies your well-being.”

This hadith instructs you to bring your son a wife who is religious and adorned with Islamic character. Through such a bride, your home can become a fortress of Islam. From such a wife, one may hope for children who will be strong in religion and faith and devoted to Islam.
In this way, the Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, has also given instructions regarding the selection of a son-in-law and daughter-in-law. In those instructions as well, fundamental importance has been placed on religion and character.
Hazrat Abu Hurayra, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “When someone sends you a marriage proposal and you are satisfied and pleased with his religion and character, marry your beloved daughter to him. If you do not do so, severe corruption will arise on earth.”
This hadith decisively instructs you that when a marriage proposal comes to you from a groom whose religion and character satisfy you, and you have reliable information that the groom fears Allah, is religious, observes the prayers and fasts, and is adorned with Islamic morals, then delaying unnecessarily is not right in any way. Relying upon Allah, arrange the marriage with him and hope for blessings. For the first important consideration in a Muslim marriage is religion and faith. In a society where religion and faith are disregarded and other things are given importance, or where wealth, beauty, and youth are given priority over religion and character, storms of discord and corruption arise. No power in the world will be able to save such a society from ruin.

—The End—